Am I being unreasonable?

Question

I work & attend school full-time, thus have very little "free time"; I am on campus from 7:30am-12:30pm (M-F), & I am @ work from 1:00pm-10:00pm (M-F). Additionally, I am not free on Sat's until after 1:00pm, which only leaves me about 36 hrs b/w Sat. afteroon & Sun evening to do HW (which is still not nearly enough time) & to try to have some "down time" of my own.

Dilemma: My partner of 11.5 yrs does't help around the house; it is an absolute MESS! We have 3 dogs & 3 cats, whose upkeep is quite demanding. I am always the first one up @ 6:30am, therefore I always let the dogs out & feed all 6, & then get ready for school. Once ready, I wake her up & she takes me to school; she picks me up @ 12:30 to go to work. (note: we live 3-4 miles from campus)

We have food, but she refuses to cook anything & would rather eat out which costs a lot of $...the laundry is always behind...she doesn't clean the litter or the poops outside...she thinks I should do more, but I feel I do enough. Do I?

Answer 1

You do more than enough. Tell her you are goig to get rid of the pets if she dosen't help out more with them. One pet is a lot of work, I cant inagine having 6.

Answer 2

I have a hard time answering that as I am a stay at home and my husband works. So in in my world it comes down to i am home so I do it. That is my part of the 50 50. He works so I don't have to worry about money. I do the budget and clean the house, look after the kids and cook the food { ok so maybe its more like 60 40} so he can work and not have to worry about getting to the bank to pay the bills,day care or maid service. Now when we are both home on the week ends we share the work evenly. Not sure if this will help but good luck any way.

Answer 3

Does she work or go to school?

What is her schedule like?

If she has less demands than you of course she should be helping end of story. If she doesn't then she isn't respecting your feelings or your role in the relationship. You need a line of support as most of us do and as your partner that is her job.

You could try listing the things that need to be done on paper and asking her of those whcih she can take care of. Its possible she doesn't realize how much you are doing and the lack of work she is doing.

If she isn't willing to budge then discuss with her ways of getting rid of work through various means. Finding new homes for the pets, moving to a new place with no yard (if you have one now), each person washing their own clothes, and anything else you can think of. Even if you wouldn't want to do some of thses just talking about these options may put a spark in her to realize how serious you are.

Answer 4

Get rid of her and keep the dogs and cats. At least you know what to expect from them. You can always hire someone to clean and cook for you, (man or woman), without having to go through a battle everytime you come home. Plus if you want to eat out instead of cooking yourself, you would save money, and cover the cost of eating out by not having to support this lazy person. By the way Ladies, I love the women and could not do without them, but it goes both ways, man or woman. She has used you for all these years, but also you can only be used as much as you permit yourself to be used. Once she has to be on her own, believe me she will see what she has thrown away. I know it is hard to part from someone after these many years, but are you not tired of this by now, or do you just not want to be alone. Hope this helps.

Answer 5

So I take it you are the guy in the relationship. And I also take it that your GF is lazy. Start getting rid of some of the pets. Give them to friends or whatever if your that attached. Next start throwing out any of the clutter that gets in the way. TVs stereos and all that junk; Sell it you don't have time for it anyways.
When you start living a meager existence she may get the hint.
Make you life very uncomplicated so you can see through it with some clarity. Would you actually want to marry someone who doesn't pitch in?

Answer 6

try getting up and from the start of the day to the end,,both of you write what you have done along the way,,including traveling time,,ie travel to work,25 mins,,school lesson,45 mins,,cover all the day and see exactly how much time is wasted in the home doing nothing,if you are not there it is impossible to do housework isnt it,,if she is there and doing nothing,,she should do it as she comes accross it,,if she can show she hasnt the time either it may help you both understand your time cant be split everywhere at the same time,someone has to do it.

Answer 7

You do plenty! Maybe you ought to get rid of the animals (for now) and quit letting your mate get away with doing nothing. You can fix yourself a sandwich and refuse to take her out to eat....maybe after a while she'll catch on....and, do your laundry when needed but leave hers....sounds to me like she's spoiled and lazy.

Answer 8

My sis has animals and even keeping up with them they can still be a hassle if she won't help give her a reality check,sounds to me she has it easy and your doin all the work,tell her how you feel and if she doesn't care go it alone,you already are anyway what diif. would it make.

Answer 9

You sound like you're doing more than enough.

I'm a big animal lover, but people who won't take care of them, shouldn't have them. Your partner sounds like she needs a reality check.

Answer 10

what a mess. i understand you a lot. Fine the rule and tell your friend to respect. You can change her little by little. I think your freind cannot do things in one time. give her time to change.