Do you have any funny quotes?

Answer 1

But, of course......

“I wanted to be the first woman to burn her bra, but it would have taken the fire department four days to put it out.”
Dolly Parton quote

“I have always believed that writing advertisements is the second most profitable form of writing. The first, of course, is ransom notes...”
Philip Dusenberry quote

“Most people think life sucks, and then you die. Not me. I beg to differ. I think life sucks, then you get cancer, then your dog dies, your wife leaves you, the cancer goes into remission, you get a new dog, you get remarried, you owe ten million dollars in medical bills but you work hard for thirty-five years and you pay it back and then -- one day -- you have a massive stroke, your whole right side is paralyzed, you have to limp along the streets and speak out of the left side of your mouth and drool but you go into rehabilitation and regain the power to walk and the power to talk and then -- one day -- you step off a curb at Sixty-seventh Street, and BANG you get hit by a city bus and then you die. Maybe.”
Denis Leary quote

“The White House is giving George W. Bush intelligence briefings. You know, some of these jokes just write themselves.”
David Letterman quote

“Racism isn't born, folks, it's taught. I have a two-year-old son. You know what he hates? Naps! End of list.”
Denis Leary quote

"You could throw her in the river and skim ugly for two days."
Granny Clampett

"There is no problem so big that it can't be run away from."
Snoopy the Dog

Answer 2

I actual have some for you [: all of us can not be heroes. somebody has to take a seat down on the facets and clap as they pass by making use of. do no longer shop on with in my footsteps, by way of fact I run into diverse partitions. that isn't burger king, you could no longer have it your way. McDonald’s introduced they are going to be including 25 % extra pork to their hamburgers. as a result, McDonald’s hamburgers will now characteristic 25 % pork.” a sparkling learn by making use of the yankee scientific affiliation shows that having intercourse does no longer set off a coronary heart attack — it’s getting caught having intercourse that triggers the middle attack.” men are like outhosues. each and all the sturdy ones are taken and each and all the undesirable ones are crammed with crap Tragedy is as quickly as I decrease my finger. Comedy is once you walk into an open sewer and die. wish those helped [:

Answer 3

"Even a blind squirrel finds a nut every now and then" (used when deflecting a compliment or expressing disbelief at someone else's accomplishment)

"You'll be living in a van down by the river" (don't know exactly when you might use this one, but it's a classic - from one of Chris Farley's best acts)

Answer 4

I only Do what The Rice Krispies Tell Me To Do..). Don't Do Me Ugly.) Of All the things I have lost... I miss my mind the most.).. I just took a pain pill. why are you still here? ) I know the voices aren't real , but some of their ideas are good

Answer 5

"I'm not hooked on drugs anymore. I am, however, still hooked on phonics."

"Why wipe your own *** when someone else can do it for you?"

"No, if you talk to God you're religious. If God talks to you, you're psychotic."

From House, Gregory House Quotes. :p

Answer 6

Q: At lunch, what did Obi-Wan say to Luke?

A: "Use the forks, Luke."

Answer 7

Limewire.

Answer 8

Someone criticized Winston Churchill for ending sentences with prepositions, so he responded, "This is nonsense up with which I shall not put!"

Answer 9

"but why is the rum gone?" jack sparrow

Answer 10

What I forgot to pay attention to you.