why is my wife a slob?

Question

i work 60 hours a week i have my own remodeling bussniess that i work 20 hours a week i mow the yard i wash the cars i change diapers i clean the house and i have to do my laundry i come home for lunch she gives me a sandwitch she sits all day on her *** watching soaps i come home and she cant get rid of my son fast enough i mean she is lazy we been having proboblems with this since about a month after we got married i about punched her tonight i have had i dont think my son should be around this kind of enviroment what do i do

Answer 1

First I would stop doing all the things around the house by yourself. It's enough that you have to work 60 hours a week, you don't need to be coming home and working another 60 alone.

Sit down and talk with her and express your feelings, honestly and without accusations. Let her do the same and you both need to be sure to listen to each other. I don't mean sit there and argue, I mean sit there and talk. Don't be looking for someone to blame for this, look for a way to work through it.

Once you have done that, then the two of you need to do things together. Both of you get out there and wash a car. Have fun with it, squirt each other with the water, who really cares if the car gets that clean, the thing is you are doing something together and enjoying each other's company.

I would almost bet that before you got married the two of you did things together all the time. You enjoyed each other's company no matter what it was you were doing. It wasn't what you were doing or where you were doing it, it was about being together. You need to start that again. Be together, learn to enjoy each other's company again. Learn to build your love for each other and while doing that, all the other chores will find a way to get done without either one of you having to do all the work.

Good luck to both of you.

Answer 2

Wow...What a bummer.! ! Ya know my best friends a slob, I never really could understand people like that. But they're out there. I think I'd start by of course confronting her with the problem, which I'm sure you've already done. Maybe some kind of reward system. Like if you clean the house today, I'll let you live. Just kidding.....Are her parents slobs? Does she have siblings that are the same? It has to come from somewhere.
Maybe you could get her to hook up with a parenting class. I certainly wouldn't work my butt off to have my significant other not take care of their half the load. Make her work for awhile and you stay home and show her how it's done. One more thing...Is she depressed....? Did she just have a kid? These could be factors if she wasn't always like this. I'm sure things will work out if you love each other. You just have to meet each other half way...
Good luck my man.! ! ! !

Answer 3

first thing is please don't hit her though right now you feel this is what she deserves and I would almost agree with you but violence is never the solution and if you are a decent guy which you seem to be then you would feel horrible afterward and you wouldn't have solved anything

since we cleared that up, you need to be very very clear with her of what her responsibilies are in life. Your roles, though they are very time consuming and all work related are in a sense easier defined for you, then perhaps her roles are.

ask her how she is feeling and really listen. I know that some of my lazyest days are when I don't have to go to work or school and I have a minor prject to do and I wait until the very last minute to do it because I didn't define for myself when and how I was going to go about doing it

my point is that maybe she is struggling with you as well because of your long hours and insistence on washing the cars all the time and doing all the things that you feel you NEED to do. maybe she just wants some time with you and your son? or maybe she wants to work outside the home? perhaps you simply need to ask her when you settle down and are not angry

I personally think that your attitude and mindset right now is identifiable and justifiable. Best I can say is communicate and come to an agreement... marriage is not easy but if you work at it Love Will Prevail

Answer 4

She needs a job other than housework. Tell her to put in an application at walmart or somewhere. Give her something to complain about. It's really no fun to sit at home, watch soaps and take care of kids. This is one of the most depressing things a woman can do. We need something besides looking at four walls and cleaning our own house. No wonder she is sitting down on you. She feels like she don't bring in any money. I wouldn't give her any spending money either. I'd tell her if she wants spending money she needs to get a job. Tell her to straighten up that you are tired of carrying the whole burden by yourself.

Answer 5

Try to make a deal with her. Yes, it's gross and you just want to yell "Grow up and clean up your disgusting mess!" but that will just start a big fight. I agree that living in a somewhat neat environment has many, many advantages and I can just imagine the frustration. So, try to make a deal with her. Say "We know we have the cleaning issue and I don't want to start a fight and accuse you. I'm sure there's something about me that you would like to change and I want to compromise. Having the house in order helps people who live in it feel better and more productive, and that's very important to me and I am asking you to keep cleaner for me. Now, to be fair to you and respect your wishes, what is important to you that I can change for you?" And do it. If she has nothing, tell her to figure something out because that's the only way this issue is going to be resolved and you are honestly pretty hurt that she won't clean her things up for your sake, when you are willing to do just about anything for her sake. If it starts a fight, stop the fight. Take a deep breath and walk away. Walk back. Refuse to make this a fight, and insist on speaking about this in a calm, civilized manner.

Answer 6

i'm betting you two fight all the time over this? and i also bet it's ruining how you feel about your wife.. i went through a stage once.. where i felt like doing absolutely nothing around the house..i just couldn't find the motivation to do it..i'd look around at the mess and think "what's the point no-one appreciates it anyway" an hour later the house would be just as messy.. i get that you work sooo hard to support your family and you probably feel like your not being recognised for that...but before your wife stopped doing her share around the house...was she being recognised??? do you praise her when she's done a great job keeping the house up and running?? maybe she needs that to keep herself motivated to please you. i really suggest that you get some outside help..other than us here on yahoo answers..you marriage is definately worth saving..you can fix this!!

Answer 7

I am sorry for what you are going throue.You work very hard and deserve a hot home cooked meal,clean house and clean clothes to wear.But you are wrong about punching her.It will only make things worst.Just talk to her,make her understand and alsow find out why is she doing that?Maybe she has her own reasons.

Answer 8

something is going on with her. she's probably depressed and or unhappy. You didnt marry a slob so theres something deeper than her being lazy. Go to therapy together. If you want your marriage to work, youll try anything. goodluck

Answer 9

drop it like it's hot!!!! or...... tell her how you feel and maybe she will feel bad about this behavior and she will change her ways. If it doesn't change don't resort to violence. It's not worth it and you don't need to be behind bars for someones bad habits.

Answer 10

Stop enabling her. The way she sees it, you're already doing all the work so why should she have to?