My wife started doing pot and cheating behind my back. She says the cheating has stopped (maybe I believe her?) But refuses to give up the pot... We have been married over 17 years and she only started doing pot in last 4 months same time as her cheating started. She was banging guys she was getting pot from.
She still wants to associate with one guy she was fooling with just as "friends" so she can get pot from him. I somewhat trust that she is not looking to cheat at the moment but I am afraid that this guy will prove to be to much of a temptation.
I am against drug use and she knows it but refuses to quit. She has even started growing it in places over the yard. I have killed some.
I am trying hard to make marriage work as we have a child together and I do still love her.
I have threatened to leave but she calls my bluff because she knows I do not want to.
Is this a hopeless situation? Any ideas on how to get her to stop doing pot?
2006-09-23 15:34:03 · 18 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
In answer to one thing yes I do think that some of this is "practicaly spitting in my face". She has literaly asked me why I do not leave her. I think maybe this was because she doubted me and my interest in her. Things had been sour for years with bitterness and anger on both parts. I am looking at this as a cry for help and for me to prove that I care. I think we have resolved a lot of the bedroom issues and anger that was there - now to get her to stop doing pot for two reasons, for our child(who she is the stay at home mom) And because we don't make much money and cannot aford the habit (so she in my opinion is likely to sleep with the guy supplying it to her to get it for free as she was before)
Child is disabled so leaving would be extra tough plus I think we made some progress and it is just the pot standing between us and a good marriage... Maybe
2006-09-23 15:47:15 · update #1
Oh, sweetie. She's going through a mid-life crisis! She's exploring things that she didn't experience while being married to you. Whether it's pot or other men, it means that she's trying to learn about parts of herself that she may have forgotten.
I read a study once that said that a large portion of married couples end up cheating at least once during their marriage.
The problem is that you can't trust her anymore. There's some underlying issue that hasn't been addressed yet. The cheating an the pot are merely symptoms. Getting both of you in to see a reputable marriage counselor would be beneficial. You can't come across as if she's the only one with a problem, or she wont be open-minded enough to allow any therapy to work. Once you two address whatever marital issues you two have, I'm sure things will work out.
2006-09-23 15:46:15 · answer #1 · answered by Chellebelle78 4 · 1⤊ 1⤋
She MAY have quit cheating? She wants to stay friends with her lover-pot dealer? She grows pot on your property???? Not sure how to start. ONE- Her growing pot on your property can cost you everything. Your home, car, furnishings, bank accounts. Everything. The cops take it all when you get caught growing pot. TWO A woman that chooses pot and lover over husband isn't worth worrying about. THREE Buddy, you need to remember your job. You are a parent. Being a husband is nice, but your duty is to your children. End the marital farce, and consentrate on taking care of your child. Your wife will be fine- stoned and screwed by low lifes.
2006-09-23 22:55:20 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
you have to tell her to go to rehab. she will refuse because she has gotten a taste of the other side. maybe divorce is the answer get custody it shouldn't be hard. don't stop her from seeing her child. you may come off as a weak man to her. guys who smoke pot act tough and cold as if nothing matters to them she may like that. but after 17years. she should be loving and respecting you. she needs a change. get a lawyer and go see a counsellor with or without her. good luck
2006-09-23 22:59:09 · answer #3 · answered by sexylousleo 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You will not be able to stop her... It is all up to her. Unless of course you have control of the phone, car, computer and all neighbors who have phones...ect. It is hopeless on your end and speaking from experience, you should NEVER stay together for the children. Your children should come first. A life with "clutter" and anger is not a life for a child.
2006-09-23 22:40:59 · answer #4 · answered by jasmine5674 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Search the web for 'narcotics anonymous'.Join a meeting they could be of a lot more help than I could.Think of your child's well being first.For real don't put up with it.It is not hopeless, but remember not to do for her what she could do herself.I doubt if she'll come clean until she hits rocks bottom.Good luck.
2006-09-23 22:44:56 · answer #5 · answered by nancy e 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I am so sorry this is happening to you.
I know you love her. As difficult as it may be, consider what kind of mother your wife is providing to your child. It is not just you that she is hurting.
Before you pull the plug, ask her to consider marriage counseling where you can get support in helping her see what is happening. If she won't go with you, go by yourself to get emotional support for you and your child.
If you can't afford counseling (or if it hasn't worked) , go to Al-Anon and get the help you need. Don't do this alone. You and your child deserve better.
2006-09-23 22:42:37 · answer #6 · answered by Buffy Summers 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
What kind of effect could this be having on your child. You have a responsibility to raise your child in the best possible surroundings. Give her an ultimatum and if that doesn't work. Take your child and get on with your life.
2006-09-23 22:43:33 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
As someone who was once involved with a pot head who continually promised to reform, I can tell you that, just like any other addiction, unless she wants to quit, she isn't going to. My boyfriend would say he was going to quit, then go to great lengths to hide it...I mean really ridiculous stuff, thinking that I wouldn't be able to tell that he was high.....and also about the cheating thing....thing happened to me also....he had more fun getting high with his fellow addicts than he had with me nagging at him about it, and he used that as an excuse to become involved with one of them....in the end he chose the pot over me........and I am much happier not to have to share my life and love with an addict. Good luck to you
2006-09-23 22:41:14 · answer #8 · answered by justwingit 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
o.k you need to wake the hell up . stand with your back to the wall take 10 steps forward thend turn ariund look down at your shoes then run forward as fast as you can get away while you have a little self respect for your self for gods sake man she is totally dogging you i had the same thing start with mine lasted uuummm 2 days now she is gone and very sorry and i can stil hold ny head high and look at myself in the mirror . give her the boot now
2006-09-23 22:41:53 · answer #9 · answered by k dog 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You certainly are a forgiving husband. She is daring you to do something about her actions, practically spitting in your face. No one gives up drugs for someone else. They have to want to do it on their own. I think that most men would move on and look for some happiness elsewhere and you should, too. She's not worth it.
2006-09-23 22:39:27 · answer #10 · answered by notyou311 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋