My husband wants me to be submissive to him, I am 35 years old and I dont cheat we have been together for 7 years and have had good times and bad , the bad always come back as my fault becaise i am being to indepndant. Are there any men who like honest non- cheating women who takes care of the house and then some . I am in ju jitsu and he does not mind except some times I have to grapple with men at class do to the lack of women. But I would never cheat on my marriage . I love him but he calls me names when we fight and makes me feel inferior. He took us to the fair the other day ,us being our children and took a loritab and drank about 6 beers and became really hateful and tried to punish me for not careing about him being hungry because i wanted to pet the horses . It only took a minute. We got into a fight in front of the kids he walked away , I called him three timesto tell him we were leaving. he refused. Then walked home. And blamed me for walking home.
2006-09-24 03:36:49 · 17 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
It all goes back to caveman time, He is trying to alpha leader you,, same as when dogs fight or chickens one and only one can be a leader,, coyotes, wolves all have alpha leaders, bears,, any mammal, so you need to put him in his place,,
he sounds like a ***, there are those of us who would love a good wife,, someone to be a partner and lover.
not good to fight in front of the kids either,, kids do not deserve that, stick up for yourself, you might need that ju itsu,,
2006-09-24 03:50:32 · answer #1 · answered by rich2481 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
He treats you this way cos he is so insecure himself and probably knows that other men could treat you better. He is terrified that you will start to live your own life and make your own decisions and discover that you could have done better than him. Seriously this behaviour is not acceptable, so its up to you to let him know that you will not tolerate being blamed for his unhappiness. . . The way he treated you at the fair made him sound like a spoilt two year old having a tantrum cos he couldn't be the centre of attention.
Either tell him to get therapy or be strong and leave him. You cant spend the rest of your life walking on egg shells worrying in case you say or do something to set him off again.
2006-09-24 10:53:49 · answer #2 · answered by Pauline N 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It sounds to me like first and foremost, he may have a problem with drugs/drinking and well that is the first part that is the hardest part for him to take a look at. From there is where you are probably getting the whole attitude that goes with somebody who has a problem with drinking etc. It becomes all about them! It becomes a controlling thing! It sounds like he has issues and is in need of help. However if he doesn't see it, doesn't think it, then regardless, you need to go to Al-Anon meetings, and learn how to take care of yourself, and learn what is going on. You need some support!! He is trying to make you feel inferior and you are not! You sound like a strong person to me, who has a good head on her shoulders, so use it! You don't have to take this stuff, it is called emotional abuse!!! You also need to protect your kids! So go to a meeting, go to a good therapist who specializes in drinking and drug problems, and keep taking care of you by getting out to do things and doing what is right for you and the kids. If he truly wants to change, then he will see by your example of being healthy and getting help, and he will! It is going to take time. Nobody knows the end result of something like this but it is important for you to set the boundaries with him, what is acceptable and what is not. He sounds like he needs help but that's not your problem, that is his! Don't "enable" him! Don't let him control you or the kids. Good luck! You can do it! You are stronger and wiser than you may think!
2006-09-24 10:45:44 · answer #3 · answered by Laurie S 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
He is a control freak. What your children are learning through observation is that this is "normal" behavior between a man and woman in a marriage. This is setting them up to fail or at the least have the same kind of relationship they see you having. If you have daughters, is this what you want for them.
I would say you need to get into counseling, especially him, and change your what you are showing the children. If he refuses, then take the kids and run.
2006-09-24 10:44:04 · answer #4 · answered by OleMarbleEyes 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Sounds like he is jealous of what's going on in your ju jitsu class, but more than likely he's been like that before you were taking classes. Either way you don't need that. Let him know you won't put up with his crap and be ready for his response because he'll probably get violent. You don't need someone like him, fighting in front of your children is not a good thing.
2006-09-24 10:42:43 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
It's too bad that he feels the need to verbally abuse you. The fault is his, but maybe you could both go to couseling together. He obviously has some anger management problems, and seems pretty immature from what you wrote. I'd try to get him to go to counseling if I were you. It sounds like even if you try to be more submissive (and how happy would you be then?), he'd still find fault with you.
I just had a thought -- how about going to church? If you go to one, keep an eye out for any couples classes they might have. Lots of couples do those -- it's not like admitting your marriage sucks if you go to them. :)
Good luck.
2006-09-24 10:42:08 · answer #6 · answered by bibliophile31 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Tell him to grow up! He seems like an immature mommas boy! From what u said it reminds me of a 2 year old pulling tantrums.... What i would do is ignore him, he blames you for walking home, tell him no one told u to walk home an ignore him from there... Just dont feed his tantrums cuz they get worst, he acts like a 2 year old treat him like one IGNORE HIM. He'll get over it eventually. Oh and dont worry about him leaving you, he is too much of a baby and needs u.
2006-09-24 11:55:37 · answer #7 · answered by Tina 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
He sounds like an insecure asshole. You dont need to be mentally abused by him,,especially in front of your children. Do you want your kids growing up and thinking its ok to treat others this way??? Of course you dont. I think you need to get rid of him,,because hes just bringing you down to his level. You are better than he is,,,and he knows that. Thats why he treats you this way. Get rid of his ***. Take care of your children without him or his abuse. At least for your childrens sake.
2006-09-24 10:41:04 · answer #8 · answered by michelle 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If he won't go for joint counseling, go alone...then go alone to an attorney. Forearmed is the stance to take here. If he ever gets the slightest bit physical, lock his keister up. Then get yourself and those kids out of there. Good luck.
2006-09-24 10:41:56 · answer #9 · answered by longhair140 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Your husband feels that he needs to be in control. That is his problem, and he needs to deal with it and that is not by being abusive to you. Tell, do not ask, him to get some counciling, or he will have to find some where else to live, and mean it
2006-09-24 10:41:27 · answer #10 · answered by rkilburn410 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋