see my last few questions.....If he keeps insisting on a girlfriend and us to be more "open" with our marriage,I will have to leave.I have no money gave up my good job to stay home with my baby,I have 2 kids in school.I cannot afford my home since we refinanced and got more money back...that we owe.Both autos are in his name...that I can't afford.We talked about refinancing again to pay of most of our debt(except autos) I think I should wait til then and make A huge withdrawl ..you know for a new nest egg.but then what? where to go? should it be far or close ?
2006-09-23 16:56:18 · 31 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
he wants a girlfriend for him and me to get a boyfiend
2006-09-23 17:02:29 · update #1
he does the finances and knows where everything goes.I owned the house 2 years before we got married but we've done alot of improvements and added on almost 1000 ft to it thats why we refinanced to build on to it and up grade.
2006-09-23 17:06:26 · update #2
I have 3 kids 2 from a previous marriage.he says I can't keep a man cause I'm not open to new things...are all guys like this?
2006-09-23 17:11:45 · update #3
no, no, no, we have never been open in our relationship, not dating, not engaged not married,never even dicussed it til after we were married.no,3somes,etc etc either
2006-09-23 17:28:58 · update #4
You need to end the relationship "sexually" since he wants to mess around and over time put money away and then leave. Your not doing your kids any favors by staying in a loveless unhappy marriage.
2006-09-23 16:59:50 · answer #1 · answered by bella 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
My dad always said a divorce is a nice thing if you can afford it. From what you wrote, you can't. And of course you are strapped over a barrel having two children, and no job. Sounds like a jerk. You could continue to live there, move into a spare bedroom, and stay until to get some $$ together. Always a mess when a guy does this to his wife, and she doesn't have an education to earn enough $$ to be self supporting. Your best option appears to just agree to live separate lives in the same house, until you can leave. During this time, see about getting a job, get back into school so you can have a career. Other women have done this --- you can too.
2006-09-24 00:02:51 · answer #2 · answered by April 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It sounds as though you have no marriage left. If he wants an 'open' relationship which includes a girlfriend, then he isn't paying much attention to the marriage vows he made.
But it doesn't make a lot of sense for you to sit around waiting until there is money in the bank so you can raid it for a nest egg. Your best course of action is to find a place on your own, apply for welfare, get legal counsel and file for divorce. You will get your share of whatever joint assets you have, and it will be easier all round if you stay somewhere fairly close -- within commuting distance -- because he will have visitation rights with your two children.
Right now you have to put the children's future first. Regardless of how you feel about him, he is their father and he hasn't done anything to indicate he doesn't love them or want them. So you have to build in the opportunity for him to see them.
It isn't going to be easy, but it doesn't sound as though you have any other options.
Good luck to you.
2006-09-24 00:05:05 · answer #3 · answered by old lady 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Your not obligated to your husbands demands for and open marriage.Dont wait for a refiniance to start a nest egg.My nest egg was in my mothers name in trust for me. You can opena trust account in any bank and list your children a benificiaries. You can perchuse US Savings Bonds and have them mail to work. You only have to wait 6 months to cash them in
Ge a Post Office box and staart rerouting your mail now. If he doesnt read the papers much publish that you are no longer responciable for any debt he incures. He needs your signature to refinance the house. Dont sign. See if your employer has a different branch you could work out of. Start now sneeking any papers like birth certificates out of the house and put them in a saftey deposit box. Check with friends and see if they will hold onto some items for you. Use space bags so you can leave small packages with them. Make it known to as many people as possible what he has asked you to do. This will help if you file for devorce. File on grounds no on unrecincyclable differences. Your intitled to one car from the marriage and the Judge will grant you access at a hearing eventhough its in his name.You are being subjectd to emotional battery. Go to your County and ask for an Adult Social worker and explain the problem. Forget about the House for now . Price and rental and the costs of first and last months rent and cost of setting up utilities. Formulate a budget so you and the Judge know how much money you nee each week from his salary. Make sure any finincial court agreement in cludes that the money should collected by Probation. They will take it right out of his check and send it to you.
If the expence for you moving out into a rental the Judge may awward you posession of the House. This is why the budget is important. The Judge can decide that its cheeper for you to stay in the house and have him move out.
write to me any time. Ive been there
2006-09-24 00:25:37 · answer #4 · answered by timex846 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Your husband has gone off the deep end. You lovingly and faithfully made the choice to stay at home and do what you have done, because you were doing it for your family.
He doesn't sound like any kind of 'family man' that I would respect. If I were you I would figure out a way to scrape together funds to begin your exodus. Get everything set up as best as you can, and then, when you are ready, then you can make your move. As long as you can do so freely without worrying about being caught or anything like that.
I wish you the best of luck with this. Do your best, but I think you need to get out and leave this man to the life he's making for himself. He does not have your interests in mind. He is thinking only of himself.
I'd love to find a woman like you, but I always get stuck with some screwbal that is more like your husband, or worse. At least I'm on my own tho, and I can enjoy peace, but I think that's what you have to do to....get on your own (with your kids of course), and do what you need to to make that happen.
2006-09-24 00:37:57 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
To answer one of your questions, a good guy would respect your feelings and respect your children. Talk to him again and if he feels the same tell him to leave you and the kids so you can start a new life for yourself. The house is legally yours so stay there and give your kids a chance. If he cant change in order to keep your marriage sacred then you don't need him, he will cheat on you eventually anyway if he is already looking for other women. I have been cheated on and lost everything its not easy and it no fun. Give yourself a chance and give yourself a new start, you deserve that and so does your kids.
2006-09-24 00:23:09 · answer #6 · answered by ncgirl 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
That's some hard stuff you're dealing with! My prayers go out to you..
Only one bit of advice - perhaps it'd be easier to stay near enough so that you can keep the same bank, Doctors (for you and the kids), friends, etc.... as having a small baby and trying to get all things in order can be very difficult (not to mention frustrating) with the lil' one around..
Then again, I don't know if your husband would be trying to charge you for taking the money (that you NO DOUBT DESERVE)!!! ..or if you'd be better as far from him as possible... Anyway, all the best of luck to you!!!
2006-09-24 00:01:26 · answer #7 · answered by seaofcolour 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Sweetie, you need to go ahead and leave him. I know it's a terrible alternative, but there are womens shelters and other places for you to go. If he's already in this mind set, he could be cheating. Cheating could mean diseases. Keep yourself safe and get out of there. If the children are his, file for child support NOW, it could take awhile to start getting it, that should help with your income problem for the now. If you're married, find out if you live in an alimony state, if so, start proceedings on that also. Seek out family and friends to be supportive. You might have someone to take you in for a short while until you get on your feet. Don't be tolerant of his behavior because he "owns" everything. If you allow that, you allow him to "own" you also. Keep your chin up hon, you can do this.
2006-09-24 00:06:47 · answer #8 · answered by andi b 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well you may not want to but Social Services can help you with housing and as far as the cars , if your married and seperate by law(in N.C.) he can only keep one and you will get the other..I know..And Social Services will give you foodstamps until you can get a good job and then you will still get them and also go for child support..there are ways if you really want to leave him...I wouldn't go to far away if he's a good dad then let him still have a relationship with he's kids..But do file for custody, but you will need a job..also Social Services can help with child care..
2006-09-24 00:06:17 · answer #9 · answered by Just Dreamin' 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
He's a jerk and he isn't going to change...He's already got you in debt, he has to provide with with wheels so take the good one. See a good accountant and then a lawyer and make him pay for it. Don't sign anything unless the accountant says so. He may take the money and run like my ex did and left me with 2 mortages to pay. He never paid child support either...claimed he was mentally ill...He's up to no good and it will only get worse...get away from this sicko...he's not the guy you thought he was.
2006-09-24 00:03:56 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋