Do U dream of a better life,
One with no strife?
Do u dream of a love that shall never fade,
A love that cannot be made?
Do you dream of for that man,
That could’ve stopped you when u ran?
Do you dream for a child,
One with an angelic smile?
Do you dream for those who cannot?
Do you dream for the ones that have fought?
Do you dream for the ones who died,
The ones that lied?
Do you dream to stop those bright blue tears that
Fall so gallantly on the ground?
Do you dream to overcome your fears?
Do you dream to dream of a better dream?
2006-09-23 11:07:20 · 13 answers · asked by Anonymous in Arts & Humanities ➔ Other - Arts & Humanities
It's nice...if a little predictable. The AA BB CC, etc rhyme scheme is not the only way to write poetry. I like the ideas and the concepts you have in the poem, but look beyond what would be the obvious.
The last four lines are the strongest--
"Do you dream to stop those bright blue tears that
Fall so gallantly on the ground?"
This is very poetic and has beautiful imagery.
"Do you dream to overcome your fears?
Do you dream to dream of a better dream?"
These last two lines are the heart of the poem. That last line really touches my heart--its a very poignant line, one hoping for something more, but not daring to do so.
Keep it up! This is just a draft--you can keep editing and moving things around. Good luck!
2006-09-23 11:19:42 · answer #1 · answered by Melissa L 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Its nice. It depicts a person who is at probably their lowest point and wish so many good had happened in their life and the world around them to make it all better. The only problem I have is the ending. I would end it by saying 'Do you dream that somehow or someway this was not a dream?'
2006-09-23 22:11:30 · answer #2 · answered by osito 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
nope.
i can honestly say i never dream about any of these things.
usually when i dream its about people wearing octopuses on their heads and flying horses with cannons strapped to their hooves.
i think if i dreamt any of the stuff you ask i'd be plagued with longing, inner conflict, and disappointment.
but at least you can rhyme basic words (even if your rythmn sucks). maybe when you're older and your horizons expand a bit more you'll think of more interesting things to write about.
bad.
2006-09-24 07:12:16 · answer #3 · answered by Sierra 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think it is great! I love poetry and this beats a lot of stuff that I have tried to write!
2006-09-23 18:16:33 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
Good
2006-09-23 18:09:50 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
that was a pretty good poem i cant come up with anything like that
2006-09-23 18:17:14 · answer #6 · answered by charley h 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
some good some bad
2006-09-23 18:09:24 · answer #7 · answered by jason 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I liked it!
2006-09-23 18:14:52 · answer #8 · answered by emvannattan 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
it needs some work but you could go somewhere with it.
2006-09-23 18:27:22 · answer #9 · answered by keepingthefaith 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Good, I think. What is it for?
2006-09-23 18:54:11 · answer #10 · answered by lovedubya 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋