I cant seem to work through my feelings of anger for my husband's difficult ex. I do not hate the child, but I do hate the contant reason for us to have contact with that dreadful woman! Everytime he talks about the child, I feel like I am going to choke on anger. I am not angry at him, nor am I angry at the child, I just hate the situation. We cannot speak to the child without someone on the othr line screening the calls, and not only cant we afford to visit, but we just dont want to have to deal with the mother. Gosh, she is such a distasteful, aweful woman to us. I do talk to her, and am polite, but the way she talks to me, i just wish i could shove the phone down her throat. My husband says he doesnt like the way she talks to me. but she is ignorant, and if I confront her, she will probably cut us off from the child. Can you see why I hate so much the situation. Normal people can get by, and accept the situation...but this woman is just impossible!
2006-09-23 14:07:53 · 9 answers · asked by Sweet Ras 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Other - Family & Relationships
I just dont trust her. I am also afraid that if she pushes the wrong buttons my husband might retaliate (you kow how men get when peole mess with people they love). I already have to accept that I wasnt the fist to have kids for him, I dont want to lose him for the sake of that witch and the kid. Sometimes, I just feel like an outsider. He needs me to be the mediator, but I dont know how to get over these feelings of anger. I want to set her straight, but she is famous for hanging up on you.
2006-09-23 14:11:17 · update #1
Forget the mother, think what the child is going through, the best way to get rid of anger told to me by a counselor take a picture of the person you are angry and paste or tape it on abig garbage can, take a bat and hit the garba ge can and picture hitting that person, it may sound crazy but it works. Beat it untill you are so tired you can't hit it anymore your will be surprised how much better you feel. Let your husband handle the phone calls and you treat his son like he was your own, he will never forget it. YOu will have children I'm sure by your husband and his child will be older and they will enjoy playing together. She will be the looser,don't let her win. If you have to talk with her try to picture her with horns or something that will help you keep your sense of humor and don't keep complaining to your husband, he chose you and it sounds like she's trying to get under your skin so don't let her. It would be sad for ya'll to separate because of her, cause she sure would be happy. Beat her at her own game and make a laughing matter about it. Picture next time she hangs up on you, the next time just laugh and say you know theres something wrong with this phone I just purchased it for 70.00 and everytime you call it goes dead sure was w orth it's money. Bet she want hang up on you no more. Hope this helps. Good Luck,try thinking of something like that to say to her when whatever she does to get under your skin, you'll feel better.
2006-09-23 14:40:09 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
You and your husband would definetly benefit from some family therapy...including your husband's child later on.
I'm sure one of the first things the therapist would tell you is that it's not your place to mediate between your husband his ex-wife. You've been pulled into parts of the situation that you have no place in....so no wonder it's frustrating. Your husband should be doing a better job for you as his new wife and keeping you out of this sitation. You can be a there for his child and a wife to him without having to deal with her directly. And meanwhile, his fears of her keeping hte child away are obvious, but isn't that what custody agreements are for? If you doesn't have one, help him get one so that she can't use that as leverage.
2006-09-23 21:21:23 · answer #2 · answered by lutl424 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It seems to me that you first have a problem with her because she is the mother of his child. If she is not polite to you then maybe you should not talk to her you should leave it up to the father. I'm sure she can't be that bad of a woman if he had a child by her.You should let him deal with the mother of his child. I'm also thinking that this child is very young,you have not been in a long term relationship with this man! That means that you should not be thinking about having children with him yet. I strongly advise you not to get into any situation that will cause you're man to think that there's a problem with his child and that you are bitter about not being the first women to be pregnant with his child. If that is you man and you trust him, let him deal with his ex.Move on and stop hating!
2006-09-23 21:24:49 · answer #3 · answered by ann d 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I can't answer the question, I can only agree with you that you need to seek professional advice, this does sound like enough to drive anyone crazy. I would however suggest that you pat yourself on the back for trying. It would be easy to walk away and let the hatefull ex have her way. You can bet she would tell the child how awful the daddy is, never calling or visiting. But as long as your husband keeps calling and trying to keep in touch with the child, she can't do that.
Now, a message if hope for you. It sounds like you have your hands on a good man. That's a hard thing to find. A man who won't let his ex's animosity get in the way of his love and devotion for his child is amazing and you can tell him I said so.
Please find help. If you can't afford private counseling, do it through your county or church. But find it for your sake, your husband's sake, the child's sake and the sake of any children you may have in the future and would like to have contact with thier older sibling.
2006-09-23 21:23:46 · answer #4 · answered by Sandy S 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You need Dr.Phil really. Sorry but I think you should be an adult and deal reasonably with this situation.Its not your fault that the woman is like that she obviously has a problem with you both,so the feelings are mutual.You just will have to deal with this,think about how the child feels,I would doubt that it doesn't aggravate the child(how old is the child?)You must be new at this.goodluck
2006-09-23 21:32:28 · answer #5 · answered by Donut Forget About Me 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
just go on being polite to her but when it gets to the point where she is getting under your skin turn around and walk away.you don't want to say or do anything you will regret later on.just consider the source. it's all about resentment because you have a life with him she once had.some people when they devorce each other will try to make the other persons life misserable,not because they still love them but because they don't want anyone else to have them.so beware
2006-09-23 21:30:27 · answer #6 · answered by THE SHADOW 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Yes, a counselor's advice would probably help.
Probably a good idea to start seeing one to help you work through some of these issues.
2006-09-23 21:10:01 · answer #7 · answered by a_blue_grey_mist 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Sorry to hear what you are going through. You had to know this before marrying your husband and you accepted it so you can't complain about it now.
Good luck!
2006-09-23 21:10:55 · answer #8 · answered by Raspberry 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Get over it---you are a stepmom, and you ALL feel like that.
Don't marry a man with kids if you don't want to deal with it.
2006-09-23 21:11:09 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋