Man with 5 kids won’t allow wife to drive his car alone. Is he rational or, is he being a controlling louse?

Question

I care for my husband’s 5 kids from a prior marriage. They range in ages 10-19. I have no kids. He works at least 12 hrs per / 7days a wk. His children came to live with us about a year ago, their mother asked us to keep them for 2-3 yrs while she gets some things in order. I have health probs, & take 6 different meds each day. I have not been able to work for 9 mos. My hus does not read or write. I supervise his kids, get them ready 4 school each day, do about 4 hours of homework with them each night, talk with serve as contact 4 their teachers, help them w/English lessons (they R in ESL classes at school) & so on. We have 1 car. Today my hus is taking a break from work to nap (this is very rare). I ask if I may run an errand w/his car by myself. He says no he'll take me b/c in the past I've sometimes returned it 20-40 minutes later than I promised and his 18/19 yo sons have McDonald’s jobs & may be late due to me. They have 2 hrs before work, my errand is 15 min away. Thoughts pls?

Answer 1

sounds like he's trying to treat you like one of the kids . . for one, you're his wife, you shouldn't have to ask if you can use the car . .

Answer 2

I'd like to say that you have a controlling man, but you already know that and you've lived with it this long without complaint. I think it would do no good to give you a lecture now honey. As far as the car, this really sort of depends on the reason you were late last time in returning it. If you had a legitimate reason, then he's being irrational. If you didn't and were just out enjoying your freedom, well then, he has cause for concern. Go back and suggest you run your errands after you drop the children off at their jobs. This way nobody is late, you get your errands done and the hubby won't have a good reason to say no.

Answer 3

Your husband should let you take the car unless you have a history of always being late or if your health problems affect your ability to drive. If you can, maybe you should run your errand after dropping the boys off at work.

Answer 4

Tell him that you can take the sons that way if you are running late they can drop u off and then head to work that way you can do the errand and he probably is just concern for his kids to get his kids at their jobs on time its not you good luck

Answer 5

The car is the least of your problems.You are losing your identity in all this.So how long have you been married and why???Wow what drove you into this situation were you escaping something worse?
Get some support for yourself if you can ever get away. Maybe through your church or doctor

Answer 6

Wow. You live with a controlling bastard -- but hey -- you already knew this was what I would say. He obviously thinks less of you than of a paid live in maid and child care provider.
You deserve to be able to get in the car and drive yourself wherever you want to go., You're not his slave.
Leave him.

Answer 7

Leave this control freak and let him figure out a way to take care of his own kids with one car.

Answer 8

He is probably very coked up. This is the only way he can work 7 days a week, 12 hours a day. The cocane is probably causing mood swings.

Answer 9

Girl-u r- doing something most women would not even think of doing! You must really love your husband! I would tell him if he didn't trust me-then the hell with u-take care of your own kids!

Answer 10

Get out now before you become a statistic like that Colorado woman. He sounds like an @$$hole anyway.