A wifes affair - adult answers please.?

Question

My wife had an affair for about a year - we have since worked things out via talking and therapy.
For some reason, I cant get the idea of that "other guy" kissing her, and being inside her.
For me - its developed into a "need to know" everything about the other guy. What it was like, what he did, what she liked with him...his size...that kind of thing.
I hate to admit - its almost a turn on for me!
She does not seem to mind talking about the things they did -
My question is -
Do you think its better for me "not to know" all the details?
Do other guys find excitement in hearing about all the sordid details about an affair?
For the women - if you cheated - did YOUR husband want the details??
THanks.

Answer 1

It really depends on YOU as to how much of the details of the affair you feel you still NEED to know, as like you said, you still can't get the idea of her being with somebody else up to this point of your marriage.
And since you've already agreed to work things out, though it'll be hard to put back as much trust right away, you should be sincere and vocal when you're not comfortable with her opening up. Maybe she assumes it's OK with you because you always seems to listen and act as if you don't really mind. Communication is very important in a marriage so do let her know what your real feelings are and I'm sure she'll understand.
Just the same, it would still be best to leave the past behind. You must have already know ENOUGH. Just focus on what's present because that's what matter most. =)

Answer 2

You want mature responses? What you are doing isn't mature and is rather careless, barging in on someones relationship and being upset because the man your kickin it with only wants the sex, not too bright!!!why would you assume this man is gonna give out more to you than sex when he's only doing this becuz things aren't going well with his wife. If your up for drama then stay with the embecile, if you have any sense at all LEAVE!!! It doesn't take someone mature to say that!!! The question is how old are you and much maturity do you have.

Answer 3

I feel for you man, I really do.
And as weird as it sounds, I understand the whole "almost a turn on" thing too...although I discovered later that it wasn't as much of a turn on as it was fodder for my jealousy and anger, and ultimately it fed my need to reassert myself as the "dominant female" (in this case) and take over, perform, be more sexual that the "other" woman. At first I lavished attention on my mate...but then I realized the reason I was doing it, and the anger returned. I felt like I was "making up" for something, and the only way I could do that was to hear all the grisly details-to make sure I was "better". Then I realized that the problem didn't start with me.

Answer 4

You're a perv. But that's okay, I will reserve judgment.

If I was you(se) I would be very careful about how much you enjoy hearing about her affair. She may get the idea that you CONDONE that sort of activity, and maybe even do it again.
Sometimes it is better not to know because it will fuel your paranoia of what she maybe doing when she's not around. What if you happen to find out that she is screwing around with someone whom you may view as substandard or inferior to yourself. Talk about self esteem issues on order for you.

Cheating on ones vows is never a good thing. I mean, she could have at least let you know she wasn't happy with you and ended the marriage before 'getting it elsewhere'.

Answer 5

I have never cheated on my husband and I value my marraige. I was cheated on by my x-husband. I think you have some serious issues if your wife is having no problems talking about the things she did. I would think that if she cared about you, then she wouldn't rub this in your face. Only you would know whether or not you would want to know the details. I hope that you work out this problem

Answer 6

sorry to hear about this, but its a tough situation. since you decided to work things out, you should have the right to know everything and every detail. I don't think she'll like that, though. the question you should really be dealing with is why she cheated in the first place. once a cheater, always a cheater. keep an eye on her, and i really do hope it works out.

Answer 7

Yea my wife cheated on me with my best friend. Like you since then we decided to work it out. I lost a friend but our marriage is so much stronger now than what it was then. It is natural to want to know so you can see in your mind what happened between them. the reason it is like a turn on for you is because you see it like a porn movie. I see it all the time and wished I didn't know all the details. Size does not matter she will never tell you who was bigger or better she doesn't want to hurt your feelings. when she gets mad she may say something. You will never know the whole truth no matter how hard you search. Do yourself a favor and forget about wanting to know. It may be a turn on to imagine what happened but as time goes on it will haunt you.

Answer 8

I have never cheated, but I think it would be better Not to know the details. Her betrayal of your trust must have been a blow to your ego anyway...why would you want to further that damage by lumping on details about him that might make you feel inadequate in some way. Remember - once a cheater always a cheater.

Answer 9

I know where your coming from. My wife of 30yrs. admited to me that she had a fling with 2 guys several years ago. It ate away at me for 3yrs. I had the same thoughts as you. I wanted the details and got them. We are no longer together as this ate away at me so bad. You do not want to know the details. If your wife is remorseful, fine. If she did this to be vengful or vindicitave,get out of the relationship unless you are prepared to suffer for many years. If you are to spend 3yrs. getting over this just think, you could be well over her in this amount of time.

Answer 10

I was the same way, but when I found out with my first girl, I dumped her because my philosophy is is that there are over 6 billion people in the world and half are women, there's always another one.
but the second time it happened, I actually did get turned on because I knew it and encouraged it. I enjoyed watching them when I could. It turned me on watching it go in and out as I watched from another room, the guy did not know I was there but she did, and it made her cream all the more.