Him and his wife don't have a great relationship, but he says he still loves her, he just don't know if he loves her because of loyalty or because of the kids....but he is head over heals in love with his girlfriend...he hates it when he can't spend time with her, he thinks about her endlessly and they have the best sex either one of them have ever had...The problem is he doesn't know if he can leave his wife...20 years is something. But he is not happy. I do not know how to help him, any ideas?
2006-09-23 15:06:32 · 21 answers · asked by ~hopeless love~ 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
I should add a couple of things I guess, thier youngest is 17. Their relationship has been rocky for a few years....they tried the "swing" thing a few years ago and she fell in love with the guy she was seeing, but ended it eventually. But they've been having problems since then...
And obviously there is alot more to it, as with any situation....he is not perfect and niether is she. I don't think what he's doing is right, but as his best friend I also don't like to see him miserable or her either for that matter.
2006-09-23 15:37:15 · update #1
"Wanting" is always better than "having"......why don't you give your friend a reality check and ask him what he thinks will happen when his wife finds out...and she will find out....and by the way, what will happen to you when she finds out? Are you a friend of hers also? I assume that you are also lying to her, by omission. He is a liar...period....and my guess is that his girlfriend is a liar also...or is she introducing him around to her family and friends as her married lover? If you really want to help him, you can let him know that he is headed for a fall....a big one, and that he needs to be a man enough to choose his children over his adolescent need for a new lay...if he didn't have kids? I'd say let her have him....two selfish liars deserve each other.
2006-09-23 15:36:00 · answer #1 · answered by justwingit 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
What you should tell him is if he leaves his wife and gets together with this women, eventually they will get into the same everyday life issues as he has had with his wife for the last 20 yrs. Of course they are going to have good sex and think of her endlessly. They have no issues together besides getting together for fun and sex. They dont live together day in and day out and deal with paying bills and cleaning the house and laundry. What they have is an affair that brings those feelings. He is selfish and I hope his wife had someone on the side as well. She has stayed with him all this time and this is what she gets.
2006-09-23 15:15:39 · answer #2 · answered by JustMe 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Tell him to grow up. He is a father first, a husband swcond and an individual last. His wants and needs never come before the children if he is a man and dad. He needs to stop cheating on his wife, and if he wants the extras of the other relationship she should be willing to wait until his children are all grown and gone out of the house. Both the guy and the girl are disrespectful to all people involved here. One day they will tire of each other and they will both be alone again or moved on to the next person.
2006-09-23 15:21:57 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Remind him that it is a sin to commit adultery and that he will be burning in hell that is so wrong if he wants this whore he should divorce his wife and a whore is what she is for continuing an affair with a man that has been married that long just think of how devastated his wife would be if she found out because you know he is telling her he loves her and how they have the best sex that he thinks about his wife when he isn't with her.. He is a loser and maybe the slut deserves him
2006-09-23 15:21:43 · answer #4 · answered by Amy M 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Does the wife know? I would so divorce him. It is so direspectful to be married for that long and cheat and then think he even has the CHOICE to choose between her and the new GF still.
It should be up to the wife to decide, not him.
What an a**hole. If she doesn't know you should tell her. He is obviously a moron for wanting to choose the best sex over a woman he's loved and stayed with for 20 years.
2006-09-23 15:24:27 · answer #5 · answered by Magnuna 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I was married for 20 years until I found that my husband had a girlfriend for the last two of those years.
He got the girlfriend and was happy for a while. The kids and I had to move out of our family home and into a small rental. We had to give up our way of life and struggled to get by.
The girlfriend finally dumped my ex and he went through the pain and heartache he made the kids and me go through. It didn't make the pain any less for me.
Explain to your friend that everyone loses in a divorce except the lawyers.
2006-09-23 15:11:06 · answer #6 · answered by physandchemteach 7 · 3⤊ 0⤋
Remind him that loving someone is not the same as being inlove with someone. Obviously he has already made his choice (I mean having a girlfriend and all) and he just needs to complete what he started. Right now he is hurting his wife, his kids, his girlfriend and even his relationship with you (trust issues and you being placed in an ackward situation). He needs to own up to his reality.
2006-09-23 15:10:40 · answer #7 · answered by Christina D 2 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Sounds like a cakeman to me.
He needs to choose between the two - it isn't fair to either of them right now.
Relationships change over time and maybe they need to communciate about what's missing that he isn't getting at home.
After 20 years of marriage and saying he still loves her, he needs to do everything he can to fix the one he's with right now before moving on to door number 2.
2006-09-23 15:22:00 · answer #8 · answered by ingy 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well he has already betrayed his marriage. He might as well get ready for the court papers and be ready to divy up some $$$ every month for child support. Hope he has a good paying job. I hope the girlfriend is looking at this more closely because if he marrys her...what makes her think he wont betray her too? I swear...people are so stupid...
2006-09-23 15:12:27 · answer #9 · answered by Ashley R 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
There is nothing you can do to change his mind. He is just going to have to get caught up in his affair and maybe once the realization hits of what he's done to his wife and kids, only then will he change his behavior and realize there is more to life than sex and "feeling" happy.
2006-09-23 15:15:06 · answer #10 · answered by jenny 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋