Violence in child very disturbing?

Question

I have a gf who'se working as a teacher . She goes through hell teaching her primary 1 kids especcially since she's 18 and she took off from where the previous teacher left.

there's one particular child who's a notorious bully. Even the parents cant do muc. pampered grandparents. and even the grandparents doesnt allow the parents to scold or do anything to the child.

What i find disturbing is that he has a so called split personality. he has a habit of pushing other child and causing some hurt. Once, she was with other clases for a field trip to the zoo, the boy just made a nuisance and dropped on a pool of mud just to show his temper.

My gf has a diploma in early child hood but it seems what she studied doesnt affect the child at all. Even the teachers and pricipal herslf has trouble with the kid.

Advice is greatly appreciated.

more details of kid:
6-7yrs old
bully
pushes others
has a cheeky face before commiting offence
tendency to hold pencil like knife when writing...

Answer 1

wow, this kid has alot of issues with anger, and sounds like he is just totally crying out for someone to care enough about him to set some boundaries, limits, and discipline. i know that sounds strange, but for a little kid, without knowing where the "fences" are (the limits to what is tolerated in terms of behavior), the world is a bigger, more scary place. they feel as though they have to constantly be on guard to protect themselves, because no one else is going to do it for him. you need to think outside the box here. although it may seem to onlookers that the kid should be happy as a clam, because he can do whatever he wants, there is a very real truth into the concept that to discipline a child is to love him/her fully. I by no means equate discipline with beatings, or abuse. But by allowing whatever to happen with this kid, it is a form of neglect. a kid without boundaries is like a fish out of water. frantic, scared, and in fear for his/her life. they need to feel connected. so, i think it's very important that the teacher, parents, whoever the concerned parties are, sit down and brainstorm ways that you can introduce discipline into his life. expectations.

in the case of the teacher, who only has the child for a section of the day -- she can have a very powerful impact on him. you see, if he responds well to the discipline set forth in the classroom setting, he will learn to like school. if he likes school, then he will develop a passion for learning, and that love of learning will have carry over in his home life. ultimately, to be effective, the parents and extended family need to be on board, but if not, carry on & do what you can to let him know that he matters.

focus on him, and the reasons he is acting out, rather than the behaviors themselves. for instance, if i had a kid who just plopped in the mud during an outing with school -- i might say..."hmmmm, there's something pretty major going on here, huh? i want to talk to you, but since i'm not in a barnyard, and we aren't farm animals, there's no way i'm joining you in that mud there, buddy. i want to understand what's going on with you, but there are better ways to have your feelings be known. now get up now, i'll help you clean up, and we will take a minute to figure this out. then, later today, after we get back to school, i'd like to sit down with you and figure out a plan, so that we can touch base with each other every morning, and every afternoon, so you can talk about things. words work so much better than sitting in mud piles. you are a very smart boy, and i want so very much for this school year to be different for you. so, i want you to think about ways this afternoon, as we enjoy our outing, that you would like things to be different for you this year. i see great things for you, but you'll have to right now, take my hand, and let me help you out of that puddle. as you wash off the dirt, let's wash off the need to do naughty things. i'm going to help you this year to find new ways to deal with your feelings, but i'll need your help. you are the expert on your feelings, not me. but, you must, must, must understand -- in this classroom - when you're with me, or any of the other teachers, we are the experts, we are the ones who set the rules. I didn't see anywhere in my teacher's manual that sitting in the mud was part of the lesson plan. So, up & atom, young man -- and after you wash up, we're going to shake hands on this. No more of this. I expect you to behave like the fine young man that you are for the rest of the day. You can join my group if you'd like, but there will be no more of this, understood? You will behave properly. No fighting, no arguing, no bullying. I know it's going to be hard, that's why I'm here to listen. Ok? All right now. Hurry up before someone mistakes you for one of the animals and puts you in a cage! Move it!"

When you get back to school, make sure you have some alone time with him, where it's just the two of you, and you will not be interrupted. Be compassionate yet firm -- there are rules and expectations of kids in this school, and you are no exception. However, I understand that it is very hard to be a kid nowadays, and I can see you are very angry, and that it is often difficult for you to get along with your classmates. I sometimes see you clutching your pencil, as though you wanted to poke somebody with it. Can you tell me more about that? (let him talk, if he will, about the things that frustrate him.) Acknowledge his feelings, "ahh, I can see how you can find that frustrating, etc."
However, no matter how bad you feel, it is NEVER ok to take it out on someone else. NEVER. I'm glad you haven't poked anyone with your pencil, because if you did, I could not have you in my classroom, and I would miss you very much. I know and YOU know that you know you are better than that. So, let's come up with a plan of things you can do when you are very, very angry. we can copy that plan down, and tonight, you can draw a picture that will remind you of each thing you can do. (i.e. take a deep breath,
close your eyes, & say the alphabet to yourself in your mind, and open your eyes. etc. be creative.)

There's alot you can do. Make sure he is part of the solution, and that he knows that you believe in him -- that he isn't the problem, the behavior is, but only he can control the behavior, and you are here to help.

Using humor will alleviate a great deal. It breaks the ice. The boy thinks he's going to get yelled at. Don't take the bait. He might mistake yelling as caring. (especially true if there are no boundaries at home -- he probably only gets them when he does something so extreme he can't be ignored.) However, let him know clearly and distinctly, that there are rules and expectations, and if he doesn't abide by them, there will be consequences. Think of some rewards as well --- i.e. if we have a good day, you'll get a star, and when you collect 5 stars in a row, then you can _________ = reward. (be line leader, pass out the tests, some sort of privilege that is related to being a leader in his classroom - an honored role.) If you do not follow through with the plan, there will be consequences. Those will be __________. devise with him, and perhaps the prinicipal, if things are that severe. Let him know that you expect him to follow the rules, just like everyone else.

Praise him for his accomplishments, include him in a plan to help him succeed. As a course of routine, touch base with him every morning when he arrives, before recess, affirm your agreement with him, that he's going to follow the rules, and seek out an adult if he feels overwhelmed; touch base when he comes back in for recess, and praise his efforts to get along. If there were problems, advise that's important and you'll talk about it with him before they go to lunch. Make sure you follow through. Touch base again after lunch. Everytime he's about to set forth and interact with his peers in a social setting, always touch base first, and reaffirm your belief in his ability to get along well with his peers, and remind him of the availability of adults if he needs help in managing his feelings. touch base with him again at the end of the day, and set a goal for the evening. something he can do at home, that will further the plan. i.e. i will read 10 pages to my mother from this book, etc. help him choose books in the library that have a "moral of the story" that speaks to the challenges he's facing. One book that comes to mind with a kid his age is entitled "Toestomper and the Catepillars." It shows a bully who changes his attitude, but not who he is as a person. It is funny, and the illustrations are awesome.

This little boy is very fortunate to have your friend, and yourself concerned about him. I wish you the best in your endeavors.

Answer 2

This child has pent up issues. They need professional help. It would be best for your gf to watch for the safety of the other children. Is it possible this child has been abused? Are there any indications of it, bruises, scratches, previous broken bones? The child might be receiving abuse from one person and the grandparents might be trying to compensate. The worst thing anyone can do with this child is hit them or retaliate in a violent manner when the child does something wrong. If the child gets violent or uncontrollable, would it be possible for someone to just hold them solidly over the arms and trunk and just talk quietly and reasonably to them? I don't know the rules about touching if you are a teacher. Is there any type of program in the school, like a social worker or counselor that your gf could ask advice from? This poor child needs help. It is hard to remember that when seeing such behavior that does not endear them to anyone.

Answer 3

It's a sad fact that DV-related assaults that subsequently require emergency room visits for medical attention for the victim usually are perpetrated by men, and the victims are generally women, and children are affected. Research bears this out. However, DV is not just a female issue. Women commit DV nearly as much as men, but without as much physical harm done. This doesn't mean the problem should be ignored, however. How can anyone truly measure the harm done emotionally, psychologically, socially, or spiritually? Or the harm done to children who witness DV? I think that having more than one poster in the bathroom is overkill, and not having something up there that male victims of DV can relate to is sexist. Male victims do exist, and, many are too ashamed to report their injuries. Maybe that would change if society stopped turning a blind eye to this.

Answer 4

spare the rod spoil the child! and i mean it he must be spanked now or he is due to be ruined as an adult tell them to spank the child and show him he is wrong through example but he needs to be introduced to the rod of love and that is a good spankin indeed!
whip his behind infont of others that he throws a tantrum in front of and allow others to whip him and scold him also that is how we do it and the proper way to raise a child hay other wise he rule and they just talk til they are blue!
i say this with love hay get switches branches from a bush out front and sting his bottom he will be so discipline you all will be amazed at the sudden change!
remember all of you may cry after the beaten but never allow a child to see you sweat!

Answer 5

sounds like the child needs to be psych evaluated
Its a shame that the family doesn't want to try to resolve the problem while the child is still very young and the problems are relatively small

The teacher needs to keep sending the problem child to the Principal's office when the child breaks the rule
let the principal force the issue of intervention

Answer 6

It's a discipline problem. The parents can do something. They need to stop letting the grandparents dictate how they raise their son. If they would start being parents, the problem could be straightened out. It couldn't be solved overnight, but it could be solved.

Answer 7

She needs to find some kind of punishment for the child. And if he refuses to listen send him to the principal. I think he acts this way because he doesn't have any friends (it's obvious why) he needs to find a buddy to do work with and play with outside.

Answer 8

Gee... he sounds EXACTLY like another question I just read about out of controle children and how the parents didn't believe in spanking or (gasp) touching a child.

This country is so SCREWED up with all these idiotic parents who don't believe in punishing their kids... and the loser is someone like your daughter who has to DEAL with these out of control screwed up kids.

Answer 9

i feel a hair analysis of this child would solve the riddle.
even allergy testing would help.

kelp tablets would help gr8ly

if pets n parasites r the problem, olive leaf is the answer

he could be allergic to beef, corn, sugar, white flour, cows milk, chicken or the chemicals used at home

Answer 10

You need to contact the parents or a professional. This might go beyond your girlfriend's experience and schooling, especially since she's so young.

Answer 11

Thank you so much everyone for giving me the support and also ways in helping my student. And i guess its better if i myself brief you on what i have actually tried in helping him. In class, i make sure he sits infront of the teachers table. And let me tell you this, whenever i wants to talk to him, he will screamed and cry out loud. Though i never shout at him at all. But the way he cries, makes people think i did somthing harsh to him. There was ONLY once i manage to talk to him, but ONLY for 2minutes. To me its an achievement. So i had to make sure i get it clear what i want to say and make it simple. And let me also share with all of you, that he is clever. Though he never does his work at all, but whenever i asked the class questions almost 85% of the time he will be the first one to answer it CORRECTLY. And what has struck me when i read Malachik's response was, maybe he has no friends. And its true. No one wants to be near him. And everyone is afraid of him. So you see, my eyes have to be everywhere. Even im writing on the board, My eyes have to be on him. He is quite well-built, and he has a cute but VERY cheeky look when he commits an offence. And you cant resist the cute look. But for me, i dun fall for his cute face. oNE THING about him, is if he has something up his sleeve, he will always look at me. If i catch him and look at him, he will stop. But there was once, i just acted as though i didnt see it because i wants to see what is his next step, but I was watching him from the corner of my eye, he took my markers and threw it on the floor.(note: the markers was in his hands when he was looking at me) He is the type of if you ignore and acts as though you allow him, he will go on with his next motive. But if you catch him, he will stop it that moment. Though he is nearly 7, but he acts like a 5 years old kid 75% of the time. But in terms of academically, he can solve it like a 7years old. One thing i noe from the parents is, they spank him on his legs only. But the grandparents are the ones who pampers him. (he is the only child and only grandchild) so he has the attention all on him. so it couldnt be he wants attention. The parents cant control him anymore, thats why the parents asked me for help. Normally in class he will bring his 2 favourite cars and also one donkey animal toy, and he will just be drifted away by playing with them on his table. (he plays quietly) The parents have tried to stop and even hide them at times, but he will not leave the house without them. And yah the parents will give in. He has no problems about going to school. The only thing i have in my mind, why he is acting this way is bcoz he has no friends. And also he has too much anger in him. Cause i observe he will tend to grip his teeth on his lips whenever he push his friends. I would appreciate it, if you guys have any ways for me to help him to make friends and also stop the anger in him. thank you so much