what do you do if you and your spouse can't seem to get along?

Question

My husband and I have been married for 15 yrs. we've known each other for 19.Into our 7th to 8th year of marriage we both started to become distant with each other.I fell into a depression at the time I didn't realize how down I really was until a mountain of problems began to arise.To make a very long story short we haven't been able to shake this downward spiral we've been on.It seems like everytime we try to get along something happens and we're right back to the same b.s.We've talked about divorce to many times to count and everytime we attempt to make plans to follow through we can't seem to do it.We have 5 kids and sometimes I think they're the reason we keep holding on.But as of lately things have become so stressfull between us that I can't take it anymore.Something has got to give or it's over I don't see any other way at this point.Anyway if anyone has any kind of advice I'd greatly appreciate it.

Answer 1

Try to communicate is it possible you and your spouse will be able to sit down and talk about issues, I would suggest that each of you and your spouse write 10 things down , that are issue in your relationship then each day take an hour to talk about one item from each others list and try to work out a compromise to resolve the issue. Never go to bed being mad or angry with one another try to remain respectful of each other feeling. if you both need to set boundaries and limits on your one hour meeting, that when things become to intense to take a brake and back off for a moment. I hope this was help full. If I can be of any more help my yahoo id is soulstore.

Answer 2

With 5 kids I am sure there is a huge Financial burden on the both of you. The fact that neither of you has ever followed thru with the "divorce" is an indication of that there is a remnant of affection that binds you together. Also, with that many children it is obvious that somewhere along the line you stopped being "friends and partners" and became solely "mommy & daddy". You need time alone together. If it is possible to send the kiddies to grandma's for the summer break then DO. Use that time to develop a friendship with your mate. Try to limit the convos about the kids and stick only to the both of you. Remember you are a couple as well as parents. You are both overwhelmed. Divorce is not the answer but the portal to a whole host of new difficulties. You need only read the many divorce questions here.

Answer 3

Suggestion!!!!
Take a break from him. Is there someone you can stay with for alittle while and let him see what it is like without you. Maybe if he was forced to see what life is like without you (cause he knows what it is like with you) then 1 of 2 things will happen. He will go and get a divorce or decided that you 2 have something worth fighting for. Your kids will adjust either way. Just keep them in touch with you and your husband through all of this. Do not put them in the middle of all of this. You could try it and see. You might find that it is better to pick up and move on.

Answer 4

start with a separation. you may find that you can't bear to live without one another and can seek counseling and a way to find you way back to each other it it may help you to realize that you are happier apart and that divorcing will be best with you. sit and talk about it and figure out how to tell the children together in a way they will understand. take small steps with everything there is no need to move quickly take the time you need. i have been separated from my husband of 14 years for over a year now and we have come to realize that this was the best bet for us but we have found a way to communicate and keep the kids as happy as possible in the midst of our separation. we let the kids know that it is our separation not theirs and that we both love them still even though we can no longer be together.

Answer 5

With 5 kids you both have a lot of stress in your life. What you are expieriencing is totally normal. A little break from each other will do you good. Try seperating for awhile. May i suggest that you each take turns with the kids. Let him look after them for a couple of months and then you. A good relationship requires work. Unfortunately with the kids you may not have that kind of time, but make it. Try everything possible to make it work. You won't be happier on your own. Good luck.

Answer 6

I'm sorry. You sound like you have a lot of pain going.
a) Check out with a psychiatrist about your depression. It is an increasingly treatable disease that strikes about 10% of Americans. Get a psychiatrist because they handle the mind meds - not a GP.
b) The two of you go in for marriage counseling. Great stuff. I'm a pro - 25 years in the field. When our marriage gets stressed my wife drags me in. I kick and scream every mile of the way and always come back better. And I'm the pro! Go fiture....and go get help. What you have is normal...what is better? It can be fixed.

Answer 7

Try marriage counseling that's a very long time to be together to just quit without giving it your all sometimes even the long marriages can not be saved but fight for your marriage before you walk away however if counseling doesn't help then go ahead and divorce no one needs to live unhappily

Answer 8

Maybe you guys should look into marriage counselling. You guys need to figure out why and what you guys are fighting about and find new ways to talk about these issues. Focus on one topic at a time. Ask him what it is that gets him upset...vise versa.. and make comprimises.
Sounds like you need a little flame back into your marriage.

Answer 9

Have you tried counseling? Sometimes a professional can help. If that doesn't work, it's better you both be single and happy than together and miserable. Happy people make better parents too!

Answer 10

I bought this book called 'The Power of a Praying Wife' by Stormie Omartian..... it'll solve all problems, because believe me, whatever problems y'all are going thru.... only the Lord can step in and help!