In his opinion trusting him is more important to him than staying faithful...he says he could trust me to sleep naked next to another man and if I said I didnt do anything, he would believe me.....what can I do to have that much trust in him? What can I do to work on my insecurity .....yes you are probably thinking hes fed me some bull, and tried to make me feel guilty, but I believe he didnt do anything now....how can I reassure him that I want to trust him, and I want him to forgive me?
2006-09-24 07:16:17 · 20 answers · asked by sifford844 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
yeah somebody said its not as if hes going out to the bar....well he is a dealer for the texas hold em poker night at two bars in our area....3 nights a week....and he is a merciless flirt ...he will flirt with anything with female anatomy ...
2006-09-24 13:42:13 · update #1
Many people falsely think that trust and love is equal, for example: You can't love unless you trust completely. Let's turn that statement around and see if it makes sense: If you trust someone, then you love them completely. Think about that...Does that mean if you trust someone won't hurt you, such as a friend or even a co-worker, does that mean you love that person completely? That you could marry them? Of course not! That is silly. :) The same goes for the first statement. You CAN love and have a problem with trust.
Trust is a whole different beast. Love is it's own thing as well. I'm going to share with you my own experience to help explain this...
My husband and I have an absolutely wonderful relationship and marriage. It has always been wonderful. We love and respect eachother completely. My love for my husband has been unwavering. I don't question it. However, when we were first married I was always afraid he would leave for someone else. Not that he did anything to make me think this way. No, he did nothing of the sort. It was because of my very low self-esteem and low self-confidence. When I was growing up I continually watched my mother always come down on my father saying "You looked at that girl! I saw you!" with my father always getting angry and frustrated and saying "I did not! Why do you constantly say that of me???" To this day she STILL does this, even after 35 years of marriage. So it was just ingrained in me, I suppose. Not to mention the fact that I was sexually abused by a man when I was only 6 years old, so I learned never to trust ANY man.
My husband would get upset when I would get jealous or question him. Especially when there was no good reason for it. I had to learn that it was ME and my insecurity that was the problem, not my husband. (Which you have done.) And then I had to work on my insecurity and self-confidence. When I would start to feel jealousy or fear of his loyalty creeping in, I would step back from those thoughts and ask myself if I was being logical. I would look at the situation from a logical perspective and then see the actual thing. It was not easy to do, but I kept at it. In the meantime this has also began to give me confidence in myself. I saw that I could control the way I lead my life. I could make the right choice of looking at every situation that arose in life (everything from trust to making a career in art) and see the positive that would come from looking at everything logically.
I now trust my husband wholeheartedly, just as he trusts me wholeheartedly. I let him help our female friends with no worries anymore. They'll ask me, "Are you okay with this, without you here?" and I very truthfully say "Yes!" I know my husband loves me and won't do anything to destroy what we have, just as he knows I will do nothing to destroy our wonderful relationship.
So make a conscious effort to gain self-esteem and confidence. Once you have it will make a world of difference. Talk to your husband. Tell him you know the lack of trust is a problem only you yourself can change and that it does not reflect on how much you love him. Tell him it is a problem with insecurity and low self-confidence. Communication is vital in any relationship! And then make a big effort to change yourself.
It isn't easy, but it can be done! I know, because I've done it myself. :)
2006-09-24 08:37:12 · answer #1 · answered by Annie R 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You are his *cough* witch now.. *cough* heh.
Sweetie there is no coming back from accussing him and being wrong about it period. First thing to do is make damn sure you never falsely accuse him of anything ever again.
Next he is now awarded a "Get out of jail" card to use at his discretion to which he can use to get out of almost any trouble. Obviously he can't cheat on you and play the card but most other situations are covered by said card. If he doesn't like your mom he can skip a family dinner with no grief from you, he can hit the strip club if thats his thing, or he could take a weekend fishing trip with the guys. You don't have to disclose he has this card but keep it in your head next time he really upsets you or does something on accident.. .. he gets out of the doghouse free of charge.
Finally its time for you to pay the price for smacking him in the face with an false accusation. Cook him dinner, take his car through the car wash, be sweet to hm and maybe bake him a pie. Little things will show him you care a great deal about him and that you should have just trusted him to start with.
2006-09-24 07:29:17 · answer #2 · answered by se7en 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
there may not be any coming back from this . . I mean, if you don't trust him, how can you love him?? . . . trust is something you just have to do . . . it's hard, but you have to tell yourself over and over that you trust him . . when you start thinking negative or bad thoughts, just tell yourself that you trust him and he would never hurt you like that . . . you can say you're sorry, but really words don't mean anything . . you're going to have to show him that you trust him, and you do that by not accusing him of things, unless you have proof that he did it . . . and don't pay attention to any negative comments that people might say . . if you love this man and you believe him, then you stay with him and stand by him . . only you know what will make you happy . . and if this man makes you happy, then you make him happy, too!
2006-09-24 07:37:18 · answer #3 · answered by ♥LoisLane♥ 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I am sure you have said your sorry and that is enough. Drop it now and have more confidence in your self. Accusing him of being unfaithful can drive him to it. So like yourself and believe he is not going to cheat on you. It would be different if he flirted and hung out in bars all the time or gave you reasons to not trust him.
2006-09-24 07:23:58 · answer #4 · answered by auntkarendjjb 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Why did you think your husband was cheating in the first place? If you had reasons and you explained them, and he answered your questions honestly and forthrightly, then you don't have ot keep apologizing. What he feels about his trust for you has nothing to do with how you feel about your trust for him.
And if a man says something stupid about trusting you to sleep naked with another man -- well, let's just say he's blowing smoke out his ***. What a dumb comment for him to make.
2006-09-24 07:21:03 · answer #5 · answered by DD 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Actions speak louder than words. How could you be so insecure to actually accuse your husband of cheating? You need to get a grip on yourself. Talk to someone, get some help and make sure you show him how much you care for him everyday. Good luck....this is not going to get fixed in a day.
2006-09-24 07:21:43 · answer #6 · answered by Barbiq 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You need to learn to be a wise woman. Read Proverbs!!
Prov. 2:11; 9:1; 14:1; 21:23; 24:3; 25:24; 29:20; 31, if you would read this book of proverbs you will not second guess your self.
He said that he (GOD) will not leave us clueless about anthing.
2006-09-24 10:27:49 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
why hes makeing u look like u are guilty?i think he is and he want's to throw all the guilt over u wich is not fair.u know when mans are doing wrong things they try to escape from that guilty by throwing to the others hwo are arround them.even if he didn't do anything i guess it's doesn't make any sens to continue with him cause u said u don't trust him.if hes faithful why hes so scared?
2006-09-24 07:28:56 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Thats a really tough challenge. It will probably take a long time for him to shake that accusation off. I really don't have an answer for you except for...don't jump to conclusions, and look at the whole enchilada before you go making a serious assumption like that.
2006-09-24 07:20:08 · answer #9 · answered by Motorpsycho 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Anyone, man or woman who places this much drama in the TRUST or NO-TRUST issue can't be trusted! Do you honestly think he'd be OK with you sleeping naked next to another man? C'mon! He is SOOO manipulating you!!!!!
Also...and keep this in mind for the rest of your life...in all situations...TRUST YOURSELF!...If you think/feel he's messin' around...he more than likely is! Women have incredible inner voices...listen to them!
2006-09-24 07:37:14 · answer #10 · answered by knrsits 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋