he can not have babys ,and i want them . we got togather when i was 15 im now 22 and he is 43 . i am at the point i cant even stand to go home. he is very jealous, and controlling.he tells me i cant to better even if i try . accuses me of sleeping with people while i am at school(COLLEGE) i have now anly been with three people in my life . one before him , him and now 6 years later another man , and i have gotten pregnant ( ITS TRUE< it only takes one time) He is mental abusive and treats me as if i am a child . WHAT WOULD YOU DO ? tell him and stay or leave and dont say a thing .
2006-09-23 04:44:01 · 15 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
i am going to kepp the baby
2006-09-23 05:32:34 · update #1
to all that said i should have an abortion F U C K OFF
2006-09-23 05:42:13 · update #2
You are totally obligated to take care of this unborn child no matter what the consequences...that is first.
Next, you made the choice to sleep with another man outside of this relationship you are in and it resulted in a pregnancy. Now, you have to decide if this other man will step up and take care of you and his child, or whether you want to risk your life and the babys with the man you are with, if he is that abusive to you.
You need to talk to someone who can help you step out of the forest and look at the trees before you make any decision.
Although I myself do not believe in abortion (and especially for convenience sake), I am very Pro-Choice and believe that only the woman knows in her own mind whether she can mentally, emotionally and physically handle a pregnancy. It isn't always right in saying that you can always give it up for adoption after its birth...alot of woman cannot handle the full pregnancy term, what with her hormones already going nuts and then guilt, or confusion or whatever going on in her mind.
You have to do what is right for YOU and YOU ALONE!!! No one can make that decision for you!!
It sounds to me like that even if there was not a pregnancy, you need to re-evaluate this relationship you are in and decide if this is the way that you want to live the rest of your life. I am having my doubts that you will ever be happy if he is already this way. It can only get worse.
But, now you have another life to think of and you must make decisions that will benefit you both. You would not want to punish a child by bringing it into a relationship and family where it may also be abused.
Think long and hard about things before making a decision.
You never mentioned your family...are they in the picture? Go to them....believe it or not....they can be very supporting during a time like this. Yes, they may be disappointed in what you have done, but usually after the initial part of that is over...they are there to help you in any way that they can. Give them the chance.
If their yelling at you or being disappointed in your choice is the worse thing that ever happens to you....consider yourself very blessed. You know what you did and it is time to step up to the plate and take responsibility for your actions.
As for telling your partner about the pregnancy....I wouldn't add fuel to an already out of control fire....unless you plan on staying with him and putting you and your child at further risk. Otherwise, get out and don't even leave him a note...or if you do....just tell him that you are through with the relationship and to please go on with his life and let you go on with yours. If you feel he will come after you, then go t your local law enforcement and take out an ex parte on him and stay away from him and always have someone with you when you go somewhere so he cannot approach you while you are alone and defensless. Even an ex parte cannot help if you are dead.
Good Luck, and email me if you need some one talk to more.
2006-09-23 05:07:57 · answer #1 · answered by lildragonlexi 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You need to follow your heart on this one. Any relationship can be difficult, but when you are in a relationship like this, it is just downright abusive. Yes, ABUSIVE. And now, being pregnant with another man's child, honey, you can't just pass it off as his knowing that he can't have children. You aren't happy, you are lonely, and regardless of what this relationship was in the beginning, or had the potential to be throughout, it isn't anything that is going to give you what you need in the long run. The man that you HAVE gotten pregnant by, does he know? And are you in a relationship where you can depend on him to support you while you are going through your emotions? Because if anything, I am assuming that you are going to keep the baby. Which would be a step in the right direction. Don't make it meaningless by doing something you will regret. The first step you took (away from a man old enough to your father!!) was to sleep with someone else. That should tell you right there that your feelings toward him are dead. You are a woman. You have the right to choose your own happiness. And if you don't have happiness with him, then you need to move on and find it. Period. Don't leave and not say a thing. At least give him the explanation that you just can't do this anymore. You can't be whatever it is that you are in his eyes because no matter what you do, it isn't good enough, and you are better than that. You are stronger than that. You are worth more than that. You say he is controlling, well the best advice you can ever get is that YOU need to TAKE CONTROL BACK of YOUR LIFE!!! You are only 22, honey, your life, and now your unborn child's life, is just beginning. Give yourself a fresh start and allow yourself to bask in the glory that is being a woman who is pregnant. Enjoy every moment of it. And I am telling you, without hesitation, if at ANY TIME you feel that it is going to be physical from him after you have told him, you make sure people know where you are, who you are with, and how to contact you. You make sure he knows you have a support system and people that are taking care of you if he even thinks about it. I wish you the best of luck, and I hope that this helped you feel a little bit better. Take care of yourself and your baby....:) Good Luck, and God Bless.
2006-09-23 12:28:08 · answer #2 · answered by pamalamadingdong_1 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
First off do u love this man that mentally abuses u? Or do u feel u can't get a man w/ money like he has? If ur answer is yes then U probably want to stay w/ him and no reveal that u have been intimate w/ another man unless the differences are so outstanding he will know - example if ur lover is black or dark latino and ur husband is white and ur white or light-skinned latina. The u have a problem U may have to reveal the info. Have u told ur lover from college ur pregnant w/ his baby? Maybe u can leave ur hubby for ur lover if u love him n he loves u. It depends on those conditions if u stay or leave ur hubby. Think about these things then make ur decision.
2006-09-23 12:17:21 · answer #3 · answered by Cooljohnstu3 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
i suspect you looked up to him as an older man when you first got together,,someone to trust and do right,,talk to you as an adult and be honest with his feelings,,unfortunately now you have grown up and smelt the world out there,,made your own name as an adult and generally know how people really work,that the shine has now worn off,,,he may well be this way specifically because you are,in his eyes,always going to need to be babied,told what to do,be less than him so to speak,,if he isnt the man you want,,get rid,,this relationship is mentally draining you and at 22 you should make an effort to get a real young persons life,,it wont change if you have the baby you know,,he wont see you as a successful mum if he does not respect you now.he may be a father if you go ahead but can he be a supportive partner to you ? you are young and dont need telling how to be,,who to talk to,,what to wear,,your ages are so far apart there is nothing here to be gained but resentment by both parties,,him because you are discovering life and what it has to offer ,and him because he is,,lets face it,,slowing down and getting settled in his idea of life,,do you want this life? call it a day on this damaging relationship and work out if a baby with this man is how you want to be tied to him.
2006-09-23 11:54:14 · answer #4 · answered by lex 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
The first thing I'd do is get an abortion. Then, I'd get out of this guy's life. I'd finish college so I could make sure I had a way to support my self. (no education = no good job, and frankly, do you want to sell at McDonald's as a career???) After my "ducks were in a row" so to speak, I'd start to hunt for a husband. You cheated on this guy, so you have betrayed his love, trust and respect. He has every right to treat you like a S-L-U-T. He accuses you of sleeping with another because you did.... Honey, that zygote isn't Jesus!!!! If he doesn't throw you out, you'd best leave before he beats you black and blue..... You will gain nothing by telling him anything..... your relationship is ruptured beyond repair. (What? he's supposed to want tobe with you while you are pregnant with another man's sperm?????? And he is supposed to raise it at is own??? god, honey, just how stupid are you? This is supposed to end up as a threesome lovey-dovey family? Not even in the movies......
And even in today's world, having a kid out of marriage is just a real no no, especially if you ever hope to have a nice guy to be your husband. What WERE you thinking, honey....(great guys, successful guys, guys who have a career, are sought after, and a kid, your kid, is baggage..... few men wish to raise another man's child.... and no successful man would even consider you as a wife --- you wouldn't get to first base -- hell, you wouldn't even get to bat!!!!! )You can get pregnant another year.....with a husband.... (and don't let any one fool you --- adoption is a bigger heartache than an abortion.... You'll want to know about that child, you'll want to be part of its life, and the adopting parents, no matter what they say up front, with make it really tuff that you don't be part of the kid's life. And you won't be --- it's their kid.......They'll just move, "goodbye" and you'll never find them. They will even change their name....... Better it not happen. At this point, it's just a parasite, in the truest sense of the word.... not much bitter than the space in this 0 ).... you asked.
Again, what WERE you thinking??????? There are just dozens of single moms out there who would love to marry, and guess what??? no great guy wants them. There is not a much more lonely life than raising a child alone, as a single mom, except being a black single mom..... You will never have a chance at a quality guy..... (Oh, yeah, there will be lots of guys who will want to bed you but none will marry you........
2006-09-23 12:24:10 · answer #5 · answered by April 6 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Leave this 43 years old man immediately. You are very very young darling. Why are you doing such unjustice to yourself? Have someone you trust to go with you when breaking the news of leaving him so that you are not harmed. You got to servered all ties with this man. As for the baby, it is your decision. I suggest you go to professional counsellors before abortion so that you know what you are doing and will not regret later.
2006-09-23 12:04:41 · answer #6 · answered by smile_: ) 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Leave him. it's not a healthy relationship and you will NEVER be treated as anything other then a child. Go it alone. LEAVE HIM!!! once you are gone you can tell him that you are pregant by someone else.
Did you sleep with this other man as rebelion to your over controling boyfriend?
Also, you shouldn't be dating this man, the age thing.... you are looking for a father figure not a husband.
2006-09-23 11:57:59 · answer #7 · answered by turners_pics 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Your bf is a control freak and since you are pregnant and he can't possibly be the father he may injure or even kill you if you tell him. You first need to get an abortion (sorry) and leave your bf. All this stuff is a sign that you need to start you life over. Good Luck...
2006-09-23 11:57:03 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
i'd leave him! i'm not saying that because he's older. i'm saying that because he's a bad guy. and i know bad guys when i see them. i've been in your situation in more ways than i can tell you. pregnant and not know what to do. abusive (mentally and physically) relationships from family members and boyfriends. so i know what your going throuhgh. and what these people are saying is right it only gets worse. i want to talk to you. but not on here. email me okay. my email address is missscs326@yahoo.com i'm here to help. but also remember this...its another guys baby that guy has a say in all of this...dont leave him out of the picture...
2006-09-23 12:15:09 · answer #9 · answered by missscs326 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
If the baby is not his, why would you stay. He's abrusive verbally. You're life is just beginning, you were to young for the pervet anyway. Leave and tell him what only concerns him. He doesn't need to know anything more.
2006-09-23 11:57:56 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋