I'm not allowed to disagree with them and defend my point. They think "okay" is the hardest thing for me to say. They always think I'm defending myself. They even call me stupid at times. They slap me and tell me to get out of the house for not agreeing with them. Even trying to talk to them doesn't help. They believe they have the authority, which is pretty true. I get mostly A's and some B's; usually ending up getting castrated by them (being told that I'm going to end up in some community college and fail at my job and life). Plus, I'm shy (only with strangers not friends/family), which may be why they think I'll fail my job. The truth is, I hate being shy. I have always been like this and I have been wanting to change it. My parents like to compare me to only the top people/students and then conclude that I'm not academically good enough. They say I'm a hardworker not a smart worker. I have a 3.65 unweighted GPA out of 4. I just like to hear what you think of this.
2006-09-23 11:27:29 · 10 answers · asked by Anonymous in Society & Culture ➔ Cultures & Groups ➔ Other - Cultures & Groups
Just wanted to clarify that they only slap me and do the "get-out-of-my-house" thing when they get extremely irritated at me and when I get irritated back. Some other background details: I'm 16 years old, a junior at HS. Maybe that's where some of the hormones kick in?
2006-09-23 11:40:26 · update #1
I think Asian parents have high expectations for their children. It is part of their culture. My mom is Japanese and the stories she tells me about her school years, I don't know if I could have made it! I don't agree with how your parents are treating you but I understand what they are trying to say. The Asian culture is all about honor and respect. What you perceive as defending yourself, they see as a lack of respect. Although 3.65 is a very good GPA, they may feel you are smarter and could do better if you tried harder. You may be trying as hard as you can, I don't know. I know my son is extremely intelligent. It's like I tell him, if I felt a B was the best he could do and I felt he gave 110%, I would be thrilled but if I know he could have done better, I would be disappointed. I feel no one should ever call someone stupid. I can tell by your letter you are extremely bright. Do not allow anyone to bring you down. I was very shy growing up. My best friends mom didn't know I could speak English for a long time because I would never talk around her. I got myself out of my shyness. Make yourself talk to people. Think of someone you admire and emulate them. Force yourself to be more sociable. When standing in line, strike up a conversation with someone; maybe another customer, the cashier, etc.. In time you will find it becomes second nature. Smile at people. Laugh. Have a positive attitude. I bet you are not shy online. Imagine how you would be talking to someone via email or messenger. Most importantly, like yourself and know your good points and bad points. Look at yourself in the mirror everyday and give yourself a pep talk. Be proud of what you accomplish. Be proud of your grades and the hard work that went into getting your grades. Work hard in school for you. You are the one that will reap the benefits. If you try to do well in school for your parents, and you do not get their approval, you may feel like giving up. I'm sorry your parents cannot tell you how proud they are of you or what a blessing you are to them. Hopefully one day they will realize it and it won't be late to tell you.
2006-09-23 12:08:46 · answer #1 · answered by buckking_99 2 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Asian families have very different ethics than caucasian families do, so I cannot help you as much as I would like, but I too had parents who treated me poorly. All I can say is that once I reached the age of an adult and moved out, I stopped speaking to them for several years because they never had anything good to say about who I was or what I was doing.
They were a wound that I needed to treat and get rid of for a good long while. Now we have a tenuous long distance relationship, and I know I will never be able to be in their presence for very long ever again. They are who they are.
2006-09-23 11:42:36 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
I also have Asian parents and throughout my life, they did the same things that you have stated. They compare me to my cousins and expect high grades even when I do get high grades. What I did was stop caring about what they wanted from me and just did the things that I wanted to do. If I got a "C" on a paper and I was content with it, it did not matter to me what my parents thought of it. I feel a much better person now because I stopped caring what my parents thought. It's your life, live it for yourself.
2006-09-23 11:40:18 · answer #3 · answered by JJStokes 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
They think they're doing the right thing by pushing you but obviously that is too harsh. Why don't you listen to the good things they say, and try to ignore the negative aspects. Write about the things they say that make you angry in order to vent. Honestly I would tell you to talk to them about your feelings, but sometimes it just doesn't work. It sounds like they're very set in their ways, maybe they can change one day but for now, just try to see the situation in a different light.
ps. maybe you can get an understanding aunt or uncle to talk to them?
good luck
2006-09-23 22:25:46 · answer #4 · answered by what up buttercup! 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
your parents just want what is good for you!!!maybe you should say ok more often[we all know that teenagers disagree with everything and everybody!!]i know it's hard growing up,but it's also hard for parents to see that their children have grown up!!!so show them that your mature and maybe they'll stop treating you like a child and treat you like an adult[by being a good student,and not arguing about everything!!!]it's a tough world out there so they just want to prepare you!!!you know most parents who don't care about their children rarely have children who succeed!!i know it's tough but be glad they care enough,one day you'll thank them!!!
2006-09-23 11:49:26 · answer #5 · answered by ....FED UP............ 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
My parents are Asian and yes, they were strict with me growing up and pushed me very hard, but they were never abusive in any way. I can't say it is true for all Asian parents but they did push me hard in school, and sometimes would compare me to other students. Work hard, don't get down on yourself or your family. It may seem screwed up sometimes but they are showing their love for you by trying to help you succeed in life.
2006-09-23 13:53:47 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
god, what abitchy lifee we all have. i feel that way too. except my oparents aren't cruel. my dad always threats me with kicking me out. I'm gona try community college and better job. i've just been kicked out of my apartment and will stay at my folks for a while. life is bitchy
2006-09-23 12:21:07 · answer #7 · answered by mystic_lonewolf22 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You are smart. Your lack of self esteem is because of how they treat you. Move out and don't look back. You are a wonderful smart young woman. Get counseling to help with the abuse issues.
2006-09-23 11:31:04 · answer #8 · answered by Pantherempress 7 · 1⤊ 1⤋
sounds like you will have to put up with this until you are outta your house, or at least at college.
sorry..but talk to other asians, they seem to have the same kinda thing going on ...so, talk to them, it really helps you if you realize that ohters are going throught he same thing as you.
2006-09-23 21:32:04 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
They get angry because they love you. They want what's best for you.
2006-09-23 11:31:46 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋