I have had a prob for a long time with my step dad staring at me, and just now not even 1 minute ago while I was getting a drink, he squeezed my waist, this made me very uncomfortable, ive locked myself in my room for now, this isnt the first time he has done this, he has touched my neck b4 too, I kno my mom wont be on my side if I tell her what he did and how uncomfortable it makes me ,what can I do?
2006-09-23 09:35:16 · 65 answers · asked by goldieluxxx 4 in Family & Relationships ➔ Other - Family & Relationships
im 19 yrs old
2006-09-23 09:37:22 · update #1
I am so sorry that is happening to you. And no, it is no more alright for him to do that than if you were 6 years old. Did you know that it is considered incestuous, even if it is your stepfather and not your blood relative? You should try to let him know how you feel, in a calm and mature way. Tell him, if he does not stop that you will be forced to discuss it w/your mother. First, write it down on paper. Write what you want to say to him, or her. Use your notes if you have to, so that you don't forget anything. It will help you to stay focused. If your mom does not support you, then you've got a bigger problem. I hope my answer helps you. But, I am not a professional. There is help out there. Sometimes free. Don't be afraid to seek it out. Good Luck
2006-09-23 10:25:29 · answer #1 · answered by originalalicat 1 · 1⤊ 0⤋
First of all you mom sounds like a real !@#$%, sorry but you should come first always. Second tell your school counselor or a relative. You must tell someone, what he is doing is wrong and abusive.
Also stick up for yourself, if he thinks he can get away with it he won't stop. Start out saying that you would like him not to touch you it makes you uncomfortable and if that does not work you must get more aggressive. He is a pig!
This is an awful situation and it is so unfair to you. You must tell someone and make sure that something gets done about it. You do not deserve to be treated like this.
Since your mom is so unsporting, is there anywhere else you could live, like a friend or relative? If you were my daughter's friend I would take you in in a heartbeat.
2006-09-23 09:43:41 · answer #2 · answered by crct2004 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
At 19, you are an adult, and you don't have to stay in an environment where you are not comfortable. In the eyes of the law, touching your neck and squeezing your waist don't count as sexual touching, regardless of how it makes you cringe, so there isn't any legal way to make him desist. As for your mom -- it's hard to tell what stance she might take. She may think you are leading him on, or she may think he's lusting after you. Either way, it's a no win situation for her, but you might be able to say something, in a VERY light tone, along the lines of "I know it isn't reasonable, but it really bothers me when he touches me." She might surprise you and say something to him.
But the main question is, have you told him yourself that you don't like him touching you? Locking yourself in your bedroom isn't the adult way to handle a situation like this. Tell him you don't like it, and would appreciate it if he would just keep his hands to himself.
He'll be shocked and amazed, no doubt (at least he'll put on that act) and likely splutter that since he's supporting you, he expects you to act like a daughter, blah blah blah.
You mentioned earlier that you were going to college. Is there a dorm there that you could move into, or is it a day college? Perhaps you could find a room close to the school, and set yourself up in your own apartment. Check into these options as getting out of the house might be the best solution for you.
Good luck to you.
2006-09-23 09:56:32 · answer #3 · answered by old lady 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
First tell your friends. Maybe write and describe the situation, in a paragraph or two, and title it COMPLAINT.
If your mother won't be on your side, don't bother with her, tell other people. Also tell the neighbors, if you know ones that are reasonable.
Since any kind of unwanted touching can be called assault, go to the police station and tell them. It will help if you can somehow take a photograph of the guy, your stepdadjerk, and bring that with you when you go, and have a friend go with you, preferrably an adult.
2006-09-23 09:44:18 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Move out. It is the only solution for you.
As soon as you get a boyfriend or have any obvious outlet for sexuality, it will get worse.
You could tell your mom why you are moving out either when you leave or a couple of days after. It depends on what drama you like. Even if she receives it badly, you will plant the seed - her own mind will uncover the truth in her husband.
Good luck, and I know this sucks. Do consider moving seriously because you don't want to wake up in the middle of the night with him on you or shower/toilet cam situation.
2006-09-23 11:40:42 · answer #5 · answered by Applecore782 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
U have 2 tell some1 else, some1 that U do trust.
Stay as far as U can away from him.
If He should happen 2 talk 2 U, tell him He's making U uncomfortable & that U've let " whoever " know.
Best 2 protect URself, by not allowing this 2 get out-of-hand.
No matter what age U R, he shouldn't B making U feel like this.
2006-09-23 09:39:07 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
I had this same experience with i know this sound gross but with my grandfather. NOONE has a right to touch you anywhere if its uncomfortable if your mom isn't supportive talk to afriends mom a guidence counselor or any trusting adult..you absolutely need to express to someone how he makes you feel so something can be done where he can not hurt in a much worse way
2006-09-23 09:39:36 · answer #7 · answered by Alli 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
It isn't real clear what kind of relationship you have with your mother and step-father, but stand up for yourself regardless. Tell the SOB that his touching is inappropriate and it WILL stop--don't be a victim. Then tell your mother that having him in close proximity is uncomfortable because he keeps touching you. Tell her if she won't help you take care of the problem you will find someone outside the family to take your side.
2006-09-23 09:41:45 · answer #8 · answered by oldyogi 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Has he ever made an sexual remarks towards you or touched you in any private areas? If not, this likely wouldn't go anywhere if you wanted to get the police involved. Still, I'd talk to your mom and let her know what's happened and that it makes you uncomfortable.
2006-09-23 09:39:14 · answer #9 · answered by vh_ultrabass 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Unless his advances are overtly sexual it sounds like he is just trying to be friends with you and perhaps only considers his touching to be friendly, and not sexual. If things do get "sour" you will need a witness to what is going on. Tell him that his touching makes you uncomfortable and that you would prefer it if he didn't do it anymore. If he doesn't stop, then you have a problem. If he does, then you have a nice, even if he's "weird", step dad.
2006-09-23 09:40:03 · answer #10 · answered by Paul H 6 · 1⤊ 1⤋