i want to save my marriage but at the same time i cant stop thinking about him.and my husband is not helping eather.i am lost.i am having an emotional afair and i am lost in it.any advice.how can i let my husband know the situation without hurting him,or how can i just forget that the whole thing ever happened?
2006-09-23 12:39:11 · 13 answers · asked by super girl 3 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
i told my husband i was lonely but he ignored me.he is never around.he is always at wor and after work he goes to the studio and record music.
2006-09-23 12:44:37 · update #1
I have included in my answer my thoughts about emotional affairs and regular affairs. Regular first:
The sooner you make a decision about who you want to be with the sooner the madness will stop.
I think you should stop seeing the other man, stay with your husband, and not tell your husband that you cheated on him. Once the other man is long gone then you should ask your husband for permission to see other men. Maybe you can work out an open marriage.
Or you can choose the other person over your husband. In that case you are deciding that it is worth losing your marriage to be with the other guy. Under these circumstances you should tell your husband right away and give him the option to stay with you or leave you. Maybe he will stay with you despite your infidelity.
Emotional affairs:
Don't tell your husband about an emotional affair, but do stop spending time with that other guy. Staying in an emotional affair increases your chances of entering a regular affair.
2006-09-23 13:14:59 · answer #1 · answered by carobygirl 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If you want to save your marriage, do not let your husband know. Stop your emotional affair right away and work on your marriage. If your heart tells you that you will not be happy in your marriage then tell your husband and get out of it. Don't consider the other guy in any of this. If you decide on the divorce you can persue the relationship with him but it should not count in your decision about your marriage. After all, he is "carrying on" with a married woman. Has he asked you to get a divorce? Has he offered you any security?
2006-09-23 19:43:24 · answer #2 · answered by Patti C 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You and he need to have a little chat, and you need to do it in a way that is not insulting nor confrontational. In your place I'd say that "There seems to be other things in your life more important to you than ME, than US. I get the feeling that you don't care if our marriage stays healthy. Tell me what's on your mind?" Sometimes this can blow up in your face, and it is unlikely you have the skill to continue this without help. If it does blow up, don't switch gears and start on the blame as to who is not doing what.... you've lost control of the conversation, then. Your goal is to get him to share with you, in a quiet, logical manner. When (because he will ) he freaks out and starts screaming at you as to how many hours he works for you, for the things that his extra time provides, you need to remain calm and say, " I hear you, but I am unhappy as things are now. (You acknowledge his reasons, but don't take the bait for a fight.) I want our marriage to be better than it is. And I don't know how to make it better. Could we see a marriage counselor?" So far, you have accused him of nothing, and not taken the bait.
Your emotional affair with someone else is not at issue here.... (don't be so silly as to think the grass is greener, sweetie, it isn't.) Do your best to let him know that you love him, that you value him and your marriage and are unhappy with how you view your marriage, and are willing to do anything to make it better...
Learning to control a conversation to get what you want takes skill and practice, of which you probably have none. You could role play this with a friend to get good, before you try it on your husband ---that's what counsellors do in classes.... Just remember, you goal is to get the both of you to acknowledge that your marriage has a problem, that you are unhappy, and into counseling. It will be in counseling you'll figure out whether you wish to stay, or leave your marriage. If you guys were already throwing bricks at each other, then of course, it's time to leave. But your situation sounds like you wish to save it....... Helpful? write if you want more.
2006-09-23 20:11:14 · answer #3 · answered by April 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Your husband is selfish, if he works all day then goes to the music studio all night. Of course you are are lonely, you are alone most of the time. You need to tell him everything, you are hurting why should he not know. If the truth hurts him so be it. He doesn't seem to care that you are hurting. After speaking with him if he doesn't spend time with you perhaps you should move on.
2006-09-23 20:09:15 · answer #4 · answered by SHAUN E 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
An emotional affair is the worse type for a woman because they are so emotionally driven where men are physical.
You still have time to talk heart to heart with your husband because you still have not been physically intimate. Hubby is likely so thick he wouldn't relate to emotional attachment.
There still may be time to save it.
2006-09-23 19:43:48 · answer #5 · answered by r g 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Is "him" another guy in your life? Obviously things are not good in your marriage, and you really may want to consult a professional counselor before your husband finds out. You wouldn't want him to go off the edge and either you or him get hurt... you're playing with fire, girlfriend.
2006-09-23 19:42:19 · answer #6 · answered by A Lady @ ALL Times 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Are you committed to your husband? Your husband is your love and your partner. To stop the "emotional affair" decide that you are going to stop it, and then do it. Do you have control over your thoughts? I hope you do. Then do it. Do the right thing. Your husband doesn't have to be hurt over something this silly.
2006-09-23 19:46:48 · answer #7 · answered by trainer53 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Every women has her secrets......
Thats what makes some women more mystrious then others I guess....I have many 'secrets' I would NEVER TELL MY HUSBAND,before we were married and after....a women is entitled to them.
I have secrets the would put V.C Andrews to shame! ha ha ha
But then again Iam a mysterious kinda woman.....
Keep your secrets to yourself,enjoy your 'emotional affair' and know when to stop and control yourself.
2006-09-23 19:49:37 · answer #8 · answered by vanislandwitch 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Therapy my dear. You are obviously looking for fulfillment you're not getting in your marriage. Find out what you need and then work with your husband to get it.
2006-09-23 19:41:24 · answer #9 · answered by booktender 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
this type of an affair is worse than physical if you want to save your marriage get yourselves in counseling and tell your husband.
2006-09-23 19:44:44 · answer #10 · answered by nanny2 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋