Opinions: Disappointing friendships?

Question

Hi all,
I need some opinions about friendships which have kind of lapsed since early January, when my dad died. This couple, who were some of the first people I told about it, were to too busy to come to the wake and I’m ok with that. The guy was himself dealing with the loss of his grandma just a few days before my dad passed on, so I kind of knew how he was feeling.

While I have met up with them about 1or 2 times since the wake, they’ve only asked me how I was doing when I called them to see how they were doing. I’ve sent smses on occasion to the guy too over the months, to offer support over his loss. Those 2 times I met up with them it was with other people who didn’t know about dad, so they didn’t ask how I was, or talk about it. I understand.

We last talked 4-5 months ago and besides the smses I sent them each for their birthdays earlier on, and a few phone calls, I don’t have the energy to keep plodding on.

There’s not enough space to write everything, but shd i try again?

Answer 1

Its sad when people disappoint us like that. I don't want to side with them, but sometimes people don't know what to say or how to react to tragedy so they take the easy route and don't say or do anything at all. You mentioned that one of them was a man, it may be especially difficult for him to reach out to you simply because he may have been socialized to not show emotion (sorry for the stereotype all you men out there). Still, I can see how badly you must be feeling. Have you told them? They may not realize how they've made you feel. I would try one more time, I would hate for you to loose something that is obviously important you without at least trying open communication. If that doesn't work then you are probably better off with more positive people in your life. And I am very sorry about the loss of your father which has now been compounded by the potential loss of your friends.

Answer 2

Hi,
From what I understand from your statement, you have been trying to keep up friendship with a couple who were your friends before your dad's expiry, but who now dont seem to be much concerned about you and things in your life now. Am I right ?
You have been makimg friendly gestures towards them but without getting any genuine reponse in return.
If that is the case, it is really frustrating and disheartening, especially in your bereaved state. But you stated that the guy himself had recently lost his grandma. It could be the post bereavement-trauma, for he could have been very attached to her.Lets think of good , positive reasons.
Well you are not obliged to keep on making gestures.Do so if you feel like it, neednt expect them to return.I hope you are not dependent upon them financially or emotionally.If you are, you have to get independent, as such things need not bother us too much.Let people contact us when they feel like it. When anybody feels the compulsion to respond, they are bound to feel uncomfortable and may back off. Learn to relax and accept yourself as you are.You are fine as you are.You have to accept yourself unconditionally, because you have to breath for yourself, eat for yourself, think for yourself,.... Isnt it a wonderful life ?

Answer 3

There could be an underlying reason for their lack of compassion and response to you...i would like to know what that is, if it was me..i would want to be given the chance to discuss and deal with it as their friendship is important to you...yes, keep on trying and ask directly, not through sms..Start like this...I miss our talks and friendship so much, can you tell me if I have offended you in any way or is there something else upsetting you...When they answer tell them how you feel...good luck..honesty is best...

Answer 4

just try phoning them and ask whoever comes on the line if everything is ok between all of you,,they may feel the same and not want to say anything but saying nothing doesnt seem to be working does it,if the friendship is to progress to something more solid you have to be the one to broach it as you are the one it is bothering,,if they no longer want a friendship,so be it but at least you wont be sat on the fence not knowing,,,give them a ring,,they may just have a lot going on you dont know about and once you do know they may feel inclined to share it if this is the case,,friendship is built on many things and one of them is trust,,they may or may not want to trust information to you or they may have none to share but for your own sake,,ask.

Answer 5

Yes, find out what is up with them. It could be they are going through serious things and just have not had the presence of mind to remember their friends. Let them know that you miss them and ask if you have offended them in any way. I am sure they are probably going through something at the moment and do not mean to snub you.

Answer 6

first of all..sorry for ur loss..

well..i guess that the guy was kindda sad n when ur dad passed away that makes him remebered bout his grandma too..

maybe they think that life must go on..u didnt know what exactly what happen on their side..so..just keep on doing for what u have done..just stick to ur principe..that show u how u care n maybe all ur smses makes their day happier..or maybe they ran out of credit to reply..

good luck!~

Answer 7

Something might be wrong ask them about it and i am always here to talk so you can email me

Answer 8

ask them what the problem is.....if they aren't willing to talk about it, then don't bother