I'm shy but people often mistake that for unfriendliness?

Question

I'm shy and I don't talk a lot to anyone unless they start talking to me (and not much even then), and although I smile at them and answer them, they always end up thinking I'm unfriendly and don't want to get to know them. I'm involved in activities, but I moved here a year ago and I still don't have friends.

Answer 1

My friend Samantha is the same way-everyone thinks she is snobby but she isn't. So I had a dinner party and invited lots of people over that she didn't know and played games she likes and is good at. Plus, she is an excellent cook so I had her bring dessert. By the end of the evening, everyone was good friends and we all do things together at least twice a month. Do you have a friend who could introduce you around and kind of show your good qualities? If not, have a party of your own and do the things you enjoy and are good at-people will be drawn to you because you will be doing what you enjoy and we all look and act happier then. Plus we have more confidence.

Answer 2

Some people get their energy from inside, and need their own space to get this. Other people get their energy from other people. There's nothing wrong with either type of person, they're just different. Trouble is that as someone that gets their energy from within it is hard to find others with a similar preference. Of course its easy to find those that get their energy from other people! They're the ones that can't stop talking ;) They also tend not to understand those that get their energy from inside, and that can feel like they don't respect you. Not great for building your self-confidence. Not their fault though. There's no way they can understand what it's like to be like you. Just as you can't really imagine what it'd be like to be like them.

Suggest you look into the sixteen types of that Myers Briggs (MBTI) describe, taking a professionally administered test etc. This could help you to feel happy with your preferences. You may also find a book called the "Introvert Advantage" quite interesting.

Oh, I should also say that you'll find a lot of like-minded people online. Concentrate on subjects and activities that you love to do and then seek out online communities focused on them.

You could even write a blog describing your experiences in the world. I bet you find lots of people benefit from reading that and understanding that they're not alone. Something I've done before. Would love to read yours if you do that. Do let me know. You can contact me through Yahoo! Answers.

Answer 3

I am the same way as you. People think I am a snob or that I am unfriendly.

Yes I can be unfriendly at some times but only to certain people. I just don't like to talk at school.

Answer 4

im in the same boat... i just moved off to a college where i dont know anybody. at first i was sitting in the back of my classes, not talking to anyone because it is awkward, then people take your shyness as being unapproachable, and you really get started off on the wrong foot. im kinda weird, i sit back away from people and try to observe them a little bit and how they act before i decide whether or not they are someone i would want to associate myself with. i made the mistake of gettin friends that werent the same as me, or did drugs or somethin, so now i try to see how others act around people before i converse with them lol. but its working, im starting to make friends and they are good people lol.
try using humor to break the ice, then they see you as approachable and funny, also it helps me to overcome my shyness, cuz if i say somethin funny i believe they are laughin with me instead of at me. sorry for such a long answer, just wanted ya to know i can relate.

Answer 5

I too am shy even though people laugh when I say that
I force myself to talk to strangers and act happy non caring extraverted
try it .. it takes practive but it works
and in time people will not believe you either that you really are shy

Answer 6

Shyness is usually caused by a lack of self-confidence. The only way to overcome that is to make a conscious effort to talk to people and be friendly.

Answer 7

Then stop being shy. Try to be more opened. Chit chat a bit more, and less gossip. Laugh more, and tell jokes more, practice, practice, practice. And lastly, be more assertive.

Answer 8

I have the same problem. Just kidding I am overly aggressive which I think is worse. good luck at least you are aware of your problem, you can work on it. I can too!

Answer 9

YOU'RE "SHY" WHICH MEANS YOU LACK CONFIDENCE AND YOU ARE SELF-ABSORBED. YOUR PERSONALITY IS HIDDEN BECAUSE YOU ARE CONSUMED WITH INSECURITY AND ANXIETY. IT'S ALL ABOUT YOU, TO YOU, FOR YOU, WHAT MAKES YOU COMFORTABLE OR NOT, WHAT YOU ARE FEELING, WHAT SCARES YOU, YOU, YOU, YOU.....
SEE WHERE THIS IS GOING?
BEING AN EXTROVERT DOESN'T COME NATURALLY BUT CAN CURE YOU OF YOUR SHYNESS. ALL IT TAKES IS A CONSCIOUS CHOICE TO MAKE IT ALL ABOUT OTHERS. PEOPLE THINK YOU'RE STANDOFFISH BECUASE YOU DON'T CARE ABOUT THEM, WHAT THEY LIKE, WHAT THEY HAVE GOING ON, ETC. YOU DON'T NOTICE THEIR EFFORT TO IMPRESS YOU OR TRY TO BUILD RAPPORT WITH YOU. THEY DON'T KNOW THAT YOU ARE REALLY JUST SCARED, INTIMIDATED, AND INSECURE. THEY JUST ASSUME, BASED ON YOUR INTROVERTED BEHAVIOR, THAT YOU ARE UNFRIENDLY.
TURN THAT AROUND BY FORCING YOURSELF TO SMILE ALL THE TIME (EVEN IF YOU DON'T FEEL LIKE IT) AND MAKE EYE CONTACT WITH THOSE THAT SMILE BACK. ASK PEOPLE QUESTIONS ABOUT WHAT THEY THINK ABOUT TOPICS, AND COMPLIMENT THEM ON THEIR EFFORT TO BE NOTICED ("HEY! THAT'S A GREAT OUTFIT! WHERE DO YOU SHOP? WHAT DO YOU THINK OF THOSE NEW GAUCHO PANTS?") YOU GET THEM TALKING BY MAKING IT ABOUT THEM.
WHEN YOU DO THIS REPEATEDLY, PEOPLE WILL START TO FEEL GOOD ABOUT THEMSELVES AND ASSOCIATE THAT WITH YOUR PRESENCE. YOU WILL START TO BECOME MORE POPULAR AND FEEL MORE WELCOME.
YOU DON'T NEED MEDICATION OR THERAPY. YOU HAVE ALL THE POWER AND TOOLS YOU NEED TO BECOME AN EXTROVERT. AND IF ALL ELSE FAILS AND YOU BLANK OUT IN A SOCIAL SITUATION, STASH SOME TRIVIAL PURSUIT CARDS IN YOUR POCKET AS A CONVERSATIONAL TOOL. PEOPLOE LOVE TO SHOW OFF HOW SMART THEY ARE, ESPECIALLY WITH OBSCURE QUESTIONS. IT CAN LEAD TO CONVERSATIONS....I AM SURE IT WOULD MAKE SOMEONE'S DAY TO SHARE THEIR KNOWLESGE OF WHERE TREE FROGS MIGRATE TO IN THE WINTER, WHEN THEY ARE THE ONLY ONE IN THE ROOM WHO KNOWS.
WE ALL WANT TO BE ADMIRED, ACCEPTED, IMPRESSIVE, ACKNOWLEDGED, VALIDATED, LISTENED TO, TO FEEL IMPORTANT, TO BE RESPECTED, TO BE VALUABLE, TO BE HELPFUL, TO HAVE THE APPROVAL OF OTHERS, TO BE CARED ABOUT OR LOVED.......
REMEMBER THESE HOT BUTTONS AND TRY TO FIND THEM IN CONVERSATION. THE MOST OBVIOUS HOT BUTTONS ARE THE 'ADMIRE ME' AND 'VALIDATE ME' BUTTONS (SEE HOW THEY REACT TO YOUR COMPLIMENTS). THE MORE SUBTLE HOT BUTTONS ARE THE 'I AM IMPORTANT' AND 'I WANT TO BE ACCEPTED' BUTTONS. YOU HAVE TO ASK A FEW MORE QUESTIONS TO DISCOVER THOSE BUTTONS.
THIS CAN BE REALLY FUN, ONCE YOU START GETTING INTO IT.
YOU HAVE TO FORGET WORRYING ABOUT HOW YOU LOOK TO PEOPLE, AND WHAT THEY THINK OF YOU. CHANCES ARE, THEY DON'T, UNTIL YOU GIVE THEM A REASON TO. SO GO OVER THERE AND MAKE A COMMENT ABOUT HOW COOL IT IS GETTING SO QUICKLY. THEN COMPLIMENT WHAT THEY ARE WEARING. SAY YOU NEED TO FIND SOME NEW OUTFITS AND ASK WHERE THEY SHOP. ASK WHAT THEIR OPINION OF NEW STYLES ARE, AND GET THEIR RECOMMENDATIONS. MAKE POSITIVE OBSERVATIONS ABOUT THEIR SENSE OF STYLE AND CREATIVITY. KEEP THIS GOING UNTIL YOU FEEL COMFORTABLE ENOUGH TO ASK THEM TO GO SHOPPING WITH YOU. THAT IS CALLED BEING EXTROVERTED AND FRIENDLY.
YOU HAVE TO GIVE TO OTHERS WHAT YOU WANT FROM THEM, FOR YOURSELF, AND I PROMISE YOU, IT WILL COME BACK TO YOU. YOU JUST HAVE TO GIVE IT FIRST, AND BE PATIENT.
YOU WILL BE FINE.

Answer 10

I am the SAME way, I hate it, i just get drunk then i'm not shy anymore..but don't do this everyday. or you'll end up like me..