I want to cry, I feel like he doesn't want me, doesn't need me, doesn't care that *I* WANT intimacy with him more than once a month or so. Sex is astounding the seldom times it happens. He DOES INDEED work hard for our family, but he can take 10 extra minutes to soothe our 3yo to sleep, why can't he give me the same effort? I'm thinner than when we met, I still grab and kiss him and tell him how much I love him and how sexy I think he is. I get very little in return. He's a PERFECT HUSBAND AND FATHER in EVERY OTHER WAY. But he can't or won't compromise on intimacy. What can I do?
2006-09-23 17:37:16 · 31 answers · asked by xosm 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
I was watching a documentary once and it talked about how mens testoserone levels drop after they get married and it makes them less sexual then when they are single.I think husbands just get comfortbale and sex becomes more like a chore then a loving expression.I feel the same way you do.
2006-09-23 17:40:35 · answer #1 · answered by ? 1 · 4⤊ 0⤋
Is he having problems with depression? High blood pressure? Does he sleep soundly at night? Depression, high BP and sleep apnea can all lead to impetance or lack of desire in males. Ask him why he does not want to be intimate. Keep at him until you feel you have gotten the real answer. You could also try something new. Send your child to the babysitters for a weekend and surprise your husband with just a relaxed, do nothing weekend. Buy him a big boy toy. Don't pressure him to have sex, just relax together and catch up on "being friends." Maybe he feels that he dosent know you anymore. He is so busy providing for his family and taking care of things around the house that he is on auto pilot. Let him know that even though you really appreciate all his hard work, he does not have to be"superman" all the time. Often a little appreciation goes a long way.
2006-09-23 17:51:32 · answer #2 · answered by mama29 4 · 2⤊ 1⤋
I do not know any about your husband, or what his life is like, maybe it stress, has he always been this way ?or just recently? what happen when you try to talk to him about this matter, will he sit down with you and talk about how is truly feeling. Try to talk to him if he will not talk to him right away do not pressure him maybe it has nothing to do with you maybe he is just dealing with some thing he is not able to talk about or know how to talk about. Give it time and be patience, and occasionally tell him you love him and try to get him to talk about these matters, and if a year or more goes by then you may have to give him an alternative choice at that time. Well good luck and I will hope you both the best, if you and/ or your husband want to chat on line my yahoo ID is soulstore.
2006-09-23 18:06:38 · answer #3 · answered by soulstore 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I am a husband that prizes my intimate time with my wife. I'd love to have more sex, but life is busy (she doesn't turn me down). Most of my friends are very sexually active as well.
I have no idea where all these guys wives write about here come from. I've never heard of anything like this. It's astounding to me. Most of the time it's men complaining about their wives not being interested.
I've suggested this once before and I'm not sure it would go over well - perhaps confide in the wife of a couple you are friends with. Perhaps she will mention it to her husband - he can talk to your husband?
If he's not willing to talk about it with you, I'm not sure what you can otherwise do - except something shocking to get his attention.
2006-09-23 17:58:32 · answer #4 · answered by mrpeabody 3 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Okay, you have answers for health issues, depression, exhaustion, cheating( although this doesn't seem to be a threat from reading your description of him)
So, my suggestion is a compromise- which may end up in your favor. Tell him you want to snuggle more, hug more, hold hands etc- this may indeed lead up to your initial concern. Maybe he is feeling pressured into having sex- and we all know- that feels pretty crappy. Maybe he feels he can't perform to your description of "astounding" at the moment and is afraid of disappointing you- so he doesn't even try... Just a few things to throw into the pot... Good luck- I hope it works out for you.
Be thankful he's wonderful in every other way. :)
2006-09-23 18:02:23 · answer #5 · answered by rottymom02 5 · 1⤊ 1⤋
Everybody goes through phases like this, men and women, so don't just assume the worst. You will probably get a lot of responses that will say he is probably cheating on you. It could be LOTS of things. Work, being tired, stressed out, etc., or it could be a medical problem. Guys can go through that even at a young age (mid 20's). Just hang in there. It will get better over time....and get yourself a good set of "toys" in the meantime :)
2006-09-23 17:42:44 · answer #6 · answered by mjboog2 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
you need to talk to him and tell him how your feeling. He might not even know your feeling neglected. I'm sure his sex drive is low because of his job, the kids, and just marriage in general. If you have to make up dates night at least once a week. but definitely talk to him. Be calm about it don't give him ultimatums like telling him there are guys out there who would do it for him are anything that might give him the wrong ideas about you. Good Luck.
2006-09-23 17:48:15 · answer #7 · answered by happy_cute_mom 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I would sit down and tell him how this is affecting you.
Tell him you think he's the perfect husband and father,but you miss the intimacy.Maybe the two of you need some time alone
without the children, a date night .
He could be feeling the same way as you are.
2006-09-23 17:44:45 · answer #8 · answered by kandn 3 · 2⤊ 0⤋
It sounds like he is a good provider and takes care of your children. What more do you want from him? Quit reading Cosmo and watching sex and the city, if that show is still on. To be honest, he is probably miserable in the marriage and is just sticking around for the children's sake. There is nothing wrong with that; he is being a man about the bad luck he has, he goes to work in the morning and takes care of your kids despite the fact that he doesn't love you. I have the utmost respect for your husband tolerating you and still going through life. I will pray for him that he takes up golf or fishing; it will make the time go by quicker.
2006-09-23 17:45:22 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 3⤋
I'd ask him exactly what is his "priorities" then. If he's perfect in every other way, then he's probably one of those over-achievers. Tell him he's lacking in the bedroom department and if you don't start getting it from him, you are going to take those "bag boys" up on their offers. Tell him you are serious, and that this isn't what you signed up for. Tell him that it's more than just sex to you, it's a way to keep that emotional bond with him and that you need that as a woman. If he's great at everything else, maybe he'll be great at listening and taking the advice. I wish you luck honey.
2006-09-23 17:42:57 · answer #10 · answered by Hollynfaith 6 · 1⤊ 2⤋