I was abused at age 13. I cannot seem to shake it. I have guilt and shame to this day and I have been to therapy and I am never over it. I am 34. The person who did it to me is married to my sister.
2006-09-24 05:10:38 · 12 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Other - Family & Relationships
It was sexual.
My sister hates me over not being able to let it go.
I never want to see him again.
2006-09-24 05:19:57 · update #1
Yes, I know all about Jesus.
2006-09-24 05:44:43 · update #2
You should not have to feel guilty. There's nothing you could have done being so young and innocent. Nothing was your fault and you have to tell yourself that every single day and believe it. Wake up every morning and look yourself in the mirror, tell yourself that you're a beautiful person. And for the person who did it to you, how did he ever end up with your sister? That may be the only thing causing it to be difficult having to face him whenever she's around. Try not to avoid that person and be strong, show that person no fear and that you're a older, more knowledged person and if you feel like you have to....scream at them for what they have done to you, make them feel rotten and disgusting.
As for you sister, is she mental!?! Leave her be and see how far they go with children of their own.
2006-09-24 05:22:32 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Look, society puts the shame into this. Therapists put the guilt into it. Once a person has been violated it changes things. You need to talk to people who have the same experiences. This will allow you to understand that you are not alone and to find out how to get over this. It is nothing more than an "experience" in life. It doesn't have to be devistating. Only when you view through others' eye's and values. If you give it power then you will be held by it.
2006-09-24 05:16:48 · answer #2 · answered by TMAC 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You first have to accept the fact that none of it was your fault. It doesnt sound like you have since you say you have "guilt". You were 13, its not like you asked for it. Shame? You didnt do anything wrong, what is there for you to feel ashamed about?? You were the one who was wronged, taken advantage of. You are giving this person who abused you a tremendous power. Do you realize that by allowing your trauma to guide you this way that this person still has a hold of you? They do not deserve that kind of power. You have to be stronger than ever and allow yourself a happy life. You dont have to forgive this person, or even like them because they are married to your sister. But you do have to let it go to some degree. Since this person is still basically close to you, they see who/how you are. They see how they have affected you and they might even enjoy that. Dont give them the satisfaction.
Good luck to you.
2006-09-24 05:19:54 · answer #3 · answered by JC 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You need to cut ties with your sister and her husband. You will never be able to heal with him right there. That said, you have to make a choice. To let it continue to rule your life, or not.
I say this b/c I too was abused. You realize, that if you do not make the choice to not let it rule you, until then you are being abused by not only yourself, but even those that claim to be your friends.
First and foremost, understand this (you've heard this in therapy) it is not your fault. Even though you feel like it is, it isn't. You can't possibly control his actions, you never could. He's a son of unmarried parents.
Second, remember that the more you think about what happened the more control you are giving to him. He did this thing 21 years ago, and it still haunts you. Every time you allow yourself to be depressed about this, is almost the same thing as allowing yourself to be back there again. You in a since are creating hurt for yourself. It's like waking up every morning and saying, I think I'm going to give myself a paper cut today, and then doing this every morning...ouch!
Once you have realized that you are/were not responsible for his actions. And once he's out of your life. You can begin to move on. This is something that only you can do for yourself by,
-putting it out of your mind when you think about it,
-when you do think about it say to yourself 'It happened, there was nothing I could do about it, but I can now,
-Talking about it with a very close person...a husband etc...
-Remember that no matter how horrible it was, it did make you who you are today...and that's not a bad person,
The list could go on and on. It's a tough road to travel. But you will never begin to feel fulfilled in this life until you learn to let go. Not forgive necessarily, but to let go. The first step is getting him out of your life, and that includes your sister b/c she's married to him. I'm sorry to say.
Good Luck.
2006-09-24 05:25:06 · answer #4 · answered by Heart of Plat 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Oh dear, that is a difficult situation you have. You'll have a tough time getting over it as long as you have to see your brother-in-law. Out of sight - out of mind is not an option for you. Therapy is probably best but if you have exhausted that avenue, then you have no option there. Sometimes you just have to declare an end to something in your life. Imagine a string from you to your brother-in-law --- then cut it. Visualize this everyday. Don't feel guilty over something he did to you. Its not your fault. Don't blame yourself and don't let anyone else blame you. (I'm wondering if you have spoken to your sister and brother-in-law about this.)
2006-09-24 05:16:09 · answer #5 · answered by farahwonderland2005 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I have heard that closure can take different forms. I think you should have the right to sit down and confront him in a controlled setting. What most don't realize is that this can be passed on to others like dominos. Like it or not you might be having some issues with rejection.
2006-09-24 08:25:09 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
FIRST OF ALL TEL YOUR SELF IT WAS NOT YOUR FAULT.BECAUSE IT WAS NOT YOUR FAULT. THEN REMEMBER THIS. This MAN HAS A PROBLEM . THIS IS NOT YOUR PROBLEM. THEN Do some research. OFTEN times they were molested when they were young. That's probably what happen to him. THEY just repeat what happen to them. I KNOW IT DO NT EXCUSE What HAPPEN. THIS happened to my cousin. SHE finally saw the whole picture,and why he did that to her. IT was easier 4 her to get over it and move on. BUT you never 4 get, BUT you can help some one else when you run across some one. EVEN on answers. BLESS YOU. TRY to 4 give your self and him.MY sister and i finally went to church to gather, THE lord helped us to move on. BLESS u star
2006-09-24 05:19:29 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
I said a prayer for you today
And know God must have heard-
I felt the answer in my heart
Although He spoke no word!
I didn't ask for wealth or fame
(I knew you wouldn't mind)-
I asked Him to send you treasures
Of a far more lasting kind!
I asked that He'd be near you
At the start of each new day
To grant you health and blessings
And my friendship to share your way!
I asked for happiness for you
In all things great and small-
But it was for His loving care
I prayed the most of all!
By: Kenny P. aka-Cobra
2006-09-24 05:12:52 · answer #8 · answered by Cobra 5 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Abused sexually or physically? I think it's great you are in counseling but somethings take many many years to heal from and the fact that he is married into your family makes the healing process harder
2006-09-24 05:13:07 · answer #9 · answered by Amy M 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
The only thing I can say is take it day by day. don't give the creep the power over you. As for your sis If he did it then he might be doing it now.
2006-09-24 06:05:21 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋