She just called me today and told me. She already has a little boy that is one year old. She is all happy and excited, when she has to borrow money from her mother to help support her first child. They just bought a house (don't ask how her boyfriend got the loan) and they aren't even going to be able to afford that!!! I just need some advice on a tactful way to tell her how I feel. She is very sensitive when she thinks someone is trying to tell her what to do, even when they aren't. So please how do I tell her what a huge responsibility this is going to be?
2006-09-23 19:31:28 · 21 answers · asked by wentdownkickin 2 in Pregnancy & Parenting ➔ Pregnancy
It is my concern because I am going to be moving into their house and she is my best friend right now. I agree what's done is done.......but I hate to see her throw her life away...I just think that she needs to get her priorities straight before this child comes. It may be none of my business but every single friend I have has had a baby and had a hard time, but 2? That is seriously going to be rough. I also need to tell her that I am not going to be a live in babysitter. AAAHHHH I am just soo frustrated!!!!
2006-09-23 19:43:34 · update #1
I am 19 and I don't have any children.
2006-09-23 19:45:32 · update #2
Tell her that condoms are only a few dollars.
2006-09-23 19:33:20 · answer #1 · answered by Wai 5 · 3⤊ 1⤋
Honestly? If she already has a 1yr old she knows what kind of responsibility its going to be. I know at the age of 17 i was stubborn and defensive too. It sounds like she wants the baby and that abortion or adoption isnt an option. Right? So all there is to do is to support her. Let her know by telling her--"sweety, after this child, dont have anymore until you finish college so you can provide a financialy stable home for your children." OR while shes pregnant she can go to a community college to get like a phlebotomy, medical assistant certification so she can fall back on if things get too rough. THEN go to college. Im 30 with a 3 yr. old and im just going back to school. good luck be patient and understanding
2006-09-23 19:39:02 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 1⤋
How about you try this:
Instead of focusing on that she has a son, and a baby on the way, sit with her and talk to her about her finances and the responsibilities of her as a parent. Don't act like she shouldn't have another child, that might cause more harm than good, including her to be depressed about the pregnancy, etc. Encourage her to go to school, she can take online courses, that way she can stay at home with the kiddies if thats what she wants. Then if she does go to school, maybe she could get a good paying job to support herself and her children. Not to mention the boyfriend, he needs to be supporting her and his kids, they are practically married if they are living together with two children.
The key is to make it like it is her idea, you have to trick her into thinking that she thought of whatever it is you tell her 'to do'. Especially since she is sensitive about people 'telling' her what to do. Although, that seems to be what she needs, she is after all only 17...
2006-09-23 19:45:32 · answer #3 · answered by Sarifynna 2 · 1⤊ 1⤋
Let her find out on her own.
You will be steping on some sensitivity that can easily go sour. Unless you are prepared for that, I suggest you let them make their own choices, follow through and see if they made a "mistake" or not. You giving your feelings into it might not do any good as I have went through that with my ex best friend. (as you noticed, I said ex best friend) as the more I told her how I felt, the more she blamed me as being an "unsupportive" friend. Even though, both kids she didn't know the daddy of and kept cheating. I kept giving her support and then realized, enough is enough. I am not her oppurator she can call to complain to when she isn't doing anything about it. Sometimes you have to let them fall to notice it.
If she asks you for money or "cries" on your shoulder with continuing her choices this way, just honestly tell her that she overloaded herself too young and only her self to blame for the position she is in. Then not allow her to "cry" on your shoulder of "whoas me" since she made her bed and now she must sleep in it.
You can aks her how she feels about all this responsibility at 17 and sort of mix in your feelings of how it is going to be hard. But pretty much anything else it seems she will take offence. If she is on her second kid at 17, "buying" a house and very sensetive at that, it seems she didn't take anyone else's advice. Which I imagine she was given by others.
You don't need to tell her you won't be her built in babysitter. You have that choice when the time comes. If she wants you to watch the kids for a little bit once in awhile. I guess that is alright. Given granted she pays you as she should pay any other babysitter. But if you noticed it is alot, you have the right to say you are not available. You don't need a reason to explain to her. It is up to her to find one.
As far as you moving in, pretty much you know the situation ahead of time and it is your own doing if you move in a situation where you know it will be hard for her. She might look for you for support when it gets rough for her. Are you ready to handle her seeking your help with the mind frame you have about it?
You said "They aren't even going to be able to afford that!". Then how come you moving in there knowing there is a possibility that they won't make it? Unless you are moving in for that reason so they can.
2006-09-23 19:45:35 · answer #4 · answered by Mutchkin 6 · 0⤊ 1⤋
You have to just tell her.
At an appropriate time, like alone in her house or something.
You guys are family, and obviously close. You should be able to say ANYTHING to one another, and know that even if one of you gets mad, you will always be family.
That's how it is with my family.
Just don't be angry or judgemental when confronting her. And let her know that you are supporting her, no matter what happens now or in the future. But you have strong feelings, and love her enough to tell her.
Emphasize your caring feelings for her. So she feels protected, and allowed to show her feelings also.
This is such a sensitive thing for her to be hearing. But it is imperative that she know your feelings, if you are to be close.
I hope my advice helps you. Practise what you want to say, it may help. Good Luck with your cousin!
2006-09-23 19:44:45 · answer #5 · answered by Nikki 6 · 0⤊ 1⤋
You are in a very bad situation. I suggest you tell her that she should prepare herself because having 2 kids is different from having one. She doesn't sound like a normal person to me. You can't be 17 & get excited about having a baby, le alone 2! There isn't much you can do there, maybe leave that to her parents?
Support her when she needs that.
2006-09-23 20:02:08 · answer #6 · answered by Sofia 4 · 0⤊ 1⤋
If you value her relationship with her---stay out of it. God will take care of it. If he takes you to it he will bring you thru it. Let them do the worrying. Be a friend and tell her just to be careful and not have anymore soon enjoy these two there is plenty of time to have others if she decides to later. you do not say if you have children--but if you do and you have had a difficult time just tell her you do not want her to go thru that. If another family member has gone thru it say look at so and so's ---I just do not want you to live like that because I so love you. But all aside be there for her and support her with love not the behind the back crap.
2006-09-23 19:41:46 · answer #7 · answered by craftylady 2 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Yea...Sarah is right...is that any alternative option you have to not to live together with her...unless you are ready to assist them whole heartedly with everything.
I like too how other analyze the situation...yea...she just need to know what children will behave when they grow up from a financially unstable/inferior family.
2006-09-24 00:23:10 · answer #8 · answered by Pete 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
All of that is none of your employer! he had to love in some unspecified time interior the destiny to make certain that him to marry her! actual you're purely speculating on the whole situation! what variety of life must you be waiting to maintain up with human beings employer ?
2016-10-17 21:05:45 · answer #9 · answered by ? 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Do it face to face for one thing. sit her down....and start off by saying that you are not trying to INTRUDE or be BOSSY, just that you do not feel that she realizes what a huge responsibility it is going to be ( and whatever else you have to say) Also, let her know that you are only doing this because you care and are concered about her. Although...if SHE freaks out and goes Ballistic....you still need to keep your cool.
PS....you m,ight want to remind her about birth control for next time
2006-09-23 19:34:38 · answer #10 · answered by getriiiight 2 · 1⤊ 1⤋
sometimes the best policy is to keep your mouth shut. this is a good time. with 2 kids, she will learn, first hand, what a responsib ility she has brought upon herself. there is nothing that you can do. just dont ruin your future like she has.
2006-09-23 19:39:39 · answer #11 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋