for the last week the least little thing sets me off I cry for no reason the breastfeeding isnt going well thatmakes me feel like a horrible mother not to mention biting my other kids heads off for nothing I am stuck in the house with them 24 hr a day 7 days a week and have been since june because of complications with my pregnancy I had to be put out of work. My husband acts like I dont exist we havent spent any real time together since i came home from the hospital. Sometimes I just think they would be better off without me because I dont like being mean t my kids and I hate feeling the way I do I am supposed to be happy I just had a new baby. But all I want to do is cry and crower in a corner. Has anyone had experince with post partum depression if so does this sound like it? I have never felt like this after the birth of my other kids.
2006-09-23 12:51:36 · 17 answers · asked by Angela M 2 in Pregnancy & Parenting ➔ Newborn & Baby
Honey, I can't stress enough what the other people have said...GO SEE YOUR DOCTOR, IMMEDIATELY! You may have post-partum depression and it's probably due to the complications you had before delivery and all the stress since. It's not your fault. Chemical imbalance, life-stress can be such a hard thing for a mother.
Your kids need you right now and you need them. You need to stop beating yourself up and feeling like a horrible mother. You're NOT a horrible mother!! You have just given birth, a miracle right there!, you're cooped up in the house with 4 kids, three under the age of 4, your husband is ignoring you (or maybe he's thinking he's got to work harder for you and the kids, though you don't say what he does). You are no longer working, your comfort level has gone down, your professional career and outside world contact have gone to nothing. You need to get out and do something... anything...and you need to have some contact with the outside world--NOW! That is imperative!
I know how you feel. I have been there. I have 4 kids and another baby due in March. I have suffered with post-partum depression with my second and third babies. I actually had "visions" of hurting myself and the baby with a knife. It's not something I would brag about but it was SCARY! I wouldn't do anything to hurt my babies and yet here I was seeing these visions. I went to the dr. after the third baby and said I was very depressed. I found exercise was very helpful, and I was prescribed an anti-depressant. It did help make the visions go away. I did not experience the visions at the same time after pregnancy either--with my son #2, it was about 3 weeks after the delivery; with my daughter #3, it was 4 months.
My sister had it worse than I did. Ten months after delivery of her first child, my sister, who's always been the one "in control" and a bubbly, outgoing personality, just became catatonic. She was having those visions of hurting herself and her baby and it was so awful she just shut down. Seeing her "flat" and unable to function was very hard for all of us. She recovered with medication and therapy and had 2 successful pregnancies afterwards with no PPD symptoms. It's all a luck of the draw.
I just really feel for you! Do you have someone you can call? Mom, sister, aunt, cousin, someone you are close to? There is no shame in how you are feeling, and there is help for you. There are hotlines you can call as well if you are desperate. Call the hospital nursery--I did that after my second baby and they were SO HELPFUL! They even called back frequently to see that I was all right. They have support groups, or can put you in touch with one. This is something that happens frequently so they have those numbers handy.
Above all, communicate with your husband and let him know how you are feeling. Tell your girls you're having a rough time and you really don't understand why you're so sad right now. They love you. They will really help you, especially your 9-year-old. I have an 11 year old daughter and a 9 year old son, along with a 4 year old daughter and a 2 1/2 year old son. My older daughter and son are so terrific. They help out around the house, run errands for me if I need something, and they play with their little brother and sister. They're not perfect though, and they are still growing themselves and they make mistakes. Sometimes BIG mistakes. Sometimes I blow up at them too and after I cool down a little, I apologize. There's no need for it: I know it. I'm stuck in my house too most days and don't get out much. My husband travels a lot so I don't get a break much. I have been ill with this pregnancy and had to have surgery last month because of an infection. The pregnancy is actually going well but the infection really sent me for a loop. My whole summer is gone, I'm not able to work as much as I'd like, and I feel totally useless sometimes. I really know how you feel! The other day I blew up at my son and a little while later I took him aside and said, "I just lost my temper. I'm so sorry." And he said something really great, he said, "Apology accepted, Mom. I know you're not feeling well." WOW! from a 9 year old boy!
This too shall pass. You're the kids' mom. They need you. They need you to take a break, get out, take a walk, meet up with friends, start working again (even if it's just a part-time stint, just to be with other adults). Join a mommy and me class for your youngest 3. Join a book club so you can keep your mind active. Visit the library. Go to church and pray. Hire a babysitter for an afternoon so you can take a nap, take a bath, get your hair done, have a manicure or a pedicure. Make yourself beautiful! You deserve it, after all you've been through. Hang in there, honey! I'm rooting for you!!
2006-09-23 16:06:25 · answer #1 · answered by Hello Dolly 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I felt like that when I came home with my daughter. She was early and nothing was ready at home. I have a 3 year old son and he is a handful just himself. What you are going through is depression. If there is anyone that can help you out during the day and give you sometime to yourself that will help if not is if your husband can take the kids for an hour and go take a relaxing bath or some alone time where it is quiet. I know your oldest is nine is if she would play with the four year old and two year old while you have some alone time with your newest. I did this and really helped me deal with the depression. All the luck to you!!!!
2006-09-23 13:02:36 · answer #2 · answered by emt_girl_50 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
those things all sound perfectly normal, but since they are causing you distress, you should probably go to your family doctor or maybe your obstetrician - or if you have a psychiatrist already, go to him. postpartum depression is something you cant help - its totally about chemicals. its not about you being a bad mother or a bad person or being defective in any way. In fact, in my opinion, you seem like a pretty attentive and caring mother since you actually care enough to be worried about how you are acting and feeling.
for short term relief - i'd suggest having a trusted relative come over for the afternoon and evening, and then you take a short nap, then do yourself up pretty, and go out with some friends to a nice restaurant. good friends and getting out of the house and away from the kids can help you feel better for at least a little while.
but for the long term, have a talk with your doctor - then have a talk with your husband to let him know what you're feeling. he *is* male after all - dont give him too much credit, he doesn't know better.
2006-09-23 13:01:47 · answer #3 · answered by rinea 2 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Hey girl.. First of all I want to tel you to sit back and relax! You have alot on your plate right now and yes it is overwhelming! You are not a horrible mother! ALot of women are going through the same thigns you are! You need to think about all the good you are doing for your family and not all the bad! DOnt get down on yourself, especially about the breastfeeding, IT takes time and lots and lots of practice! IF it gets too hard for you to hand try switching to formula, IT isnt as bad as everyone puts it out to be! And as Far as snapping at your other kiddos, I know it is hard stressful and just flat out exhausting especially a 2-4 and 9-year. You have your hands full! Just rememberthey are goingthrough changes themselves with a new baby in the house and all! Give them time and they will settle down and be better once they get used to things!ANd I dont knock you down at all for crying or wanting to escape in the corner! Its part of life and it is stressful But know That you arent alone and that other women are doingthe same thing! Just think to yourslef once times get rough and you are getting down on yourself for not doing something right... Reember all the things you do do and if it wasnt for you..The MOTHER you wouldnt have the beautiful preciuos family you have! And as far as your husband ... Dont worry ok... Men dont fully understand the pressure of parenthood and it takes time for them to really sit back and get the picture themselves, I had my little girl only a month and 3 weeks ago, and MY husband is just now figuring out when it is time for a little help and attention, He is going through alot too! SO just let up on everything ok... and always rmember everyone has to get adjusted and that YOU RE A GOOD MOM! Also about your real question ......Yes this is a sign of Post partum depression and if you sit down and explain everything with your doctor dont be afraid either they have heard it all.... they will more then likely prescribe you some medicine just to kindof balance out your hormones and make you feel less stressed and moody! Good luck and best of wishes! COngratulations~
2006-09-23 13:05:21 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 0⤋
It sounds to me like you know what you are going through is not different to other people and that is great. In your case the reason for the depression could be your hormones following the birth of a male child.....if you did not have it with the girls. I know when I was pregnant with my daughter, I was terrible with morning sickness but not with my boys so things are definately different with each child. First thing is to get you out of the house and socialising with some other mums. If you have a support network with friends, family etc. now is the time to take their offers of support and be open with them about how you are feeling. My sister went through a terrible time when her children were born...my mother and I had to take turns being with her all the time, but she got through it and everything is great now. Don't be afraid to ask people for help. It certainly sounds like you need to let your husband know that you are having a terrible time and would like him to help you source some assitance.
We all think that we are supposed to cope and love everything and everyone but this is the real world and you are definately not alone. Get down to your local church and find out if they have someone who would be able to give you a hand.....perhaps there is a local church in your area that runs a playgroup. You would definately find someone there who would want to give you a hand. And don't forget, your Doctor will probably speak to many women in the same situation as you everyday and will have some great advice, and if he doesn't find one that does. God bless xx
2006-09-23 13:06:00 · answer #5 · answered by like to help 3 · 2⤊ 0⤋
You need to take some me time and talk to your doctor about eveything!! My sister had this very bad with her 2nd child and I am being to wonder if I might have it a little now (I have a 5 week old and a 6 yr old). The littlest things make me upset and my doctor has said she is just going to watch me for now...The best things that I do for myself is writing in my journal even with my kids I make time right before I pass out (and boy is it not passing out with a new baby) I try to write a page a night and not worry about grammer or spelling just write even if its just a list of things I need to do. It really helps me keep my head on strait and helps me understand my own feelings
2006-09-23 12:59:21 · answer #6 · answered by ♥Ta Loca♥ 4 · 2⤊ 0⤋
You really need to talk to your doctor. It sounds like post-partum depression. You have a lot on your plate. Do you have any family that can come a relieve you, play with the kids, help cook dinner? That would be such a relief. You need to find someone to talk to. Don't let this go!!!
2006-09-23 12:54:58 · answer #7 · answered by SusieQ 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
You need to tell her that it is REALLY bad for his little growing body! Take out the movie Super Size Me and tell her to watch it!! The ages of my boys are 12, 7, and 3 and to this day they have never had McDonald's. Now some people may say that I am being a bad mom for not letting them have a fast food meal, but I think of it as being a good mom by providing them Quality food. Good Luck!!
2016-03-27 05:17:00 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
yep...sounds like post partum depression to me. You need to see your doc and tell them all this. Its normal to not have experienced it before and now have it with the 4th child. Four kids is a lot of stress, and if you aren't getting help from your hubby that will add to it. But do see your doctor...
2006-09-23 12:55:19 · answer #9 · answered by irishmomof3 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I'm not going to tell you to go see a doctor but I will say you need to get out of the house for a while. Get a baby sitter for the day and get out and do something for you.
2006-09-23 13:14:27 · answer #10 · answered by evrythnnxs 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋