Have i ruined my life????????????for a drunk joke??

Question

marriage between an 18 yrs old girl and a 21 yrs old guy. who only new each other 2 months before getting married spur of moment as a joke been married for a month and have a baby on the way because of forgetting protection while drunk the wedding night. How do i even get to now my husband?Do we pretend we are still dating?I am in my first year od college and feel my life is over before it got started really. He has had all this time to party and has only a year left of school! am scared to live with him because it would be like living with a stranger and both set of parents his hate me mine hate him!and we might have to live with one of our families. I am scared and pregnant!!!any advise for stress?

love him and he seems to love me but is it puppy love or real love?how do i find out which it is?How do i tell my parents i am pregnant?

He wants to stay married and have the baby.

Answer 1

Sounds like puppy love. Be a strong woman and just tell your parents you're pregnant. They're going to know in a few months more anyways.

Answer 2

Well some would say it's never too late to get out the marraige or that it's wrong. Here's the test. Love is more than spending time together & kissing & touching. When you can both grow & change together without the love being less for it, then it's real love. Puppy love is the blind superficial love. Let's use your pregnancy for example. When you become the size of a house & he can honestly look at you & still tell you you're the most beautiful thing in the world and mean it. Then when you have the baby he looks at you in awe even though you look like you just got out a boxing match (& you will). It's good to still date when you are married. It won't be pretend dating. It will be real dating. Settling down in a routine can be comfortable but it get's old. Keep some spontenaity. What truly keeps a marraige a good one is when you can be friends & lovers. I'm not going to lie. It may get a bit more difficult to be together when the baby arrives, so try to enjoy the alone time the both of you have now. Then when the baby arrives try to spend some quality time together at least once a week. It's your choice to believe that your life is over or you can choose to work to your goals. It was hard before it will just be a bit harder because your baby will come first. Don't give up on your dreams because you belive your baby will hold you down. Your baby won't hold you down. Because you are married won't hold you down. There are many successful women who have families. Don't give up especially since you still have the drive for it. Because later in life if you don't you may be bitter towards your family. Then you will always have the "what if" questions lingering in your mind. You get to know your husband by spending time with him. Ask him questions you would getting to know a friend. Hope this helps.

Answer 3

WOW I am floored that woman leave it up to the man for protection.
YOU should have been on some kind of birth control. But that is neither here nor there.

First of all do you want this baby??
Are you prepared to love it raise it.
How will you finish school and raise a baby at the same time?

You have a double problem. You don;t even know this young man that you married. So now not only do you two have to get to know each other you have the stress of a baby on the way.
One part of your statement tells me you are not ready for any of this and that is the "He has had all this time to party" Life is not a party. You have just thrown yourself into the real world.

Your parents I am hoping will help and guide you through this difficult time. You need to sit down with them and tell them that you are pregnant so that as a family you can figure out what it is you are going to do.
Do you want to stay married to this person? You could get an annulment. Where have you two been living since the marriage??
Does he know that you are pregnant and how does he feel about it. Be prepared for him NOT to be there in the long run, as it seems neither one of you thought much of anything thru. So what will you do if he decides this is all to much for him???


please sit down and think thru everything.
I wish you all the best

Answer 4

how pregnant are you? is it too late for the morning after pill? do you really want this baby, now, or would you like a little more time? I think I know the answer but had to ask.

is abortion an option?

ok. let me tell you about my first wife. I'll start by saying we were married fo 14 years. the problem was sex. I wanted it all the time and she never wanted it but would give in once a week because she felt obligated to. she lied when she said she loved me. I was a way out of her home and away from her father. We didn't know each other that well when we married and even less after the wedding. it wasn't worth it. the reason we were married so long is because we were both raised to believe that marrage is sacred and you stay with the one you marry no matter what.

Personally, if I were you and knowing what I know now I'd get an abortion and an annulment. Date the guy and see if he's right for you. You sound funny and cute but need to watch your alcohol intake in the future.

good luck

Answer 5

I guess the best way is to discuss with husband how you feel and then meet with both sets of parents and tell them how the two of you feel and that you are starting a family and will need all the emotional support that they can give. If they can give none possibly they can keep it to themselves. You guys are going to need a lot of support - keep in school if you can.

If your husband is not into the whole thing than end it now the marriage before all the pain - there are always choices.

You have to be married because you want to be.

Breathe deeply to blow out the stress from your body in the meantime.

Answer 6

You seem to have taken the first step, recognizing you need help and asking for it. Congratulations. I have worked with many young adults in similar circumstances. My advice is that you should seek out a counselor you can trust. You need to take care of YOU, first. If the relationship is something you both want to work on, you can do that, also, through a clinician. They may have a counselor at your college. Check it out and you can get help from there. The counselor can help connect you with WIC and other services for your baby; like prenatal health. Learning to forgive yourself and learning to love both take TIME. It's that 4-letter word that we all like to rush. The truth is that no one can rush, change or stop TIME. It's the same for everyone. I hope you have using alcohol and other drugs, including nicotene. As for stress, try some of these: Deep, steady breaths, listening to music or other soothing sounds, bubble baths, reading or whatever you do for a hobby or enjoyment. Keep the faith. You're not alone and there is help available for you!

Answer 7

well it seems like you and him have a lot to do before the baby gets here . . . you are the one who married him after only knowing him for 2 months, so you need to figure out a way to live with the decision that the 2 of you made . . . you and him need to sit down and do some serious thinking . . you said he wants to stay married and have the baby, but what do YOU want???

Answer 8

Sounds like it is time for you to grow up and accept responsibilty for your actions. You weren't drunk when you got married to a guy you only new for 2 months and after making that mistake (your own words) you go and make another dumb mistake by not using protection. You are an adult and you are married so there is no reason you shouldn't just tell your parents. To reduce the stress you need to have a long talk with your parents and husband. Maybe together you all could come up with a plan for this poor child that is on its way.

Answer 9

well from experience.i didnt get married for a joke ...however i was 17 and my hubby was 22,we met in march of 1997.got married in may ,1997,and i became pregnant august of the same year...WOW,huh?...it is now 2006 and we have been married for almost 10 years,we have two beautiful girls,,this is the positive of the relationship..but still till this day i feel sometimes like i did not have enough time to get to knoiw him like i could have and we never got to date and become friends first so there are many days when i look at him and wonder who he is and i think back to all we have had to go through to get to where we are and i think we are really two strong people that just did what we had to do and thats that....good luck and just take it all one day,,,one breath at a time and find humor in everything as much as possible...

Answer 10

Real love? I hardly think so. You have not had the time to cultivate such a deep emotion.

However, you both have produced a baby, and your feelings of you life being over before it has even started are not baseless. Your life will forever be changed, whether or not the father stays with you.

I pray for both of you, dear one, and a special prayer for the innocent life you both drunkenly brought forth. I suggest your curtail your drinking lifestyle and focus on what you and your baby need. Your past irresponsibilities are no longer an issue; your future responsibilites are.