A few years back my husband was caught in a lie by me. He claimed he was visiting a friend in the hospital that was injured at his work. He kept visiting each day for a short while. I decided to call and ask his supervisor for the name of his friend that was injured so I could send a fruit basket to the hospital. The supervisor laughed so hard and told me that never happened to anyone at the company. I confronted my husband and he admitted he wasn't telling the truth. To this day though I will never get a complete confession out of him of who he's been with. He refuses to even talk about it. Did I mention he told me he was visiting this so called friend at the hospital my father past away in. What do you make of this and how do I get passed it. My son tells me he's heard him talk to someone on the phone that sounded like he was talking to another woman also. My husband totally denies it. This happened about 3 yrs ago.
2006-09-23 04:40:21 · 22 answers · asked by sweet 5 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
I can't stress to you enough that he refuses to talk about it no matter how I approach it.
2006-09-23 04:41:50 · update #1
He is cheating on you. I'm very sorry.
Healthy couples don't keep secrets. Watch the phone records if you need proof.
2006-09-23 04:50:35 · answer #1 · answered by WJ 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Open up your eyes. There are no gray areas unless we allow ourselves to not believe what's slapping us in the face and we try to reason it out differently. Listen to your gut. If your husband is hiding anything from you, there's a real problem. What else could it possibly be? Why would your son lie about what he heard? If he's lying about it and he really WASN'T cheating on you, then imagine what he's lied about and just hasn't gotten busted for. I can only say this because I was in a relationship with similar circumstances for almost 5 years and it amounted to nothing but some hard lessons learned and a lot of hurt, oh, and I got two incurable sexually transmitted diseases from him as well. Now I get to carry that with me forever. He was an alcoholic and never admitted the truth and I did blind myself for years over it and doubted my own judgement even though NOW when I look back, I didn't have to have ALL the facts to know the truth. If things are not black and white and there are unanswered questions and a refusal to communicate, things are not what you want them to be and are hoping they will one day be. I would never let myseslf get involved with someone so snakey again. I'd walk away from him if I were you-- he's not trying to make things work if he's not being straight with you. You can't make him be straight with you but you certainly can control your own life and what you allow in it. Respect yourself and your own judgement and gut feelings. Also, think about what you're teaching your son about relationships.
2006-09-23 11:52:05 · answer #2 · answered by Laura Renee 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If he refuses to talk about it, then let it go. Just resolve this in your mind that you will never get an answer about it, and learn to live with that. If you continue to pursue it, all you will be left with is life by yourself. Is that what you want?
It did happen three years ago, and I know that what he did to you hurts, and the fact that he didn't respect you enough to tell you about it hurts even more. If he wasn't hiding anything, he should have told you, but he made his decision. Now you have to let it go. It won't be easy.
If you like, you can make a formal announcement to him like this: "Honey, I've come to the realization that you will never give me an answer for (the incident), but that doesn't mean I've forgotten it either. I'm just going to move on and not obsess over it anymore. Now, what do you want for dinner?" It will blow his mind!!
Think about other things after that announcement. You'll be okay.
2006-09-23 13:34:30 · answer #3 · answered by kellygirlaj 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
omg girl, its obviously another girl, why would he have to lie to hard about anything else?? Lets see, i would NEVER trust him again, keep tabs on his *** every second of the day, because once a cheater ALWAYS a cheater, its either in your blood or it isnt. And if hes not doing it yet, hes thinking about it, and probably will again. Also, if you have any girl friends that he doesnt know about, set his *** up, and see if he try to cheat. Im so sorry girl, you need to just leave his dumb ***, i kow you have a kid and all, but still, either get him back and **** around on him as well and get your kicks, or just leave. He's gunna do it again sumtime, and even if he cant, hes thinking about it, and why the hell do you wunna be with such a dumbass? im so sorry. u could also cut his weiner off!
2006-09-23 11:45:24 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Sounds like a lying,cheating jerk. Dont know if i could ever get past it to tell you the truth. Dont think your son would have any reason to lie. Maybe you should leave him...God only knows what else hes lying to you about. You dont want your son to be around someone who lies and cheats on his mom do you?? Personally i wouldnt deal with that kind of ****. Been there done that....would never go back to that kind of life again. It just made me stronger actually. good luck
2006-09-23 11:44:43 · answer #5 · answered by michelle 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Hello, of course he doesn't want to talk about it- do you think he wants to tell you that he cheated on you with another person ( could be someone you know)...do you really want to know all the details? I think you have a right to know....but now the real question is ...is he seeing anyone now? You may have to resort to some tricks like recording phone calls or checking his computer & emails...he's keeping a part of his life private from you & that's really not good for a marriage...good luck...bye
2006-09-23 12:09:23 · answer #6 · answered by Danica Fan 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If it happened 3 years ago, it's time to let it go and move forward. If you still think he's being unfaithful, watch his actions. Is he coming home later than usual, whispering on the phone, ignoring you? These are signs of him being unfaithful. Be careful not to drag your child into this. A child should be a child and not have to worry about whether Mommy & Daddy are going to leave. It can be damaging to him. If he is young. If your husband won't communicate with you seek counseling for yourself.
2006-09-23 11:51:04 · answer #7 · answered by vanhammer 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
my mom had this problem. thing is, you have to figure out if you want to be wiht him, if you value your marriage you will forget it. if you value yourselfr adn yoru trust with your husband or havign a husband you can trust you will tell him either you need to be able to trust him and you need to get everyign out in the open or you need to end things.
thing is, you probably wont, because its way too easy to keep things at the status quo. but my mom hasnt really ever been truely happy for any amount of time with him. she always thinks about it, and now she always assumes the worst even when hes not cheating, so its hurt their relationship in more ways than one.
2006-09-23 11:49:43 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
If your still with him three years after the fact and he won't explain himself...your just plain silly!!! He was screwing around and probably still is and is probably pretty sure you are never going anywhere...obviously!!! So him being a man, he will have his cake and eat it too. You continue to like it, or you'll leave plain and simple. Don't mean to be rude but hey...put yourself outside the relationship and then ask yourself this same question.
2006-09-23 11:45:06 · answer #9 · answered by Juicy Fruit 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
you need to be more forceful. Tell him that he needs to come clean and tell you what was going on, you know he lied to you and he needs to tell you for the sake of your marrage. Not to mention your self esteem, tell him how this made you feel, how it affected you. Let him know that you don't trust him anymore, and that a marrage without trust isn't a marrage at all. if he can't tell you the truth about this, what else is he hiding?
If you can't trust your husband... you shouldn't keep him.
2006-09-23 11:49:26 · answer #10 · answered by turners_pics 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋