Does anyone else agree that having children is selfish?

Question

Please take this question seriously and look at it from a psychological point of view...

I will give my stance on why I think this in a few hours after I have some intelligent answers that give their stance for or against what I have just asked.

Obviously I do not mean everyone... Think of the people out there who do not want children and society tells them they are selfish for NOT wanting children.

I am simply putting the question in reverse and stating that it may be selfish TO have children.

Answer 1

Great Question

I think it is a very strong natrual desire for some people, one that they can't always explain. Can you truly explain any of your strong desires, such as why you fell in love with your partner?

Are penguins, horses, cows, dogs and cats selfish for having children? Did they want children? Or did they just want sex? If so, then why do animals nurture their young. Is it just instinct? If it's instinct, I don't think humans are above that.

I think if you are someone who truly will benefit a child, it is not selfish to have children. Sure these people receive a wonderful gift in return, but it is reciprocal, and hopefully makes the world a better place.

If you are someone who will be a liability to that child, who can't provide for them or nurture them, then I think it becomes more about you and thus becomes more selfish.

The idea of selfishness is coming upon us because overpopulation is a serious threat to global economies and to the environment. Just about every major problem in the world has roots in overpopulation. Land clashes, global warming, pollution, depletion of natural resources, starvation would all be lessened if it weren't for over-population. We have reached a tipping point in terms of humans on earth and natural resources.

In regards to these issues, the desire to have children is a selfish desire. It puts your needs over the greater good.

I'm not saying that we should not have children. That would be folly for the species and not at all practicle. But we should seriously think about population control not only here, but in Africa and other areas of the world in which large families are coveted.

Nature (the second most prestigious scientific journal) just came out with an article stating that Africa needs access to cheap in vitro fertilization, due to the suffering that infertility causes women in these countries. Even if the woman is fertile, she is an outcast if her husband can't have children. She suffers greatly. Is it selfish to not want to suffer? No.

The solution to this problem is not easy. It will require changing the way individual people and populations think.

China is actually fairly progressive on this issue. It is a common misconception that a Chinese family can only have 1 child. They can actually have as many as they want. But they are taxed if they have more than 1. There system is not perfect because it results in the abortion of a greater proportion of female babies.

So this was a long answer. But it's not an easy question. And it's an important question. The next question is: how do you get populations to change deeply rooted cultural and instinctual behaviors? From a practical matter, I don't think you do it by calling them selfish, that will antagonize them.

I think you need to educate them and recruit them to your side.


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Answer 2

I am going to try to answer this from an objective point of view(I have FOUR) I can understand why some people feel that way but there are some of us that have children and do a damn good job of taking care of them. I think that having children is a contribution to the world and there are people that give serious thought to all the issues about bringing children into the world. From an emotional point of view-you don't know what you are missing!

Answer 3

I think sometimes it really is selfish, especially under certain circumstances.

Cases where a one of the people in a relationship fail to use birth control in hopes of getting pregnant to "trap" the other partnetr into a relationship.

Or, Married couples that are having problems and think that all of their marital problems would be solved if they had a child.

Or even cases where the couple can barely afford taking care of themselves, much less a child

Playing devil's advocate, my husband and I have made the decision to NOT have children and our main reason is "selfishness" - we enjoy the lifestyle we currently live and each other's company and we know a child would impact that greatly.

Answer 4

I suggest that selfishness is not an adjective that can be applied to this topic.

We are hard-wired to perpetuate our genes; the sex drive is the strongest of all drives, and it's there to guarantee that the species continues. What we respond to when we wish for children is a kind of biological imperative.

Some couples who choose not to have children because they value their current lifestyle are sometimes called selfish. It would not seem to apply, however, since they are not withholding something from an existing organism. In terms of world overpopulation, they might even be called responsible.

Couples in developing countries often have many children. This is a survival strategy. They know not all will survive to adulthood, so they are creating a kind of insurance for care in their old age. That's merely common sense. As the availability of medical care improves, family size will decline.

If I'm going to employ an adjective in this discussion, I'd go back to "responsibility." (Oops, that's a noun). Couples who fail to use birth control and have unwanted children, or more children than they can afford to support, are simply irresponsible.

Yes, I have children, and they give me great pleasure. But any parent will tell you that there's a great deal of selflessness involved in raising children...so on balance, as I said at the outset, "selfishness" does not apply.

Answer 5

At the beginning I felt like you. I thought why bring in another life into this hopeless, immoral world when there are other children that truly need a family. I would rather adopt to help them, their future and better society.

However, I met someone that was special to me and begged me to have children. I did hesistantly and I fell in love w/children in general. I wanted my son to have a brother/sister for companionship. I did and closed up shop immediately. No need to have more mouths to feed or overpopulate unnecessarily.

There is only so much attention to give to my children and I want them to get their fair share and two children will not be denied attention between my husband and I. More than that, I believe children may become needy. I know I will get hateful responses but this is my opinion. One child for each arm and don't have more than you can carry.
My children are the future and I hope I raise them to contribute to a better society, positively and morally. This is a true self-sacrifice on my part for our future.

Answer 6

I have one son (25 years old) that is all we wanted. He turned out wonderful. But I believe having 3 or more is being very selfish. I have a friend that will have her 7th child because she wants a girl after having 6 boys. This is selfish.

"If" I never had a child I would not be so upset over it like many women are of not having children. But if my son dies I would be devasted.

Having my son and watching him grow into a wonderful man, and pursuing his dream in law enforcement has given me a great peace of mind.

Having children just to have children and then not to take interest in their lives is selfish.

I hope I made sense here.

Answer 7

I don't feel my husband and I are selfish at all for having children. Our children are loved, well taken care of, want for nothing, and are the center of our world. I think we made the world a little better by bringing these beautiful little people into it.
I certainly don't think someone is selfish who decided not to have children. I would rather people not have children if they don't want them, then to have them and end up neglecting the child.
I'm totally convinced having my babies was the right thing to do, and I'll never feel otherwise.

Answer 8

To have children of your own when there are so many out there that don't have parents is defiantly selfish and after college I do plan to adopt but I see your point of view and that of the other example you gave of it being selfish to not want kids.

Answer 9

Sure it's selfish, at least that's one way of putting it. Couples typically want children to fulfill themselves, to love and raise. Even farm people who, before there was machinery to work the land with, had numerous children to help with the farm, did so for selfish reasons. There are probably others, but the only to "nations" I know of where children were bred for another purpose are Sparta and Nazi Germany, both of which wanted fodder for their armies.

Answer 10

Well to be honest with you, I think not having kids is selfish. I don't have any children and it was always for reasons about me. I was in school, I wanted a career, I loved going out at night too much. So I think that I was the selfish one for not wanting children. I'm older now and sometimes I do regret the fact that I don't have children.