What The F***??????help pls?

Question

ok.here's the problem.i like a guy in my new college & he know's that.but whenever i chat with him online,he seems so depressed giving answers like "it's ****,crap,sucks,bitchy,not good" etc. whenever i ask him how he is.there doesn't seem 2 be a day when he doesn't feel good.but at school he can hide it very well under a smile.& he had told me once that he doesn't want to be helped.apparently he's been hurt a lot esp. by his past gf's.

so,my question is how should i act with a guy like this?should i just continue being friends with him & try to help him?or tell him that i like him a.s.a.p.pls explain how i should make my moves...

thanks for all the answers!

p.s.i have known him for only a short period of time...

Answer 1

Okay before I start the answer I'd just like to say to anyone else who has answered before me that your answers are just perfect examples of how immature people are and why some people are like this. You should take your ideas and go to a website that cares e.g. Dumberthanblonde.com

Anyway back to the subject. This reminds me alot of how I used to be not long ago. I went through a period in my life where everything and everyone seemed against me. Believe me when I say I did a good job at faking smiles.
First problem that needs to be checked is if he is a self harmer. Self harmers will cut themselves for several different reasons, mine was the fear of rejection/lonelyness/feeling of isolation from everyone plus ontop of that no money/drink related issues. If he always wears long sleeved shirts, jumpers and/or hoodies then there's a decent giveaway that he MAY be self harming, no guarentee. If he wears short sleeved shirts then theres no guarentee that he doesn't cut his legs to avoid attention. Cutting is a serious and dangerous addiction that isn't easy to stop doing once you've started. The first time I stopped was because one of my (female) friends started crying because of what I had done and well it sparked some emotion in my heart again. Wasn't too long before I found an excuse to start cutting again though. All it does though is avoids the problems and it will start making a person worse. So if you know/find out he is cutting himself then you need to discuss it with him. But make sure its hard for him to escape as it were, so like in a car or something. At least then if he is cutting then he's confronted the problem and can then learn to hopefully deal with it.

Next point. Some people are genetically happier and more optimistic than others and thats a fact. Doesn't mean depressed people can't be happy, I'm just saying it's harder to be. To be honest I think I had a more realistic perspective of life than now when I'm sober and sort of happy. Maybe he is just a realist like me and realises that our existence has no true meaning and that later in life everything and everyone we love will die around us and that for some of them it's going to be a long and painful struggle. As a result he doesn't want to get too close to people so he doesn't feel as much pain.

As for helping him, it does work like this. If he doesn't want help it is very difficult to help him. But no doubt like I was, I was crying out for someone to help me when I was falling apart and suicidal. No one came to me so it was a case of me getting my head together and sorting my own life out with the srious temptation to tell my friends who were **** all help to go kill themselves because they didn't bother to help me. Although to be fair I hid my problems very well. My recommendation is to just be by his side when he needs you and if there is a right time when he opens up, even a little then you can tell him how you feel. If that doesn't happen then it just wasn't meant to be and that is that. He needs a friend at the moment and not a relationship to add complications that could be avoided in his life at this present time.

I think I've covered pretty much everything. Hope this helps.

Answer 2

Ah shucks ma'am he's fine a little depressed maybe but fine otherwise.

I know because I tell almost everyone the same thing on-line. If he's like me he's got some stress and thinks that God has turned his life into a sitcom. He'll be okay

Answer 3

Good heavens, you can't help someone that doesn't want help. Just be yourself, let him know that you care and if anything comes of it, fine. If not, that has to be fine too. He's got to find that place within himself that needs to heal, and then get to work on it. Until he does, he's going to continue to be a very unhappy, self-absorbed person who can't or won't open himself up to the wonders that other people contain within themselves.

Answer 4

Try to encourage him...ask whats wrong and listen EXcellent to continue the friendship..good for you

Answer 5

That's just how some people act. He probably isn't depressed, maybe he's being sarcastic or something. I would try talking to him about it if I were you.

Answer 6

You can't help him unless you guide him to counseling or therapy. These a signs of a nervous disorder and only he can address them.

Answer 7

Honey you can't "fix" him. He loves self pitty. Dump him. It is too much work for anyone to take on.
Good Luck and God Bless

Answer 8

Sounds like he craves sympathy

Answer 9

you should continue being his friend, but don't make it obvious that you are trying to hel phim. if you guys are still pals in 3 weeks, tell 'em that you like him .

Answer 10

sounds like a sneeky ploy to con you to me

boys are smart

he is prepping you...i.e. setting you up to make you an easy target when he makes his move

watch out