Is it right for a man to go to a bar for drinks every week when he has a wife and 5 month old baby girl home?

Question

I like to think that I give my husband space ,he always goes out on fri and sat to a local bar with his best friend not crazy about it but its alright well his buddy moved away this week and I was happy cause ,my baby and I, well I thought my husband would spend more time with us but its worse now cause he now wants to go to the bar alone.I dont have a car so Im stuck at home all week.and my baby is teething so all she does is cry lately.Is this a lack of consideration on his part?Ive never confronted him about this,I dont stand up for myself like I should,should I start now?Am I the selfish one for asking he stay home or is he the selfish one?And another thing is hes not a teenager hes 43 years old.

Answer 1

once a week is far from out of the question.


p.s. judging by other responses this is worse than i thought.. how does one or two nights a week constitute such a big deal...the domineering opinion expressed by some answerers (i.e. he has no right to do this) would send any real man running for the hills..LIGHTEN UP!

Answer 2

Sweety, you are obviously bothered by this and if you don't confront him in a reasonable manner, it's going to come out in a rage eventually. Whether it is right or not is a matter of personal preference, my feeling is, you don't get time off, why should he? But either way, you need to say something. I have a problem with confrontations too, so I write things down. You can start by writing EXACTLY how you feel, dirty words and all. Get the frustration out...then do the rewrite. Tone it down, be nice, but still say what you feel. Put it aside for a couple of days, then read it again. You will feel better by then and will be able to read it the way it will sound to him. Give him the letter and leave him to read it alone. Give him time to respond, but make sure he does indeed respond. I've had alot of jobs in my life, but being the mom of an infant is the toughest I've had. I was lucky enough to have a very devoted husband. Good luck.

Answer 3

We treat people how to treat us. You have allowed this behavior for some time now, so how can you expect him to change without a good reason why. Well, you my dear are that good reason why. You deserve a man that makes you his first priority and is committed to your relationship. Once you're married, the rules change and you are no longer allowed to frequent bars and go out without your spouse. Allowing him his space to spend time with a friend is one thing, but he doesn't have to turn to a bar, and he surely doesn't have to go out every week. Gather up your self-confidence and demand respect! If he won't make these changes and realize that he is now a married man, you'd better give him a major wake-up call and move out, because you deserve to treated with kindness and respect. If he loves you, he'll make the changes. If he is not willing to make these changes , then you are better off without him, and should move on and take care of yourself and your baby. You owe that child a loving secure home where both parents are committed and respectful of each other's needs.

Answer 4

It's a matter of balance. Guys need to get away from their wives & kids every once in a while (yes, one or two nights a week for a couple of hours isn't going to kill anyone). Give the man some space, but make it clear that he needs to spend more time with you and the baby. Maybe he can watch the baby one night while you go out for a couple drinks or whatever. Compromise....

Answer 5

This is definitely a touchy subject, because there are two sides to every story but... I would tell him how you're feeling, tell him everything, how hurt you are that he's not spending enough time with the two of you, how you're raising the baby almost alone! When my babies were teething it was so hard on me, I was exhausted because nothing seemed to put them in better moods. They were constantly crying etc. I think the father should be there to help with that kind of thing. She's his daughter too!

Answer 6

This is not acceptable behavior for him. He is inconsiderate. He could be home with you and the baby and have a beer there. What is the attraction to going out? Why doesn't he want to be home? You need to talk to him about it. Stick up for yourself and stay there. You need to have some consideration. Is the baby just yours or is the baby his too? Then he needs to take some of the responsibility for the baby too. Why should he ever change the behavior if you never say anything, go for it girl!

Answer 7

You have probably figured out that children do not bind a couple in a marriage, they put a wedge in it. He's gone, because he can't handle the dad part. Crying babies aren't really what a guy thought a family was going to be like. And you ragging on him won't change that. Seek some help from a marriage counselor, sweetie. He needs to wake up, and you need some help in getting him to be a father and a husband

Answer 8

I think you need to stand up for yourself and quit letting him go out to the bar all the time. He should be home with you and be helping you take care of the baby that he helped make. You need to sit down with him and tell him how you feel. I hope he understands. Good luck!

Answer 9

Since hes 43 he should be taking more responsibility and shouldn't be selfish and help you out with the baby and spend time with you. That doesn't mean he cant still go out with his friends. He has to find the proper balance. Also, if hes always going out to drink is it possible he has a drinking problem?

Answer 10

You do give him way to much space and he should help you take care of your little girl otherwise she will grow up to just being used to being around girls. He is the selfish one for going out fri and sat and not staying home. He will ruin your relationship. You stand up for yourself now and take a stand. Treat him like he should be treated! If he wanted that baby as much as you did than he should help take care of her, otherwise, forget about him and go on your own!