When he asked me to marry him I told him that I want to wait atleast 8 mths before we got married. We have been back and forth in our communications and really don't know each other that well. So I decided that I want to go back to dating only.I told him I want to slow the relationship down. But it does not seem that he understand that and still is trying to buy me a ring. He works too much and I have some questions about some of the things that he tells me. I think that he has a drug habit. But says that he does not. And he loves to talk slang to me. Which, I hate. And when I tell him things that I don't like it he takes it for a joke. Pretty much I realize he is not who I want to me with at this point so that is why I want to go back to dating only maybe we just need more time. But how do I tell him this with out hurting his feelings? And how will I know if he understands and will respect that?
2006-09-23 08:36:04 · 21 answers · asked by mstweety123 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
It sounds like to me that you know this guy isn't right for you. Don't waste any more time with him. Listen to your heart and move on. The right one is out there waiting on you.
2006-09-23 08:38:13 · answer #1 · answered by Mrs J 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
So far you have said, he doesn't listen to you, you think he works too much, and he might have a drug habit, and you believe he lies to you. If that isn't reason enough to not get more serious about him, I don't know what is!
Breaking up with someone is never easy. There is no way to do it without hurting the other person's feelings. No one is saying you have to be cruel about it, but being open, honest and direct with him about your feelings is the only sure way to make him understand. Get your courage up, sit him down and tell him how it is as far as you are concerned. It also isn't wise to accept any sort of rings from him. He may take it as the two of you still having a chance at a relationship. And going back to dating is just a way to prolong the agony. Make a clean cut and get on with your life without him if you are not interested in him anymore. It is better for both of you.
Good luck
2006-09-23 16:18:46 · answer #2 · answered by Slimsmom 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I would suggest writing him a detailed letter and include all your concerns fears and issues that you have. In that, you can include your desires not to hurt him but that you have to be honest to him and to yourself.
You have a long life ahead of you. There is nothing worse than to spend it with someone who isn't right for you. The divorce rate is certainly high enough, wouldn't you agree? Take some time to really get to know yourself. Make sure you truely love the person you are. When you do, you can count on finding that right person.
Smile, and know that you are beautiful. Inside and out!
May your dreams come true!
2006-09-23 15:51:57 · answer #3 · answered by artinmyheart 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Most men have their Hugh egos that cannot accept the fact that they are being dumped. If you explain the reasons why, then hopefully it won't be such a blow to his ego!!
I have had quite an experience in my past! They really take it hard!!
Look at it this way- It's either you tell him the truth or put up with all those lovely habits of his!!
2006-09-23 15:43:26 · answer #4 · answered by Lisa L 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Just as you did here, let him know where you're coming from.
Let him know that if he insists on buying you a ring, it will only be a FRIENDSHIP ring, and NO MORE. Make that perfectly clear.
Obviously he doesnt respect your wishes and concerns. He's also obviously not HEARING what you're saying. Sounds like he can become a control freak very easily. Do NOT sway on your thinking/feelings. Please listen to what your head and gut are telling you!
2006-09-23 15:43:18 · answer #5 · answered by iyamacog 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
with the words you worte in explanation you have impressed me but believe me if he loves you he should understand you and that understanding which not clearly know till now should avoid the guilt at your end. do you want to know him? if yes take your time if the questions that you worte here are not answered now i.e. before marriage you might awe the relationship afterwards so this is my resquest to you to be straight forward because as i said if he loves you he will understand you and will wait till all you doubts are cleared . just say it is what i will suggest you to do and be confident thats you who is important and you will take the decision............. take care and best of luck
2006-09-23 15:58:48 · answer #6 · answered by deez godsluv 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
would you rather hurt his feelings a little now and let him move on, or hurt him a lot more when he finds out you want a divorce. you dont want to marry a drug addict or anyone your not sure of. there will always be that distrust. and what if you guys have kids. this could be a real mess. if your not ready dont do it.
2006-09-23 17:00:53 · answer #7 · answered by coffeebabyea 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It's not gonna happen...the only step from here is a total break up. That's the problem, too many of you women say yes before you even know someone, or think it through.
2006-09-23 15:54:02 · answer #8 · answered by johnnyinsnj 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It seems to me that he is not really taking you seriously. If you don't want to be with him then get out. You are setting yourself up for a lifetime of being miserable. If he is not the on then TELL HIM as soon as possible. Don't string him along.
2006-09-23 15:40:30 · answer #9 · answered by ga_gyrl91 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Sounds like you have tried and he isn't going for it so it might just be time to say point blank, I want to slow things down and go back to dating and if you don't then fine, but don't expect me to come back.
2006-09-23 15:40:30 · answer #10 · answered by Jason 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋