I've been dating+ a wonderful guy for just about one year. Unfortunately, he's been unemployed through the whole period; but has been really working hard and interviewing to get a job. The market's tight; but, finally, there are several opportunities on the front. I'm lucky enough that I have been able to help him out financially (100%) so that his lifestyle didn't change and he didn't take a job just for the purpose of taking the job and being miserable. I really love him and he tells me he really loves me; but, there are those few items on the table that still bug me..including not having access to the apartment (like I'm really just going to walk in). It's not the money, truly. If it were, I'd of stopped that a while ago. I have friends that say I need to cut the ties immediately, but I hate to kick someone when their down. Plus I just know that as the employment side changes, he will be a different person. Am I just nuts or what?
2006-09-24 04:50:23 · 10 answers · asked by Murray 1 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Other - Family & Relationships
Dump him,you deserve better.
2006-09-24 04:57:26 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
If he has allowed you to finacially support him 100% for 1 year already what kind of man does this tell you that he is? What kind of a guy that supposedly loves you allows YOU to do with out so he can sit around waiting for the ideal job to come around. How do you know that will ever happen? It sounds like the has found someone to take care of him (you) and he is comfortable so why so he ever go back to work? Why do you think he doesn't want you to have acess to the apartment you are paying for? Hello ! could it be he has something to hide? You better wake up and stop being a doormat. Take away the money and you will see he will become a different person quite possibly not intersted in you. You better take a deep breath and examine what is important to you; if you don't mind being taken advantage of because of your need to take care of him and your love for him (because by his actions I can see and so can your freinds that he doesn't love you) then keep it up but one day he'll find someone that pays him more and then you'll feel worse. Or you can stand up for yourself and say this is a grown man who now needs to able to provide for himself. You are not his mom his mom would probably have a key to his place. Love takes actions his actions show he is using you his words may sound nice but yes you would be stupid to stay with him a moment longer. The day you don't put out he will leave you for someone who will. Pay now and pay later or cut your losses now and just walk away.
IF he loves you he will get a job IMMEDIATELY if not sooner no matter where at whatever wage and he will stick to it. Do NOT help him financially for any reason or buy him anything else. Or you will be stupid
2006-09-24 12:28:11 · answer #2 · answered by miss moni 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Really and truly he needs a job regaurdless if he likes it or not, the more you give him money the less harder he'll try to get a job. I work at a job I hate with a passion but I know I need to work. If someone came up and just gave me money I wouldn't work either. But he's the man or so i'm sure he calls himself that so he should be the one working and you should be the one getting his money. Having access to the apartment will come in due time, men are crazy when it come to that my boyfriend didn't give me access until we were together for about a 1year and a half and I had to beg then but that was only because we were having a baby, so let that go. But I really hate guys like that all he's doing is using you and love is blocking you way of seeing it. I not saying leave him just yet but if he doesn't get a job you might have to find someone else!!!!
2006-09-24 12:04:39 · answer #3 · answered by baby gurl 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Nobody likes to 'kick someone when they're down', but if he's been without a job for a year, that's a huge red flag that there is something wrong. There is never a good time to break up with someone. Ending a relationship should be about what's right for you. Otherwise you could get sucked into waiting for months until he has one more interview, or call back or whatever the excuse happens to be when you should be out meeting new and more interesting guys!
2006-09-24 12:01:42 · answer #4 · answered by norberta 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I'm sorry you're in this dilemma. I really think he is taking advantage of your love for him. I think you started a bad precedence when you took on all his financial responsibilities. Let me tell you...a real man will mop floors and scrub toilets if he has to, because a real man would never depend on a female to take care of his every need and then have the nerve to turn down jobs that make him miserable!. Drop his butt like a bad habit and let "Slick Rick", have a little taste of what is known as reality. Sometimes in life we all have to do some things that we don't like, but that's the way it goes. How many of us have jobs that make us just leap for joy....you do what you have to do and step up to the plate, because like it or not.that's life. You sound like a really sweet person, and I hate it when nasty users take advantage of a person's kindness, but he will get it back in the end......believe me I've seen it happen to a few I know and I guarantee one day he will come back to you with tail tucked between legs apologizing for being an idiot. I wish you much happiness and I pray you find the right guy deserving of you. I hope you aren't offended by anything I said, but from one female to another, I feel we have to watch out for each other and hold one another up. You may not know me,but I care. Take it easy and God bless.
2006-09-24 12:14:12 · answer #5 · answered by softlyinspired 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well I think your VERRY kind to pay someones rent and bills for over a year. Maby a little to kind. Ya might want to start pushing him to work some wear any wear (McDonalds even). Its not being mean pushing him, its just making him grow up and work of a living. (you can't tell me he's grown up if he's been taking your $ for a year and still keeping his own place)
If he leaves then you were just a free meal ticket and needed to move on any how.
Good luck !
2006-09-24 12:03:37 · answer #6 · answered by Ben 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You need to really open your eyes baby! Wake up and smell the coffee,he's takin' you to the cleaners. Keep all records of the money you have spent so that if worse comes to worse you can get the money back thru small claims court.
2006-09-24 11:53:50 · answer #7 · answered by sookie1969 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You probably are nuts in love. It can't be all one sided. If it is you need to stop and wake up.
2006-09-24 12:04:11 · answer #8 · answered by doglady 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
yep
2006-09-24 11:52:30 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
RUN AWAY ! run away and don't ever look back.......
2006-09-24 11:57:42 · answer #10 · answered by vanislandwitch 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋