My husband does not love me the way I want him to. But I do not want to leave him since we have children. Is it alright to have a lover in Internet? What would I do if my husband finds out?
2006-09-23 04:29:53 · 45 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Ours a rranged marriage, traditional orthodox, my thinking his thinking different,i feel bad to leave him but i too want someone to talk to my thoughts and love me way i want to be loved :-(
2006-09-23 04:44:40 · update #1
Your husband doesn’t love you the way you want him to…
You obviously don’t love your husband…
So why are you both still married?
I’m not going to suggest that it isn’t right to stay together for the sake of the kids, but if you aren’t seeing a counsellor, and there is disharmony between you and your husband, then you are probably doing more harm to the kids, than good.
Decide what is best for the kids, OK…
If you believe it is best for the kids that you and your husband stay together, then you need to work toward improving the relationship you share with your husband. You won’t be able to do that if you are chatting someone up on the internet !
Suggest to your husband that you believe you both need to talk to a counsellor in order to make the marriage work. Tell him that you believe it would be in the best interest of the kids for you to both stay together as a family, but unless he is prepared to try to make the marriage work, it would probably be best for the kids if you went your separate ways.
I hope you can work things out with your husband, but if it turns out that you split up, then forget about online relationships, and go after a real relationship in the real world. Perhaps join a Community Group or something, where the people you meet are really who they say they are.
There are just too many risks involved with ‘online’ relationships, so if you don’t need to take those risks… don’t take them !!!
2006-09-23 04:36:11 · answer #1 · answered by I_C_Y_U_R 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Instead of looking for someone else, why not work on saving your marriage and making it better. Staying together for the children can be unhealthy for them. Sometimes being from a broken home is better than living in a broken home.Communicate your feelings to your husband...tell him you want to work on your relationship and that you feel unloved. If he's not willing to go to counseling, go yourself before you take on a lover. It's not the right way to go about it. You are asking for trouble. If your husband and children find out it will be much worse on the whole family. Cheating is never the answer. And yes, I think an online relationship with the opposite sex is considered cheating. You sound like you are afraid and feeling guilty. Get some help before you end up in divorce court fighting for your kids.
2006-09-23 04:37:17 · answer #2 · answered by vanhammer 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Do not cheat when you are in a marriage. I have a friend who just went through divorce because of the same reason you are in except they have no children. If you are really unhappy, communicate with your husband. What are you trying to teach your children by having a lover on the internet? By having that thought, you are in the risk of meeting up with lover and possibly ending up doing things you are not supposed to do. What can a lover on the internet do for you and make you feel more loved?? If you do not want your husband to find out, do not start. You can't hide cos it will be found in a matter of time, in my friend's case. Be prepared for the worse if you are caught. Lose your husband, your chidren, your family. How will your family and friends look at you? If you have nothing to lose, then by all means to do things to make yourself happy, if thats what you want.
2006-09-23 04:41:36 · answer #3 · answered by smile_: ) 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
NO, it is NOT okay to have an internet lover! Period. Staying together for the children? I did. My husband didn't love me after many years of marriage,and I didn't love him, but I stayed. He would have never left me. So my daughters and I lived in a verbally abusive family. As it turns out, he died..... The year afterward, one of my daughters asked the question if it would have been better had I divorced him than to go through the grieving process of death with all the hurtful and bad memories of the relationship. You need to decide if staying in the relationship with your husband is worth what you and your children are going through. If the family relationship isn't that bad, then talk to your husband and get counseling. I would question what you expected in an arranged marriage. You took the chance of it being a good marriage or just an "okay" marriage. So the decision is yours whether to stay or leave. But NO internet lover.
2006-09-23 05:49:25 · answer #4 · answered by Blondie 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I would say he was unfulfilled and married to someone who was unconcerned about fulfilling his needs. A woman that's married to a man who ADMITTINGLY has a very high sex drive, but refuses to fulfill that need is either asking for an unhappy husband or a cheating one- either way she'll end up divorced. You can call him a pig all you want but if he has a need that his wife isn't willing to provide, and she is full aware of it being a need of his, she is ignoring is happiness and is sacrificing his for her own. Your friend and his wife are a mismatch and should not be married. Funny how he's the pig for his actions but she's not frigid for hers. I'm not at all saying he is in the right for cheating. He and his wife should divorce. His past has nothing to do with anything.
2016-03-18 00:22:34 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
You say that your husband is not loving you "the way you want him to". Maybe your expectations of his love have changed over the years; maybe he has changed. Wouldn't it be better to find out which of you has changed and then try and figure out if it is still worth holding on together or getting out "for the sake of the children"...because that is a lame excuse to stay together...children are very perseptive and are more miserable living in a family of stress, coldness and lovelessness, fighting, and bitterness.
Maybe the "old style" of your marriage is no longer working for one or the both of you.....hey, you know what they say..."Variety is the Spice of Life." But, this does not mean cheating. Find something new about each other...I'm sure alot has changed since yu first met and fell in love....find it and work on it to build a new and better marriage.
Sometimes the things that first broguht you together were just phases, and now that you are older and more settled into a lifestyle...your priorities change and you need to find some new priorities that will re-introduce the two of you to each other and a wonderful marriage from now on.
Good Luck!!!!
2006-09-23 04:47:02 · answer #6 · answered by lildragonlexi 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
No it is not alright to have a lover when you are still married. It will only give you temporary happiness, eventually it will become a big problem. You are feeling lonely and vulnerable. Why dont you talk to your husband. Based on what you have written, he seems to love you, just not the way you want. It is unfair to him and he will definitely be hurt when he finds out. What would your children think if they find out? Be strong.
2006-09-23 04:37:06 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
A lot of people stay with their husband because of the kids and if thats what you want to do. If you remember your vowels than you know its wrong to have a lover on the internet looks like to me your just looking for some attention so just talk to your husband and let him know how you feel and if that doesn't work than you do what you think in your heart is right.
2006-09-23 04:36:39 · answer #8 · answered by Julia 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
No, it is not alright. If you think your life is complicated or unhappy now, why make it worst. You have a decision to make before doing anything. Do you want the marriage and if so are you willing to do whatever it takes to keep it together? Taking a lover, Internet or not, will effect your family. You have a right to happiness, but lies and secrets cannot bring happiness.
2006-09-23 05:15:10 · answer #9 · answered by brenda c 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
No, its never okay to have a lover when you are married. And you know that as well because it is usually look down at especially in those arrange marriages. You have two choices, you can leave and go on with your life or you can stay and bear your cross. There are women that leave this type of situation everyday with children and they make it just fine. Yes, it will be hard but not impossible.
2006-09-23 05:03:43 · answer #10 · answered by kitcat 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋