my wife is a good person but she is stressed out and stressin me out too?

Question

we been together for nearly 20 years we split up one time she had an affair with my best friend of 20+ yrs we have a beutiful girl togethershe is smart and a good kid i moved away from theplace where they live and tried to get on with my life any way my wife called me and i moved back i missed my daughter but it is not the same!!!we have not had a relationship in over 3 yrs what do you suggest i do i love her but it is hurtin me to see my family like this

Answer 1

First and foremost you guys need to see a counselor. I know the idea stinks (sharing your private info with someone), but at this point you don't have the answers. And a counselor is trained to help you see things in new ways, to ask you questions to help you come to a resolution. That would be my first and highest recommendation.

You have to decide if you are going to get over the affair or not. If you are, you need to tell your wife, it hurt you, whatever, but she is forgiven and you are ready to move on. Or, you are not. If you are, start "courting" her again. Try to make your love bloom anew. If you cannot forgive and forget you probably can't make it work.

If you are Christian or in any way religiously inclined, I know many churches offer marriage classes. My hubby and I are taking one right now -- and it has been wonderful.

The best advise from the class thus far, is out of love, try to see things through the eyes of your spouse. It has helped me many times.

But again -- counseling. If $ is a problem for the counseling, seek counseling from a pastor, minister, rabbi, etc or see if your insurance will cover it. If you have an EAP program thru your work you can get a certain # of sessions free.

Answer 2

Evaluate why exactly you went back to your wife: did trying to move on not work in your favor? Did you miss your wife? You do say you love her: so sit down and try to evaluate your positive and negative reasons for leaving in the first place and then coming back. Then have a talk with your wife--make sure that you both do not argue by having one person at a time speak. Since you are the one initiating a talk, invite her to a restaurant with a private booth and then talk to her. Tell her how you feel about the current situation. Do not bring up the past....once you decided to be back with your wife you also decided to let bygones be bygones. Explain instead how you feel that she is totally stressed out and stressing you out, why you feel like that, and that you would like to establish a different kind of relationship--one that works--and then see what she has to say to you. Doing this over dinner at a restaurant will surely prevent that either one of you gets loud which is important. If you do not understand something your wife responds with, let her finish, then give her her response back as a question to clarify the meaning. That should both help you to establish new grounds for communication----Good Luck

Answer 3

That was wrong of her to have an affair with your best-friend and I don't care what problems you two were having, she would have felt so betrayed if you slept with her best-friend. I know you missed your daughter, but it does not look like you can save this marriage. Sometimes damage like that just can not be repaired. Just move out and continue with your life, don't move too far and you can always come see your daughter and she can come to your house too. You seem stressed out and miserable. Do not put on a front or just live a lie just for your daughter's sake. Maybe you and your wife should try counseling (preferably Christian marriage counselor) and if that does not work...

Answer 4

Tell her about it. Talk about your expectations. If it's not to try to work it out then think of a plan that works better than the way things are going. Ask her if maybe there's anything you can do help her not be so stressed. Like spending more time with your daughter so it frees her up to have a life too. If you think it's a good idea then just tell her that you are hurting and part of you wants everything to be better. Hope it works out.

Answer 5

well, i'm sorry to hear what you are going through. this day and time a good man is hard to find. a woman on the other hand just don't go out to cheat we need a reason. maybe she had too much to deal with and needed you and you thought you were there but not in the way she needed you. you seem to really \love her for the things you are saying. you are willing to accept what happened and you moved on. yes it will be hard to be a family knowing what she did. don't give up on her friendship but you need to find you someone who deserves your love. good luck and continue to do right by your child.

Answer 6

Lot of prayers... Try to do something spontanious like cooking her a romantic dinner with soft music and candles. Try to fall in love all over again the same way you did with her 20 years ago...

Answer 7

Ask her if she even wants to work it out. If she does, then you all need to put each other first. Talk about what went wrong between the 2 of you and why it went wrong. Commit to rebuilding a stronger, better, closer relationship.

Answer 8

If she had an affair then I believe its all about sex. She doesn't see you as her fantasy and you must become her fantasy to keep her attention. I am guessing she is in her mid 30's to late 30's if so...Sounds like she in her sexual prime.

I am sorry but sex is very important in the relationship. start flirting with her more often and being silly.

Women like silly, playful and sexualy men

Answer 9

Your wife is using you for a stand by, as soon as someone comes along that she wants it will be Bye, Bye to you again. When she tries of the next one back to old reliable again, YOU.

Answer 10

get a place in town so you can be a father.other than that , doesnt sound like you have a relationship with the wife. Why do you live there. is it finances. Be roomates.