There's something wrong with me, but i don't know how to fix it...?

Question

I'm 20, I'm a newly wed, been married for a lil over 3 months, hubby and I have been together over 3 years, and we've been "doing stuff" for over 2, I love him with all my heart and soul, but I have little to no desire when it comes to the bedroom. It's liking pulling teeth for him to get me in the mood, and honestly, I could go my entire lifetime without "it" ever from anyone, and obviously that right there shows there's something wrong with me. I know it's not him, it is me, he sweet, and tries real hard to be understanding, but i know he doesn't feel desired/love because of my bdrm problems

My libido (sp) is low to nonexistent, I know there's something wrong with me, but I want to know what, and I'd like to know how to fix it...Am open to any and all suggestions, just please don't be mean.

Answer 1

I suggest you go talk to your OB. You could have a chemical imbalance that is causing this. You want to married for a lifetime and your sexual life is something special between the two of you.

Good luck!

Answer 2

I think your sex drive can always fluctuate due to situations or things going on in your life you have little or no control over or especially stress. It could also be that you had your fun before you got married so much and now it's almost not as exciting or your just not as interested in it or have a hard time finding interest in it as much as you once did. Do something romantic. Have him give you a massage or a bath. I am a massage therapist and I love getting massages. It doesnt have to be sexual at all. Just a loving affectionate gesture that makes you feel appreciated. Maybe he just needs to take a different approach that will trigger your interest instead of the previous things he's been doing whatever they may be. That is between the two of you. Or maybe you need something more that you've never tried before. I'm not saying have a threesome or anything like that. Just try new things or find some books about it. Make it an adventure and something to look forward to rather than a chore. Why don't you try to excite him in a way you never have before even if you don't feel it yourself. You might suprise yourself. It could possibly mean you may need a vacation together to get away from whatever it is that is making you feel this way. If you've already tried all the suggestions I've made then go to a couples' counselor. I hope it works out and your marriage is strengthened. You need to talk to him about this if you haven't already. He needs to know. Good luck!

Answer 3

You just need some time and not worry about it. It's possible that you may be a little homesick or missing your single life, but that will change, also, it could be post "wedding blues" and now your thinking "is this all there is"?. I really believe that every new bride feels what you are - to some degree or other. Don't expect too much out of yourself at the moment or that you have to perform at the drop of a hat. Talk to your husband and try to explain that even tho' you love him - you are trying to work some things out for yourself in regards to your emotions. Try to relax and if need be talk to your Dr. Good luck and remember you are not the only one that has felt this way, but that it will change for the better and you will fall in love with your Husband all over again., & it will be better than ever.

Answer 4

So, you've been "doing stuff" for over 2 years correct? And during those 2 years was it also like "pulling teeth for him to get you in the mood?" Intimacy is not 2% and 98%. Both partners work together in this area to achieve sexual satisfaction. What can you also do to arouse or stimulate yourself. For example, what about a sexy lingeree outfit or maybe you could have a hot bath surrounded by candles before lovemaking. I don't think there is anything wrong with you---a strong possibility could be that you are just not physically attracted to the man you married.

Answer 5

Did anything happen to you sexually in your childhood? I used to be like that and I wondered what was wrong with me. But I had to work out a lot of issues with a sexual abuse counselor. Because of things that happened to me in my childhood with a sexually abusive stepfather, it was hard for me to be intimate or think about being close and seriously passionate with a guy. That may not be your case but you said that you were open to anything and I was just trying to be helpful. It took a lot of prayer on my part as well. Always consult the Creator. He made us so he knows what it takes to fix us. Some problems aren't made to be fixed by human beings. Only the Almighty God can work problems out of this magnitude. You say that you love this guy with all your heart and soul. Love is an action word. Maybe you are just in love with the idea of being in love. Maybe the euphoria of your relationship has passed of maybe you just love what this man can do for you. Only you know what's going on and it is time to get honest. Don't ruin someone else's life. You may have married for the wrong reason. Think about it really hard. You'll find out the reason why you can't make love. R U truly in love?

Answer 6

This could be a million different things. You have to start from somewhere, and that would be ruling out any physical ailments that this might be a symptom of. Go see your General Practitioner as well as your Gynecologist and have them both run some tests.
If those things are ruled out then you must explore what might be bothering you emotionally. Depression can cause a low to a non-existent libido, among many other things.
Go see your doctors asap...and get the help you need for yourself, for your husband and your marriage.

Answer 7

Sweetie, first of all, don't beat yourself up about it. This happens to more women than you think. More often than not it's because you don't feel sexy, and some women need the men to help in that area. If it's possible, try sitting him down and telling him things that he says or does that make you feel especially good about yourself, and if he points those things out more often and lets you know how valuable you are your desires will change. Women are turned on by the way we're treated, you might need to let him know that. Don't give up, all is not lost. You'll make it through this just fine. I've been through this myself, you need an esteem boost.

Answer 8

This is something that happens to both men and women in life. You are not alone. You need to remember that your husband loves you. I suggest talking to your family doctor, and see what he/she reccomends in the line of sex therapists. Don't go to one that isn't reputable or they will try putting you in a swingers group. A real sex therapist doesn't try to get you to have sex in their office or with other people. They will talk with you and try to find out what the hidde and underlaying problem really is.

Answer 9

i had the same problems. several things could cause it..but for me, i was depressed because things weren't going well for us. talk to someone...girlfriend, therapist, someone and lighten your heart a little. think about how you feel about yourself, there's nothing "wrong" with you.....maybe you just need a little adjustment to get back into the groove. write down on little notes: a few things that he does that turn you on, put them in something you know he will find. my husband works offshore and i leave notes for him in his bag for work. he finds them at work and he knows i'm thinking about him even though he's not here--when he is home, he'll lightly kiss me on the neck and remind me of what i wrote out of the blue....it feels good and it boosts my self esteem.

good luck.

Answer 10

I have never had this problem, but feel for you. Have known women who have this problem but don't have any understanding. Good luck is all I have to say. Girl, bless you! I am not trying to be mean I promise. Women usually go through their prime at about 30 so maybe in 10 years or so it'll be your time to fly. Good luck!