I met this girl 5 years ago who i really loved. She sort of pressured me into marriage but I accept that fact and married her and show her my love. I am american and she is Latin, so she has a whole different outlook on what is real love. For me real love is supporting and helping each other, kissing and talking. Thats love. For her love is just being together and being happy all the time.
Rencently we moved and didnt really have anything. I am a college student so I dont have a lot of money. We dont have a lot of bills, but she also just up and decides to quit her job without any notice (this has happened 3 times in the last 5 months) leaving me with the burden of the bills, and stress. She complains that I never buy her anything, or take care of her. I am at my wits end, I have three pairs of pants all with holes I havent bought anything for myself in the last 2 years. I try to take care of her but its not enough. She says I dont love her enough, but she like to ....
2006-09-24 06:29:09 · 24 answers · asked by Joe Bob Charlie, Joe Bob Chopper 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Just make choices on impulse. We are living in Europe, she tells me today she wants a baby and to move to America. she is 28 and I am 25. I told her no baby until I am finished with my degree. Today she informed me that the choices I have made ruined her life.
I havent always been perfect, a couple of times I slapped her, which I regret and told myself I will never do again. She constantly brings up my flaws, and when its time to talk everything just leads to an argument.
Today she told me that she is leaving me Thursday, She gave me the day, thursday. I told her that if she is going to take my money that I have 1500 euros and go. Dont worry Ill find more. She said she doesnt want my help.
Today after walking out of the house she called me to invite me to a movie what the heck is the deal with this girl?What would you do? Let her go or keep fighting? I lover her and I continue to fight. Assuming i dont look like my avitar is there any woman out there that will date me?
2006-09-24 06:34:13 · update #1
1. The outlook on love does not seem like a Latin/American problem. My husband is also European, and we live in Europe. Feel the problem is most probably misunderstanding.
2. If you do your finances together she will not want to spend money. Men need to realize that when women ask for money it is usually because they don't realize how much they really have. If she knows you only have 50 euro, and you need 45 euro just for shopping, she will not be asking for that 25 euro shirt she saw!
3. European women don't seem to be as independent as American women in my experience. They want a man who will take care of them while they have babies, the traditional way. If she is 28 she feels her clock ticking.
4. She probably doesn't really want to leave you. You have both made mistakes. You need to talk more, and work towards finding solutions instead of trying to find who is at fault for what problems you have in life.
5. The more you work together, as a unit, financially, domestically, etc... the better things will be.
good luck
2006-09-24 07:19:32 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
Well the way you put it, the difference of what you both view love comes from her being Latin. I have to tell you that that is not true. People view love all different ways. Love is about communicating, that is what I think that you need to do with her. Tell her how you feel. If this doesn't work, then you might want to consider divorcing her. I am not sure why you married her. I mean you tell us that you were pressured into it. Why couldn't you stand up for yourself and tell her no then? So now you DO need to take a stand and tell her what it is that you want in this marriage. If she can't come to terms with it, then do as I mentioned previously.
Divorce her...
Good Luck and grow some gonads darling... Marriage is a two way street, and right I feel that you are getting run over in both directions.
2006-09-24 14:27:11 · answer #2 · answered by cinson1999 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
My mothers lasting words "Marry in hast repent in leasure." She does come from a culture that believes in the women are taken care of. And that is OK if you can do it. It also is in their culture that the signs of success is in things. I susspect from your reply about taking the 1500 ereos and leave your over it more than she is. Her responce was to put a little distance between you and then try again with another date. First before anything elce keep in mind the education must come first. On that note decide if you can handle this relationship and stay in school if not You should go get the 1500 eros buy a ticket and send her home why should she do it? Are you a man or not ? Next realize just what marriage is and learn from this. Don't do it again until your are ready for it including materially. Sex is not a reason for Marriage. I commend you for your unselfishness of not buying anything for 2 years but now in the future be realistic you too have needs and your going to have to take care of yourself if she dosen't have that much consideration. Latin women pride themselves in their man who demands a lot from them sooo If she want's this to work start standing up and be a man put her in her place not by violence but by telling her keep a job, no children right now and she will start spending 10% of her earning on new clothes for you until you have at least 10 new or decent sets of clothes. If she refuses then buy the ticket.
2006-09-24 14:12:34 · answer #3 · answered by Kdid49 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
To me she sounds ungreatfull and should be brought back to reality. For at least next month hand her the bills and show her your pay stubs and tell her it is her turn to makeyour check sretch to where it won't. Now show her you schedule and tell her this is what you do for her for this many hours a day and this may hours a weekand this is how many hours there is in a day and a week. Then giver her an estimate of how much you will be making after college when you get a job in your field of study. Tell her if she wants to be part of this she has to be part of the now and do her part because love isn't just buying things it is helping and supporting each other in every way.
You are right no baby until things are right between you. From what you said she seems to want a free ticket to America.
2006-09-24 13:37:50 · answer #4 · answered by newspapermaker 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You don't say here if you are working or not. I assume you are working since you say you are left to pay the bills. Perhaps you should split up and she could get a place and work and pay her own bills. You could concentrate on school and work and support yourself and get some new pants. Decide now before children enter into the picture and then it will be a whole new story. It sounds like she has a sense of entitlement and that is not good.
2006-09-24 13:36:46 · answer #5 · answered by Kelly 1 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Whoa! Hold your horses.
I feel your relationship is based on her ideals and is detrimental to your health, sanity and financial well-being.
DO not commit to any other "one-sided" ploys, no more moving, no more baby ideas, etc, You do not have the means to move or to raise a child. She may want to move and have children, then she needs to recognize that you are not compatible. She may wish to leave and get a husband that is willing to support her baby wishes her travel wishes and her spending wishes...
You should be on your own, finish college, build your own sense of self, so that you aren't "pushed" into marriage that easily again. Find the lady that has the same idea as you about love and relations.
2006-09-24 13:40:52 · answer #6 · answered by schnikey 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
well i would say that she is very selfish. it is not about what she wants all the time. love is not selfish it is gratifying and giving. sit down and talk with her and show her what you have and that you are doing the best that you can, and it always will not be good at work but you have to in order to surive you have bills to pay and food to by and clothes to put on your back. a marraige is 100% on both sides not 50/50 it is something that both of you have to work on everyday for the rest of your lives and if she is not willing to do that then you have a decision to make. and congradulations on going to school and working some women would kill to have a man as dedicated as that. Good Luck
2006-09-24 13:37:52 · answer #7 · answered by twinki 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
It is a cultural difference mostly, but she is living here now so she needs to understand that things are different here. Love also means helping each other out, which she doesn't appear to be capable of. She thinks love is being happy all the time? That is practically impossible. Hope you can work through this, but sounds like you are too different for now, maybe she'll mature....
2006-09-24 13:32:59 · answer #8 · answered by Elizabeth L 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You sound like two people who are not good for each other .It takes more than one person to make a marriage work.You need not run after her. She obviously wants out but is having some hesitation so calls to go out.You should focus on other things than whether anyone will date you. That is what got you in this situation.Try being alone for awhile .
2006-09-24 13:59:53 · answer #9 · answered by Style Girl 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
She has the outlook that a man is supposed to take care of a woman while she does nothing. You need to get marriage counseling. Otherwise your resentment will come out and it will be over. She sounds like a selfish spoiled person. I don't think it's going to work.
2006-09-24 13:31:42 · answer #10 · answered by notyou311 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋