2006-09-23 22:29:19 · 4 answers · asked by in doubt 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
We had some problems before but we talked about it and agreed to work with our relationship again. We are taking steps to fix it again but the problem is, I can't take the past out of my head and it just keeps coming back.
2006-09-23 23:19:25 · update #1
You must forget the past if you want to work this out. If you keep harping on it and she isn't doing anything you will soon find that what you fear most will be what you have pushed her to.
Affairs don't "JUST HAPPEN". There are problems long before that desperate step is taken. Give it time. This is a deep wound and will take a long time to heal. A scar will always remain.
2006-09-24 01:22:42 · answer #1 · answered by GrnApl 6 · 2⤊ 0⤋
You love her enough to continue the relationship.
But the relationship is changing. You're both different people now, even if you are the same. Experience has dealt your world a blow. There was a time when you admired this woman. You couldn't get her out of your mind, and you made such efforts to gain her attentions. There was a place in your life that only she could fill. You knew she was a person worthy of yourself. So, you are going to have to let this wound heal. Give her some space. Say hi to her in the laundry room. Ask her if there is anything she needs you to do...(change the lightbulb in the kitchen, check out the oil in the car....) Focus on the things that make your lives less pressured so that she can relax and feel secure in her own home. Make friends with her. Let her talk to you and try to pick up on where she is hurt. If she can confide in you about this then you are winning her trust. Show her that you are someone worthy of her trust and respect. As she begins to remember why you were the most wonderful man she ever met, build a friendship that you can fall back on when love isn't everything. That friend will be the ebb and flow of love in your life. Love, honor and cherish her and she will do the same for you. PS I commend you on your strength for being able to put yourself out there and not simply react with vengence. Your love for her is obvious and eventually she should respond to that.
2006-09-23 22:46:02 · answer #2 · answered by Sunbaby 4 · 4⤊ 0⤋
You need to know why she attempted to cheat. Perhaps you are letting her down on your end of the marriage. Communicate. Talk and learn from the answers she gives you. It takes a lot of love to come thru something like that. She is probably hurting about it as much as you are. What is missing at home that she would need to find elsewhere is the biggest question. People make mistakes and they are sorry for them. Trust is something fragile and precious....am not sure you will ever be back to the level you were before but you can rebuild if there is honesty and love in the relationship.
2006-09-23 22:47:20 · answer #3 · answered by kolacat17 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I'm not certain what attempted cheating is. The car broke down on the way to the No Tell Motel? Her stud couldn't get it up? Cheating harms any marriage. ALWAYS. The worst thing about cheating is that once it happens, it is no longer an impossibility. Even IF no physical contact ever happens. It will take work, and a lot of years before this can ever be in the past. Good luck, you need it.
2006-09-24 00:32:43 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
RE:
How do I learn to trust my wife again after an attempted cheating?
2015-08-04 04:45:01 · answer #5 · answered by Berry 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
An "attempted cheating"? Does that mean you caught her BEFORE she cheated......are you absolutely sure? This might not be the first time. It's hard to ever trust again after that. It will take time....it should take a long time before you trust her again. Most married women put a lot of thought into it before they have an affair & take such a risky chance....especially if they don't plan on leaving their husband.
If she did cheat, she probably will again.
2006-09-24 00:22:54 · answer #6 · answered by lisakay_tx 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
It's going to take time. Trust is broken in your relationship and it's going to take time to regain that trust back. How much time it takes depends on the person. Some take months, others yrs but realize that u may never fully get the trust back up to 100% and this is why it's so important for both partners to be faithful to each other because once trust is broken, the relationship will always be tainted.
Just remember that if u want to stay in this marriage, u both have to put in 100% to making it work and your wife has to do extra work to help u regain that trust back.
2006-09-23 22:44:12 · answer #7 · answered by cheetah7 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Women usually do not cheat unless there is a problem in the relationship. Since you said that you are working on the problems then the odds of her attempting to cheat again are slim. If you love her, then put this behind you...it was a cry for help to you, my friend. Good news is that you heard her and you're willing to do your part to fix the marriage. You used the term "attempted"...I am assuming she did not follow thru on it? If she didn't, then odds are she did use this to get your attention to work on the marriage. Please, let it go. You can't fix what's wrong if you don't.
2006-09-24 01:09:43 · answer #8 · answered by auntcookie84 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
First,I believe you have to make the decision that you really want to. Then the rest will be in how much effort you put in to accepting the fact it happened and then slowing moving on. You really got to want tooooooo. Sorry. It sounds simple but it's probably going to be the hardest thing you ever have to do. The hardest would be learning to trust again after an actual cheating. It's only taken me 23 years to do it. It ain't been easy...Good luck
2006-09-23 22:40:01 · answer #9 · answered by Kathleen L 2 · 2⤊ 0⤋
A great way to get your ex back is https://tr.im/QL08J
They might realize they need you and come crawling back!
If you do get back together, don't let the same issues that destroyed your relationship crop up again.
Have a good, long talk about how you're both going to make it right this time.
2015-02-26 21:26:17 · answer #10 · answered by Christiana 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋