I've seen countless friends and family get married and most of them say that their mates changed for the worst. The men say the women start getting comfortable and going to bed looking as unsexy as they can possibly look every night, they say they start gaining a lot of weight and not try to loose it and they say they start nagging and being control freaks which eventually turns the man off and makes him want to go out and cheat. The women say the men become unromantic, they start not taking care of themselves and they start being slobs which makes them want to go ou tand cheat. All of these marriages started off good and they both remember what it was that attracted them to that person and vise versa.
I've never been married but I have been in serious long term relationships before and I have always remained constant with my sexiness and behavior. Why is it so difficult to keep that attraction going in a marriage and be what you were when you started dating that person?
2006-09-23 05:19:13 · 10 answers · asked by chocolatebabycakes 4 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
The problem is complacency. People gradually lose respect for those they love because they are comfortable in the relationship. How many married guys do you know who still open the door for their wives. It is such a simple gesture but there is no need to impress your spouse with your character since you have already won their love. Same goes for the wife going to bed unsexy, she thinks "why the bother since I know he will sleeping with me". I try and tell people that habits can be bad and stick you in a rut where no growth occurs.
2006-09-23 05:29:45 · answer #1 · answered by wise red pheonix 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
People change. Nobody stays exactly the same from birth to death. The trick is for a husband and wife to change in positive ways and become more and more happy with each other as a result of these changes as the years go by. That's what my wife and I have done and we have been increasingly happily married for 20 years. Some changes I have made have been to become more emotionally secure and more trustworthy. Some changes she has made are to become more trusting and a better communicator.
2016-03-27 04:32:28 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
You have pretty much asnwered your own question and from it I can tell that some day with the right person you will make a wonderful partner. I guess the short answer is that some people after marriage fell that they do not have the "work" at maintaining and deepening the relationship. It is a shallow, lazy and ultimately destructive behavior pattern that some folks let themselves fall into. Marriage is work and not easy work sometimes. Premarital counseling can help especially in dispelling unrealistic expectations of both the bride and the groom-to-be.
2006-09-23 05:26:52 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
People are lazy. It's not hard, it is just that some (not all) people get too comfortable. Communication also breaks down and people don't ask for what they want. Marriage takes a lot of work, but if you do all things in love, the work is fun because it is rewarding. My hubby and I just finished talking about how we ALWAYS have to just keep "stepping it up." Something that we tried recently is to list 5 things you think the other person is not "hearing you" about. But you can't say anything, just listen. That helped a lot. If people would just work then the changes wouldn't get so ridiculous.
2006-09-23 12:52:12 · answer #4 · answered by Sleek 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I'm married, and I'm not so sure it's that they "change." I think that when you're dating you're on your best behavior. When you marry, you're together all the time, and I think you just get to know each other alot better and shift into a different mode. It's like having a good friend that you're comfy with, you can say anything to, and be yourself.
We still have a nice sexiness in our marriage and we're both happy with it, it is easy to get too comfortable, and it takes some focus to always take care of yourself and be romantic. We both know it and pay attention to it, it takes both of you to do it, this could be part of the problem why it isn't working with some.
2006-09-23 13:16:09 · answer #5 · answered by trainer53 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Because no one reads the book "Love & Respect" by Emerson Eggerichs. If 2 people truly loved eachother the way God intended, what you described wouldn't happen. People shouldn't get married if all they're concerned about is sex & romance.
2006-09-23 05:22:52 · answer #6 · answered by M W 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think you get more comfortable with your spouse. I also sometimes you'll marry a person with the idea that your going change them, but that never works because you can't change anyone.
2006-09-23 07:10:43 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
People are constantly changing regardless of whether they are married or not. Nothing stays the same.
2006-09-23 05:22:46 · answer #8 · answered by Tony 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
things change after marriage when ppl see reality of life.
2006-09-23 05:30:06 · answer #9 · answered by upenderjits 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
well it's cuz the other person wouls think oh Iv"e got his are her @ss now, so i can look the was i want to.
2006-09-23 05:33:41 · answer #10 · answered by Kas-O 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋