My boyfriend.......?

Question

likes to look at porn. Which bugs me. For whatever reasons, it just does. He looks at it way to much. I've offered to watch it WITH him, and even make one with him. I even offered a 3some.

Anyway, he keeps looking at it every time I'm not around. So I have freaked out on him twice and told him that it really bothers me. He promised to stop the first time, he didn't. He swore he would stop the second time, he didn't. And yesterday I found out he is STILL doing it ALL the time...this time I decided to take a different approach.Instead of freaking out,I cut him.
If he wants to look at porn by himself, then that is what he can do. But he can't do that and me at the same time.
He knows I'm mad at him for something, just because I wouldn't let him touch me last night.
Now, what I want to know is, am I taking the right approach? What should I do? I've invested a lot into this relationship, so I don't want to break up. But, I don't want to be lied to and I want him to respect my feelings

Answer 1

I think you have got the right approach. Had I been a girl and in your position, I would have done the same thing.
You go.

PS The thing about watching it with him, making it with him, threesome: Any real guy would have taken that offer. I know I would have.

Answer 2

I hate to tell you, but he'll always look at porn. Threatening him by turning off the sex in your relationship is not a good way to solve a problem. The fact is, no matter how good the sex in a relationship is, a guy will always also spend time "by himself." No getting around it. You can have sex with him 2, 3 times a day, he'll still sometimes just prefer to take care of himself. And, since guys are more visual than women, that's going to most likely involve porn. It's the way guys are wired, and it's not going to change.

Trying to use sex as a threat in the relationship is just going to cause more problems than it's going to solve. First off, I'm going to assume that you're going to miss the sex just as much as he is. Second, it's simply not a healthy way to deal with issues. Ask him why he looks at porn, what type of porn he likes, if there's anything in that porn that he'd want to do with you. It's possible that he may have some fetish that you're unaware of. However, it's more likely that he just would sometimes rather play with himself than have sex. And, if he's doing that, porn will be part of the equation.

Answer 3

I don't think he is going to just stop looking at Porn because you ask.

It really isn't a reflection of his relationship with you. It is probably something that helps fulfill some fantasy he has and he likes to do it by himself because there is no judgement.

Sit down and have an actual conversation - no yelling, screaming or threatening - and tell him exactly what you told all of us "I've invested a lot into this relationship, so I don't want to break up. But, I don't want to be lied to and I want him to respect my feelings" Maybe he will tell you why he does it.

But don't expect him to change...and if this is something you don't want in your life, you may have to make the choice of moving on

Answer 4

Listen mama nothing is wrong with porn and I have four brothers a boyfriend of 6 years and many many cousins and they all are porn freaks they watch together alone whatever, they have so many DVD's it is not funny they have favorite scene and everythin, I use to hate seeing porn and i would always argue with my honey about his addiction to porn I thought he was a potiential freak sex addict something but one day I was watching it with him and I realized why do I really care what he is watching so what he likes to see these nasty hoes doing some oh nasty things! I was jealous because I though he maybe wanted to **** these hoes or something, I wasted to so much engery into what he was doing I finally gave up and I would come downstairs in the middle of the night and he would be watching some porn, I just said boy you really have a problem, but eventually(maybe 3-4 years) he stop, I think that it is something men alot of men go through they are curious I guess they are learning something I am not sure but all you have to do is stop worrying about what he is doing do not try to stop him and do not try to control him let him bee! And this is not about you so stop saying respect me, he is doing this for his own good nothing to do with you, this is my advice I know it is hard but you have to put it out of your head because just about 93 percent of men are or were porn freaks in there life! Please don't make it about you jut tell him you don't appreciate him watch all that porn and he got you right there,and one more thing girl forget that threesome thing that is not a good idea!

Answer 5

You have invested way to much into something that has turned out to be NOTHING, ZERO!!!!. This guy neither loves or respects you. He will NOT stop, he addicted and its almost as bad as drugs. He will NOT stop .You offered to do a 3some???? Why???? Why drag yourself into his poop pit? You have to respect yourself. get away from this sick SOB and move on.
Cut your losses. I'm sure you think I'm being mean, but I have seen a lot of this, girls marry guys like this, have kids and the guy continues to watch porn, and it eventually affects your kids. Run , run as fast as you can away from this guy. He loves his porn more than he loves you. He is NOT willing or wanting to give it up. I'm sorry, you are probably a beautiful, person and he does NOT appreciate you.

Answer 6

I'm afraid majority of guys watch/look at porn as if they can't get enough. Your fighting a no win battle and I suggest you not let it get to you too much.

He should have a bit more respect for your feelings though or he may still be a boy and not a man then what do you expect.
Porn cannot be erased from humanity and you will have to put up with a boy or you can get yourself a real man who will respect women.

Answer 7

I totally understand how you are feeling. Let me put it to you this way..... if that is something you do not like and he is not respecting your feelings then you need to make up your mind as to what you want to do. He, obviously, is not going to change. So either you put up with it, or you go elsewhere. If you ask me, I would go elsewhere. I had that problem with my x-husband for many years. Eventually watching the porn was just not enough. When they watch porn so much, believe me, they start viewing other females as sex objects. My ex also started going to strip clubs after that, for more times than I care to know. Eventually, he began cheating on me. We were married for 24 years, yes 24. I put so much into this relationship, it wasn't even funny. Now that we have broken up, I realize how much I put up with this man. And I wouldn't leave for the thought of throwing so many years down the drain. Then I woke up, picked up my dignity and kicked his *** out. He's now living with another woman. I tell you this, because if you feel like this is something that is going to put a damper on your relationship, you need to think carefully if you want to put up with this mess for the rest of your life. The man is not respecting you. He has a problem, is he willing to get help for it?

I wish you lots of luck and I hope all turns out well for you.

Answer 8

What you see now is what you get for the future. Imagine being married to him, with children, and instead of you catching him its your 6 year old daughter that walks in and finds him viewing porn and masturbating. If he has promised you he would stop and hasn't then he is addicted to it.

You even offered a threesome...how degrading. I would dump his butt and get the hell away from him. You have lost your self respect and your boyfriend is the cause. I guess if you are desperate for companionship you can stay.

But look in the mirror, look deeply, do you like what you see when you think how you have lowered your expectations and moral values for him?

Answer 9

I dont think you can have it both ways,as far as not wanting to break up with him,,or him respecting your feelings. Looks like to me he has made his mind up and rather not care how you feel about the situation,,as long as hes doing what he wants. If it bothers you soo much than you either have to deal with,,it because hes not going to stop for you,,,or you have to break up with him. Im sure there are alot of men who look at porn every chance they get. My man is soooo visual...sometimes is makes me mad too...but hes living with me and not out cheating on me,,so i try and compomise. You need to make up your mind how you want to deal with it. You would know better what to do then us. good luck

Answer 10

Unfortunately certain men are driven by porn. It creates the impression that they can not function sexually if the do not watch porn. You have to feel sorry for these kind of guys that need pictures to get them going instead of the nice babe that he has got as a girlfriend