We recently just found out we're expecting again...unexpectedly. We have an 8 y/o and 4 y/o daughters and I almost feel guilty not telling them but since I've had a few miscarriages before, I want to wait until I have an u/s and see the baby's heartbeat. Or should I wait longer? Several other people know (my parents, husband's parents, a few friends, etc). I've told them all that my girls don't know so they won't say anything to them. I just still feel guilty because strangely enough, they have both been talking about how they want a baby brother...literally out of no where!! And everytime they mention it feel like I'm lying to them by not telling them, especially the 8 y/o. I suppose waiting until Friday isn't a big deal. What do you think?
2006-09-23 10:38:15 · 10 answers · asked by Anonymous in Pregnancy & Parenting ➔ Pregnancy
When was the latest that you miscarried? If it was before 12 weeks I would wait until after the first trimester. It will still give them time to get used to it and help you plan.
2006-09-23 10:41:11 · answer #1 · answered by Ryan's mom 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I recently had a similar situation exept it was with my step sons, age 8 and 9. We waited tell after the first u/s (good thing because we found out it was twins) to sit down with them and let them know the soon to come new members of the family. It took them all summer to get use to the idea of having new babys in the house. The 9 y/o is now really excited and loves to look at baby clothes with me. We also took them to an u/s with us so that it was more real to them. My 4 y\o loves the idea that her brothers are in mommy's tummy. She has been excited ever since we told her. She askes me everyday if her brothers are big enough to come out yet. Any way they react be respectful of their feelings and give them space about it if they want it. They will eventually come around. Don't wait to long to tell them, u want them to be ready for the baby when it is born.
2006-09-23 17:58:06 · answer #2 · answered by montanagal2108 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
i guess you are not far gone,i told my children i was pregnant once then i miscarried and worried how they would take it but they were very understanding ,my daughter was about 8 ,i know what you mean about feeling guilty not telling them ,,you can tell them if you feel you need to ,,but just stress to them that sometimes a baby doesn`t grow properly and goes to heaven or similar story, as they need to know that something could go wrong i think this explaining really does help . or you can wait til you are in the clear, but i guess you are worried that they may hear from someone else or guess there is something going on,,i would say that you know your children better than anyone so its best you think of how they will be..good luck..
2006-09-23 17:47:53 · answer #3 · answered by mam26 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
When I was a kid (over sixty years ago) there was no hiding stuff from kids.........no matter how old or young they were. If mum was pregnant you got told. If she had a miscarriage then you got told that too.
As tragic as things are with all the impacts on folks it's called "life" and that's unfortunate but that's what we are involved in.
Tell your children you are pregnant and share you joy together from the start. If you miscarry then share the sorrow. It's a bonding and strengthening process that life gives us. If you make a drama and tragedy out of things then your children will as well. If you handle it like a mature adult and go through a good healthy grieving process then you'll teach them maturity as well.
You cannot always shield children from life.
Best of everything to you and yours. Including the best of making the best of everything no matter what occurs.
Garth A.
2006-09-23 17:44:35 · answer #4 · answered by Garth A 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I understand been through this also. But I think telling them is the best thing. If you want to wait til Friday go a head but that's all. I had a miscarriage before after telling my daughter and she grieved with me but I think she would have been worse if she just didn't understand why i was sad. Good Luck.
2006-09-23 17:45:40 · answer #5 · answered by Jackie M 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I have been in a similar situation, I would wait until your three months and have heard the baby's heart beat, this way you don't get them excited only to let them down if you were to miscarry. Good Luck, I know how scary it is.
2006-09-23 18:16:16 · answer #6 · answered by ME 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think it is always best to be 100% honest with them, as they sense things anyway and will find out. Even if the worst were to happen they would want to know why mommy is sad, so that way they could understand better. Good luck!
2006-09-23 17:47:17 · answer #7 · answered by Phyllis D 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Why not tell them that you might be having a baby - but it's too early to be 100% sure. Explain that you need to go to the scan and have some tests. It is better than telling them nothing as they have already guessed somthing is happening.
2006-09-23 17:44:00 · answer #8 · answered by lillioputty 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
kids pick up on things you say you have told certain people my children found out i was pregnant by some one at school who's daughter over heard my mum telling her mum in the shop .my mum said the child wasn't listening but we all know they do take everything in my children were very upset and also had miscarriages.and also if you did lose the baby the children would know .any way good luck and take care in your pregnancy i had difficult pregnancy and lots of stays in hospital but have eight healthy children .
2006-09-23 18:12:26 · answer #9 · answered by diane o 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Wait until you feel comfortable. They can wait, but during the last month you will need to help them prepare. They probably know all ready, they have big ears.
2006-09-23 18:01:28 · answer #10 · answered by Pantherempress 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋