I have never dated someone with a child and never wanted to before him, knowing the drama these situations can bring. He has a child with a woman that also has 2 other children by 2 other men. He grew attached to those children while they were together years ago. A year and a half into our relationship, we are discussing how we want our future to go. He wants to include the other 2 children that are not his, or at least spend time with them away from me. I welcome his daughter, but am antsy about 2 children that are not his. His ex has already used his child to hurt him and has vandalized his things. I fear she will use the other 2 also if he continues to develop a relationship with them and therefore I do not like it. We had to deal with her vandalizing his car while we were gone because he had the nerve to ask if his family could see his daughter. I feel that with him being involved with all her children will give her more ways to hurt him and disrupt our lives. Any advice?
2006-09-23 14:52:21 · 13 answers · asked by THICKUMS 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Other - Family & Relationships
You keep asking this question. Seems to me your looking for the answer that suits you. I don't believe you are ready for an instant family. You should think long and hard about your choices. If you stay w/him you need to accept his kids "all" of them. Because even though biologically they are not his. He still loves them. are YOU ready for this if not. You need to end your relationship. Because you will only end up hurting everyone. You him and the kids in the long run. Good luck the choice is yours not anyone elses to make.
2006-09-23 15:01:01 · answer #1 · answered by sabbycat76 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I find it admirable that he has taken in her other two children. On the other hand I understand your worries. Are the other two dads around? How old are the kids? how long has your boyfriend been in their lives? The only reason I ask is because I wonder if it would hurt the kids for your boyfriend to sever ties now.
Besides even if he did decide to have nothing with them, wouldn't he still see them when he was picking up his own kid? As for the Ex. She sounds crazy. She probably will cause problems for him for the rest of his life. But who cares he's with you. Get a restraining order.
I would love to find a guy that sounds half as good as yours. Like i said i admire him for what he has done. I think you should think twice before giving him up.
2006-09-23 22:04:28 · answer #2 · answered by jelly 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Looking on the good side, what a wonderful man he is to be a father figure to two children that do not have one. I think it would be wrong of you to ask him to not have anything to do with two kids who sees him as their father. If this is something you do not want to deal with you should leave this relationship and seek one where the guy doesn't have any children.
Good luck!
2006-09-23 21:57:20 · answer #3 · answered by Raspberry 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
This is a sticky situation. If your boyfriend's ex has been harrassing him over the children, I would consider that a big red flag. He needs to sort out his relationship with his ex and the kids before he commits to you. Do you really want to deal with someone whose past keeps coming back to haunt him?
2006-09-23 21:56:31 · answer #4 · answered by Blue Jean 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
if u break up with him u will be giving her exsctly what she wants be glad that you have a man that wants to include those other children whenever he can i was in the same situation and six years and two children later we are still going strong and she has become a deadbeat mom so if you trully love this man then you need to learn to deal with his baggage because everybody comes with some sort of baggage attached and if you trully want to be happy then you need to learn to deal with this believe mem it will get better
2006-09-23 22:00:21 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
If your man thinks of these other children as his, then you need to be supportive. The ex already has a way to hurt him - which is his daughter. Him loving her other 2 kids doesn't give her more leverage because she already has the leverage - his biological daughter.
2006-09-23 21:55:33 · answer #6 · answered by Rawrrrr 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think that you need to find a guy with no kids, sweetie!!! I would include all the kids....it is the mature and right thing to do. Get out of the mess......you are not mature enough to handle this situation and want to punish innocent children! Shame, shame!
2006-09-23 21:56:40 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
You have to face the fact that this man came with "baggage", either you accept ALL of the baggage or discontinue the relationship with him. You do not have the right to expect him to give up those he is tied to emotionally. I suggest you stick to your original plan and not date men with children or previous lives.
2006-09-23 22:15:20 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
He needs to get a lawyer and quick........she needs to be forced by the courts not to do these things or go to jail...he also needs to get parental rights if he doesn't have them already....as far as the other 2 kids?.......I'd say if he wants to include them then he can do it with you.....not away from you....
2006-09-23 21:56:07 · answer #9 · answered by beccam1962 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
TELL HIM HOW YOU FEEL. AND SEE HOW IT GOES FROM THERE. BECASUE IF I WERE YOU I WOULDNT WANT TO DEAL WITH THAT BUT THATS ME..
GOOD LUCK
2006-09-23 22:02:25 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋