with the rest of his work buddies, am i wrong for feeling angry and dissapointed in him? what should i do about this?
2006-09-23 12:50:28 · 41 answers · asked by zndgd 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Other - Family & Relationships
Oh, please..... just leave the guy alone.
2006-09-23 12:51:48 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
I had the same thing with my husband, he had gone to one with mates but he told me about it the next day. I hated it, all the feelings that he had some woman near him naked I felt like this was the end of the marriage and that we could not get through this. I felt that he had not respected me, and had put everything that we had and had gone through at risk for some stupid strip club. He was sorry, didn't enjoy it, and I believed him, I know one of his mates is quite pushy. I also asked the question on this site, check out my questions to see the background and the answers I received. My husband says there is nothing exciting in these clubs, it was a bit like a cattle market, and I think it frightend him as well. His mate has not told his wife but my husband and your boyfriend were honest and we have to respect that. After months of crying, and arguing (not all the time), we decided we would draw a line under it and not mention it again, we have a brilliant and honest relationship, which neither of us want to lose, my hubby has learned his lesson,and I know he won't be going again, or doing anything to spoil what we have, he won't get himself into that situation again. You probably won't be ready to forgive him yet, but you will in time, you just have to go through a bit of crap first. But you will get through this, don't let this ruin things, just be thankful that he didn't do anything, and you have a special relationship that not many people have. Take care.
2006-09-23 21:28:30 · answer #2 · answered by radiant 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I have to own up to being a man, first!
There are so many ways in which I feel you should feel enrished and flattered:
1: Your boyfriend has a conscience - many men do not.
2. Your boyfriend has a respect for the truth - many men do not
3. Your boyfrind trusts you to make a fair judgement...
4. Your boyfriend inherently believes that you won't feel threatened - take this as a compliment.
5. Your boyfriend obviously feels guilty - although guilt is as much a matter for him as it is for you - do you MAKE him feel guilty, and should you? What actual harm has he done? What has he learned from this experience?
What is more important than honesty?
It would be far easier for him to say nothing, wouldn't it?
Who wants to cast the first stone? Are you a perfect saint yourself?
Who hasn't been subject to peer pressure? It doesn't sound as if he was the ring-leader exactly!
You've got a good man! Live up to him and show him that you trust him when he's honest, but if he's ever dishonest you will act accordingly!
If he's lied to you, and this is just the tip of the iceberg, then trust your instincts, and kick him into touch!
Either way, make up your mind and stay consistent to YOUR belief.
Believe him, trust him and stay with him, or
Disbelieve that that was all he was up to, and walk away.
It's your choice - trust your instincts and try to figure what you'd really have done if you'd been in his position!
2006-09-23 13:16:34 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
a strip club is nothing to worry about sugar. It's all look but dont touch. It's just a fantasy, it doesnt detract from his feelings for you and it should affect your relationship. He told you, this is the main thing, he's not trying to hide anything from you and chances are it wasnt his idea to go. I dont think you should be angry, but then everyone is wired diferently and I obviously dont know you as a person. If your insecure or self-concious I can understand why your bothered, but seriously, is him watching a couple of women dance around a pole really a major issue in a relationship of "many years"? if you would prefer he didnt do it again then talk to him and explain why, but I really wouldnt make an issue of it.
2006-09-23 22:52:13 · answer #4 · answered by ladyjinx 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Well I know that I'm the jealous type that's only because I wished that I could have gone and well yeah but back to your answer you have the right to feel angry there is no shame in it at all. I feel as though your a proper woman and would have liked the respect you feel that you deserve. Men are men and don't see them always as a human being go more with your gut the animal instincts will always rule over men. Its like they are a pack of wild lions and they gather around the ***** drooling and getting ready to fend off the weakest male to heir the throne.
2006-09-23 13:02:29 · answer #5 · answered by willokta 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Your angry because he went to a strip club and told you? Would of rather he gone and not told you?
Cut the guy some slack, it is a strip club not a sex club. They look at pretty girls almost naked or all naked but I don't really think they can touch, just look.
Keep up the crabbing and you will be the last to know what he does.
2006-09-23 12:57:27 · answer #6 · answered by sideways 7 · 3⤊ 0⤋
Listen babe what you are feeling is nothing more that what a normal person would be feeling in you position, you see I have been together with my man for now nearly 17 years and he went to a stag night a couple of years ago which was a mad one that ended up in lap dancing etc, you see I thought I was OK with things then I started winding myself up that he was with someone that was dong a lap dance for him then could be doing more and I went completely brain dead and went mad. But at the end of the day I realised that all i done was wind myself up over if as I thought i was enough??????????? But the reality was that there and then he could get a wee lap dance from a bird he was not with and enjoyed it as would all men but in reality, although he may enjoyed it at the end of the day he came home to me................................................ at the time I felt like shite but now I look back and think how freaky it was for me to feel so insecure and all the time it was just a wee **** earning a few quid at the ex pence of men who were so good to their partners and needed a cheep frill while away from home.
2006-09-23 13:30:10 · answer #7 · answered by ooooh look @ me, lol 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
ur wrong in a way, and right in another.Wrong because u know that we are all from nature,its normal for a man to go to a strip club,but dont worry about that coz if you own his heart than he's never gonna let u down.In addition,the reason behind his going is maybe due to some work issues.Maybe he didnt want to dissapoint his work buddies and let them think that he's weird and so dedicated.Peer pressure is very important.You're right in a way,cuz towards urself u wont accept that ur man goes to a strip club,cuz its even not nice for u.Try not to be harsh,let it go but try to make ur point clear to him.gl
2006-09-23 12:56:28 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋
Course its natural to feel angry, but theres half naked girls allover these days and at least in strip club theyre doing it for the money and dont give a toss about the guys. Also you have to remember you look at guys and if you say you dont your a liar too. lol. least he told you, but if it is more sinister then obviously you need to find out!
2006-09-23 13:46:40 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
No u are not wrong ths situation would eat me alive, i have found my boyf lookin at porn on the net and i wanted to die, i thought everything was special for us, there is a lot of people out there that will tell u that boys will be boys and u have to accept it but i think its shite the way men get excused for alsorts cos theyre (men) if he and u have the kind of relationship where he knew it would be wrong to go to the club then to hell with his mates he should have not gone there. the only shread of hope for him is that he admitted it which shows hes honest, please dont let this episode make u think that u have to compete with skinny boobified tarts (sorry to b harsh) he prob didnt get a kick off it anywat but i know how it hurts u i really do e-mail me for a chat if its eatin u up jl_sndrsn@yahoo.co.uk
2006-09-23 13:59:43 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 1⤋
No you should not feel angry because he loves and respects you enough to tell you about it. If you had found out from one of his buddies however, then you'd have a little problem. You have a good man. Stick with him.
2006-09-23 12:52:41 · answer #11 · answered by carpediem3000 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋