Ah, the age old question.. Usually answers of "look inside yourself are given".. but I have, and I just don't know.
I am physically attracted to both males and females. "fooling around" with either sex excites me, but females can't bring me to orgasm while guys can.
Could my problem with girls be a function of some type of sexual anxiety, or general performance anxiety? or am I gay?
It doesn't help my problem that i'm on a conservative college campus of 2500 kids, and undoubtedly a minority. If I were gay, I know I wouldn't feel any different but would be viewed differently, and probably would lose a couple of friends. Any words of wisdom would be appreciated.
Enjoy your Saturday Night
Rob
2006-09-23 13:24:57 · 30 answers · asked by The Iceman 3 in Society & Culture ➔ Cultures & Groups ➔ Lesbian, Gay, Bisexual, and Transgender
Thanks for the answers guys, I was little a vague in some regards.. A one night stand isn't all that important to me, but how am I supposed to know where I stand sexually if I can't form a bond with either sex beyond friendship or lust.
2006-09-23 13:35:32 · update #1
Be who you are. If you feel like you'd be better off with a guy, then go for it! Any "friends" you have who dump you for your sexual orientation weren't really your friends to begin with.
I'd suggest, though, that you talk to your doctor. Anything you tell him/her is confidential, and if you do have some kind of physical problem that's keeping you from enjoying yourself with girls, s/he can help you out. S/he can also advise you on safe sexual practices if you decide you'd rather be with a guy.
No matter what, be who you are, and stand tall and proud! Talk to campus officials about starting a GSA (Gay-Straight Alliance) on campus. You don't have to present yourself as homosexual, just show support. You might be surprised how many supporters (or closetteers) are hiding in the woodwork, waiting for someone to stand up and take initiative.
Good luck and god bless!
Nina
2006-09-23 13:33:17 · answer #1 · answered by living_in_a_bell_jar 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Ok, well, I have no personal experience in this and I really have a whole lot of gay friends. However, I would say that the fact that you are on a conservative college campus shouldn't factor into your decision to be straight, gay, or bi. Because, let's face it, it is a decision. From what you've said so far, it appears that you are leaning towards being fully gay rather than bi. However, do look at how you perform with a man vs a woman, it could be that the women you are sleeping with (or woman, I don't really know your lifestyle) are not doing what you need to orgasm, while a man does. But, then again, I'm sorry to say, you have to sort through all this on your own, don't worry about what other people think, but this could take years for you to come terms with your own sexuality. Good Luck and I hope you're are happy with the person you become.
2006-09-23 20:51:07 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 0⤋
It sounds to me as if you are bisexual. Your inability to orgasm with females could indeed be related to performance anxiety, a lot of people experience this-I don't know what advice to give you about that, since I'm female and don't know exactly what that entails, but stressing about whether or not you are good enough, last long enough are making her happy, will be able to finish etc. cause the release of stress hormones which pretty much put your body on "time for fight or flight" mode rather than "time to reproduce" mode, try to not to think about these things and just stay in the moment and feel what is happening to you, that might help. Even if you do decide you prefer men and that you are gay, you don't have to go around to all your friends and be like, "Hey, I just figured out that I'm gay." your sexuality doesn't play a large part in your friendships normally, so you don't have to tell everyone. That being said, the friends you have that might be anti-gay might not be people you want to be around anyway- I don't like being around narrowminded people whether this pertains to opinions on sexual orientation, race, creed, or political alliance. Anyhow, you have a great Saturday night too.
2006-09-23 20:35:18 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
You probably will eventually be totally gay. In the meantime you are experimenting, and that's fine. Just be careful.
As an old gay man, my best advice to you is, don't get married, and don't father any children at this time out of lust, or for any other reason.
Wait a while, have some fun, do post grad work somewhere not so conservative and learn about real life. Life in a closet is NOT good.
2006-09-23 20:51:55 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 0⤋
Well, it sounds like you might be leaning toward the gay side to me. I am Christian and do not mean to sound condescending by that remark. I think perhaps you should explore a little more with each before you decide though. Lots of women are bi at one time or another as well. Maybe it is just a stage of your life where you are trying to find yourself and nothing but trying it out will fix it. I do not mean to suggest you go around and sleep with people from both sexes. Not only do I think it goes against God but from the practical side. When you sleep with someone, you sleep with everyone they ever slept with. Which can be pretty unnerving. Find your mate and then find peace with yourself. Whatever you do you should do either all the way or not at all.
2006-09-23 20:43:46 · answer #5 · answered by mortgagegirl101 6 · 1⤊ 1⤋
I went to a college exactly like and and about the same size too. "God forbid you actually be gay" is the prevalent attitude. You may be bisexual. Very few of us are all the way gay or straight, but most of us do lean most heavily in one direction of the other.
When you masturbate, (oh yes you do!) do you most think of hot men or hot women. TRUTH, please?
It's safest to say that you enjoy fooling around with both sexes. That way you haven't quite "lost it". That's what a religious college mentality would have us think. You haven't lost anything. In fact...you may just be finding who you really are.
Be true to yourself. Also, don't someday go ahead and marry because it's the right thing to do. I did that and ruined my life for awhile. Be true to yourself and realize the God will love you either way.
2006-09-23 20:37:15 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
Many today are trying to find something in themselves. The
balance between the two aspects of the Lifeforce we understand
as the masculine and the feminine. Our spirits are made up of both of these, but in this world, we take on dominant aspects
of one or the other.
We are trying to find this balance in external ways. Dressing
up, acting it, and through sexual experimentation. But it
needs to be done within, by our behavior toward others.
Sex is not just a physical act. It is a spiritual act as well. We are helping our Creator to create life.
2006-09-23 20:34:04 · answer #7 · answered by Tegghiaio Aldobrandi 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think that you're probably gay...your performance with women could be performance anxiety..but I don't think you even think about that with men... Gays aren't necessarily viewed differently...you might be surprised...the people out there who won't be friends with gay people or who are really judgemental---who wants them as friends whatever your orientation...Gays don't really feel any differently than straights do..it's just about who they're sexually attracted to...If you tell yourself that you' re gay..nothing will really change in your life..at least not in the basic makeup of your character.
2006-09-23 20:42:49 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
Just go with being a homosexual...that bi stuff is bad news. Bisexuals never tell members of the opposite sex they are bi...only the same sex. This is SO wrong. My sister dated a guys for 4 years. They where planning a wedding and everything. She walked in on him & his best man doing the humpty- dumpty. She was devastated. She had no idea he had sex with men. Yes she dumped him, and had every right to. He was cheating on her. She asked him why he didn't tell her and he told her that girls won't have sex with bi-sexual men...Well duh...She ment why didn't he tell her on their first date, so she wouldn't have waisted 4 years of her life. What a looser.
My point is, a girl will not fool around with you if she knows you suck on a penis, or moan with a ding dong up your anus period. They will not do it. Why lie to each and every woman you are with? Just go with gay men who like that sort of thing.
2006-09-23 20:59:11 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 1⤋
Hi, I can't answer that question for you exactly, but I'd bet you are gay. Seems most sexualy confused guys or guys that think they are bisexual, later end up with a man. If you aren't getting an orgasim with a female.. maybe you find them attractive and you go with them because that is how you were brought up- but you are really attracted to guys?
Mavis knows
2006-09-23 20:32:20 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋