I have been married for 13 years .. sex life is pretty much nonexistant... I find myself fantasizing about women that are 36-48 that take good care of themselves.. I never have any particular woman in mind it is the idea of a skilled woman... you know what I mean... Do any of you in a similar situation think like I do? when things do not go well with you and your mate do you consider other people especially those who you believe are "highly skilled"?
2006-09-23 14:42:48 · 24 answers · asked by 57chevy 3 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
It really sounds as if your marriage is leaving you very lonely. That is a very tragic scenario. I feel you should both have a very open and TRUTHFUL 'skilled' conversation.
2006-09-23 14:49:23 · answer #1 · answered by GiGi 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think of sex this way...Sex is like a roller-coaster. It's exciting and thrilling at first, then you learn when to expect every turn and it gets less fun over time. Do you want to complain about it, or do something about it?
Which means: Are you two always doing the same things over and over. You two need a change of pace/scenery.
Perhaps your wife doesn't feel like a desirable woman anymore, so she's not taking care of herself. For her next birthday or mother's day or any holiday: get her a gift certificate for a day at the spa. Arrange to have her hair and nails done, massage, facial, the works. Get a hotel room, (I know you have a bed at home, but sex would be different in a different setting). Make the whole thing as sensual as possible.
Another idea is to have your bedroom re-done. Rearrange the furniture, get new bedding, art, and candles. Get everything in sensual shades of reds, golds, pinks and amber. The idea behind this is to create a stage for sex, so everything should look very sexy. You'd be surprised how much this works, and us less than perfect girls look great in candlelight. Definitely sexier than overhead lighting surrounded by piles of laundry!
Bottom line: You both have to work on this, it's normal to fantasize, but you need to be satisfied within your own relationship. If you make her feel sexy, she'll be more likely to give you sex.
2006-09-23 22:00:43 · answer #2 · answered by Chellebelle78 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Well, remember that you and your wife have built your relationship TOGETHER. If you aren't happy with it, don't forget that you and your wife got here together. Take responsibility for what's yours and perhaps make a commitment to the both of you becoming 'highly skilled' though I'm not sure what you mean by that. If you don't like it, work together to change it. You didn't get here on your own, it was the result of a series of decisions you made both individually and as a couple. Perhaps she is not happy either. Talk it out, there are many things you can do to change and if you are committed to improving things, then I'm sure things will improve. Good luck.
2006-09-23 21:56:36 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Ok, bad sign! If your fantasizing about other women, then eventually you will probably cheat! Here is what you do, try to light the fire for you two again. Take her out somewhere special just because. Or bring her a present and tell her you love her just because you were thinking about her. Do something romantic, and keep doing things like this..... I guarantee you will get laid. No matter how long you've been married, women still need to know you care.
2006-09-23 21:47:41 · answer #4 · answered by cherry_kissez376 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Marriage is a vow that should never be broken. There has to be a reason that ya'll aren't having sex so instead of thinking about cheating think about how to fix what is wrong. Yes, I'm coming down hard but you deserve it. If you had said that you fantasize about this and your sex life was good then that would be different.
2006-09-23 22:04:27 · answer #5 · answered by buttons799 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
yes I do have the same problem with my husband , I know that you are not supposed to think of anyone else while you are having sex with you spouse, but I can't help it , I am 36 years old not bad looking ,I get looked at , and I go to the gym 5-days out of the week , and I take care of my self , but I do it for me , for no one else , as for highly skilled well that's a fancy shmacy word for
a whore ,, so find a new word of the day....
2006-09-23 22:22:22 · answer #6 · answered by E.M. 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
put all that effort that your putting into fantasizing about other women and focus on each other.. remember what it was that brought you together, it's still there it just got lost in the shuffle.. go an a vacation join an exercise class...bring the romance back, go parking.... I don't know what you should do but what your doing now isn't healthy in a relationship let alone a marriage...good luck
2006-09-23 21:54:08 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
First of all women and men think of sex differently. Men constantly want it, but with women sex is like an emotional thing. Women are not just turned on, it takes a little romance. Maybe you should talk to you wife and then seek counseling.
2006-09-23 22:02:00 · answer #8 · answered by diva22 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I know exactly what you mean! I'm 37 but look a lot younger and often have hot looking guys hitting on me its very difficult to say no sometimes but I have.I have also been married for13 years theres a lot of people who will say how immoral it is to have these fantasies but if they were honest with themselves they would have had them too at some stage.its only natural to fantasise sometimes but just don't act it out.
2006-09-24 05:53:39 · answer #9 · answered by poptrash 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
have been married 35 years sex is not everything trust and talking out things is your sex life is nonexistant talk to your partner discuss what is not and what is going on give your partner a chance to talk about it they may be under the impression you don't want to be involved
2006-09-23 21:53:49 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋