My husband and I are seperated he is only seeing the boys on wed and sometimes on the weekend. He think he can just leave for the weekends even if he is suppose to have the kids and doesn't think there is anything wrong with it. Will a judge give him shared parenting if he is not even involved with them now. How do I not let him neglecting them get to me I want to scream and yell at him cause he is hurting my kids but I know I can't what do I do.
2006-09-23 06:08:07 · 15 answers · asked by SiberianHusky_8 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
My kids are 5, 3 and 1 my husband is gone because of infedelity and anger problems with my kids and I. Yelling and even to points of hurting me and them. He refuses to get help for any of his problems.
2006-09-23 06:09:51 · update #1
He was suppose to have them this weeked and let me know at the very last mintues that he was going away for the whole weekend to help his cousin cause she bought a house. thats nice but what about the kids.
2006-09-23 06:15:59 · update #2
Divorces are never easy. I wouldn't wish one on my worst enemy. But hang in there.... you'll survive like the thousands of others who have crossed the same bridge. Trust me....things will get better.
Good luck!
2006-09-23 06:18:51 · answer #1 · answered by Tony 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
hold on if the man has anger problems towards the kids why in gods name would you want to send your babys to see him??? look do not be offended with what I have said but you are not thinking properly, although they are both your kids, you cannot force a man to see his kids if he does not want to!!!!!!!!!!! I have a very small child as well, and have been through a divorce, my babys father was never there ofr my kid, at times I did want him to see my son because I was trying to fill in my own need about the fact that I wanted him to see my child, I then came to realise the me and the lil one are so much m,oe better of without him, he had anger problems as well, you need to think about what is good for the kids, not what makes you feel better, you can cope alone you can, stop hurting your self and the children you keep away and keep the babys away from that heartless man and then see how happy you and the babys will be!!!!! good luck
2006-09-23 06:36:26 · answer #2 · answered by sweetlikehoney_73 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Be grateful that he is not around instead of inflicting abuse on you and the children. The less he is around or makes an effort the easier it will be for you to get sole custody. Just try to make a happy home with yourself and your children and don't push him to take them. If he wants to see them fine but if he doesn't Oh Well- his loss. Keep track of every phone call and visit on a calendar- very important in court. Write down what he says and if he threatens your safety call the police and have it documented. If he is being abusive on the phone tape him. I know it is hard to let go but you don't want to spend you life with someone like that and you don't want your children raised thinking the way their father treats you and them is acceptable. It will be hard but you can do it. Look into some counseling for your self and the older kid(s) who may need it. Good Luck
2006-09-23 06:24:20 · answer #3 · answered by therealprinsess 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Amanda, hold to those wits....girl, there's nothing you can do. If their father doesn't realize what he is missing, then it's his loss.
The weekends he's suppose to have the kids and doesn't pick me them....document it. The kids are proably better off staying home with you then if he can't seem to remember it's his time. One day he will regret his actions, but until then, unless you just want to pack their bags and drop them off on his doorstep, there is nothing you can do for the man.
The judge will proably give you full custody of the kids with him having visiting rights. Whether he uses them, is the question.
I hate that you are having to go through this, and then to have a father that can't seem to understand that his kids should always come first is just another blow.
My friend just found out, her soon to be ex, picks up the daughter, then promptly drops her off somewhere else. One time with an uncle and aunt's that have never seen the child. She's just turned 2. So, she just told him if you don't want to keep her with you, then just don't pick her up. He always has an excuse, his grandparents want to spend time alone with her. His friends called with an emergency at the last minute(beer was getting hot)
Honey, love those kids and try not to have a complete break down, because picking up the peices---bite. Your kids need to see and be with a healthy and happy Mom, they need someone they can trust and depend on, and it sounds like you are it! The kids are going to be just fine with such a great Mom!
God bless us all...............
2006-09-23 06:21:03 · answer #4 · answered by totallylost 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
The judge will expect you to come to your own terms with him.
As sad as is sounds, the judge isn't there to listen to you to argue over "He said, She said's". He wants to see an typed out agreement between both of you that this is what your schedule will be like and how you will share the kids.
You have to remember that even though he takes off...you shouldn't get up set. You are not the one missing out on your kids..he is. He is the one at loss..not you or your kids. You need to change your view. When my ex does that..I flip it on him..He says he isn't taken them on the weekend..Well, guess what we do...We go have fun. It takes their minds off of it. We go to a movie, the park, go to a museum, go out to eat ..something they haven't done in awhile...they will soon realize that you are the superstar parent for rising to the occassion of always being there and they will see for themselves..that dad wasn't there. You don't have to even tell your kids in words...they are smarter than you give them credit for.
All you can do is move on with your life and enjoy your kids everyday.
Forcing the dad to be involved will only make it worse.
Learn to let go
On your divorce agreenment, just lay it out that he can see them on wednsdays and the weekend. Even if its writting and he doesn't show..it will get you the divorce.
The dad can not challange it except once a year if he goes to the courts. But then make sure you document on a calander or something what days he doesn't show so if the dad protest down the road, you can show what days he missed and you will be able to show the judge that you were there everyday..when he wasn't.
2006-09-23 06:16:32 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
He's obviously acting like an asshole to you and the kids, so just take away his ability to see the kids. If he really cares then he should get his act together. It sounds harsh for the kids, but they shouldn't grow up knowing that their father can see them, but can't be bothered to see them.
As for you, you need to talk to somebody. Talk to someone about your feelings. This is going to be a very hard time for you, and you need to be able to let go of anger and sadness bubbling inside of you. It's great that you're looking out for the kid's best interests, but you need to remember to look after yourself too.
Talk to a trusted relative or friend or if you're really feeling down go to a counseller.
I hope you feel better soon and good luck, I'm sure whatever decision you make will be the right one.
2006-09-23 06:14:57 · answer #6 · answered by Alax 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
my dear you are in the shoe of so many women,
I have deal with the same problem
talk to your lawyer tell him that he has not spent time with him and make the reason for the divorce vry clear that you are divorcing because of his abuse
as for him neglecting his children their nothing you can do about it if he will abuse them than they are better off not spending time with him until he gets help
Now you have to take care of your anger and be the best parent that you can .Try to do as much activities that you can with them
soon he will want to be with them at that time the children will say no
that is what I am seeing with my children, they don't even want to speak with their father
so now stop screaming he is not worth your energy save that for your babies
Good Luck
by the way beleive it or not you are going to an easy divorce
it is hard when they decided that they want their children
2006-09-23 06:45:51 · answer #7 · answered by waiting for baby 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Sounds like you are more worried about him.If it is over then start going on with your life and think about the things you need to be doing,for yourself and the kids.He is the one that will miss you and the kids when he sees that you are going on without him.You need to worry about how you can make it better for you and the kids.You can do it.
2006-09-23 06:35:28 · answer #8 · answered by junior1108 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Document everything. Then when he says he wants partial custody bring it up and show the judge. And don't give him anything he can use against you. Good luck.
2006-09-23 06:12:31 · answer #9 · answered by Dorkboy 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
that is sad he isnt involved with his kids,, very sad,, boys need their fathers in their life, a judge cannot force anything, I would take him for full custody and custodial, and full childsupport,, why should he be out running around when he has responsibilities,
it is a sad thing, try to surround yourself with your family,,
2006-09-23 06:13:27 · answer #10 · answered by rich2481 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋