MY Bf of 12 years has lost his freaking mind..We have 2 small children and he is our sole provider..He began talking to another woman and left us 2 weeks ago. I am lost and confused..Our children haven't asked about him in a few days..He NOW wants to see them?? I don't know this person What do I do? I loved and trusted this person..how can he do this to us his family? He is only thinking of himself not us or what is best for us. Has anyone been there? I need advice?
2006-09-23 04:18:30 · 11 answers · asked by *bossy* 4 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Our children are 1 and 2. They are confused and previous visitation is at MY DISCRETION.
2006-09-23 04:21:55 · update #1
Is a midlife crisis possible at 28??
2006-09-23 04:23:13 · update #2
Is a midlife crisis possible at 28??
2006-09-23 04:23:23 · update #3
wow 12 yrs and no marriage. any way... this happens more often than you think.. the man or woman wants excitment.. or a change from what they may consider a rut. this woman may have made him feel young a vibrant etc.. no strings attached no kids. but he should know that this is just temporary... a band-aid affect. maybe drugs are invovled. maybe not. in any case.. your main concern has to be you and the kids. you cannot make him do the right thing... and nagging will only make it worse. you do need to sit down and discuss what his next move or intentions are.. and than give him yours. dont beg or threaten... just tell him what you have to do..that is best for you and kids.. and then do it. get some support from family and friends.. sit down and devise a plan. look for assistance from local agencies... but do something
2006-09-23 04:25:46 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Only several million women if the current divorce statistics are correct. This happened to me, my sister, and most recently my niece. In all cases the men left strong family ties, great homes, children, etc. - all for a piece of "strange". If it make you feel better - they do live to regret it. Both my ex and my sister's ex have written us letters of apology over the years saying what a big mistake they made. In the meantime - you need to get a lawyer and make sure your children's financial needs are taken care of. He will have to pay child support. The sooner you get this started - the better off you will be. Don't make the mistake of sitting around waiting for him to come back before you take legal action. My niece did this - thinking that getting a lawyer would make him angry and less likely to return. While she waited she got thousands of dollars in debt and almost lost her house. He is the one that has put you in the position of having to defend your children and your lifestyle.
2006-09-23 11:27:42 · answer #2 · answered by arkiemom 6 · 0⤊ 1⤋
He's thinking with another part of his body.
He has the right see his children. Even though you aren't married he still gets to see his children unless you have a formal order of visitation, which I don't think you do.
2006-09-23 11:20:48 · answer #3 · answered by sarah071267 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I've been there, with three little children.
Take a deep breath. And try very hard to stop the worry and live in the moment. No matter what life is handing you, all you have is the moment, the present. Stay focused on it and in it.
There are several ways for you to focus on the moment when you are feeling anxious about the possibility of him cheating.
1. Be Still. When life is stressful, hectic, or seemingly unmanageable, just stop. Be still and take yourself out of the craziness. Retreat into your inner world for guidance. During these times, it might be your only opportunity for peace and balance. If what you seek without or around you cannot be found, find it within.
2. Use Your Senses. The best way to take yourself out of the outer world that is no longer making sense or working for you, is to experience life (your life) through your senses. Open your eyes to the beauty around you, lose yourself in lovely music, exchange words with positive people in your life, enjoy a sensational feast with someone or many you care for, and savor the smells and the tastes in your life.
3. Keep Being You. Respect the warning to be cautious and aware during your daily routines, but continue with your plans and goals—the things that have meaning for you. Work toward them in a way that does not put you out on a limb or cause undue risk, but don’t abandon them. Having a purpose and goals gives direction to our lives. Take the steps to realize your goals, perhaps, on the slow track for now, but just don’t let go of them.
4. Extend Yourself. Do more. Be more. Now is the perfect time to get involved—with your neighbors, the charity you’ve been researching, building deeper bonds of friendship, and appreciating the people in your life fully. When faced with the thought of catastrophe occurring at any time, ( his "mid life crisis"-yes it can happen at any age over 25) panic and fear are only two options. Another one is to take the focus off of the unthinkable. Focus on appreciating what is and what could be in your life.
5. Claim a Perspective That Empowers and Enables You. The one you decide on isn’t so important. What matters is that it works for you. As always, if what you’re doing isn’t working, try something else—and fast. If you’re sitting at home out of the mix, worrying about opening your mail or going to work the next day, you need a different perspective. Adopt a winning one. Your life is always what you make it during glorious times as well as the challenging ones. Keep living, and keep striving to be your best you.
6. Keep Going. Feel what you feel—sadness, fear, uncertainty—but keep moving forward. Go to work, do household chores, visit with family and friends in person or via telephone or e-mail, take out the trash, buy that lovely suit that caught your eye, try that new recipe, extend and accept invitations, drastically change your hair color or style, or any other option in an endless list of possibilities. Just keep going and, most importantly, enjoy the moments.
This is your life. You owe it to yourself to live it. It may seem different and uncertain now. However, the external changes to our lives are just that—external. There are entire schools of thought that speak in-depth on the importance of one’s internal life … of unshakeable serenity, peace, and balance. If you really think about it, many times our internal (or inner) lives and strengths are all that matter when the world around us is unsure and changing.
Be yourself and let your inner light shine. I mean, really be yourself—You have so much more to gain than you could ever lose.
2006-09-23 11:34:04 · answer #4 · answered by Lilly 2 · 1⤊ 2⤋
Its never a good idea to keep children away from there parents unless its a safety issue, good luck, will say a prayer for U
2006-09-23 11:29:18 · answer #5 · answered by Bob 3 · 1⤊ 1⤋
You got taken. You gave him the milk for free. Now you will pay for it. Very sad. 2 kids and no marriage? What is wrong with you?
2006-09-23 11:31:50 · answer #6 · answered by dirkdiggler9999 5 · 0⤊ 1⤋
I feel bad for you and your kids. Unfortunately this is more common than you think. Hopefully you can work things out with or without him. Let his kids see him though. He is still their father.
2006-09-23 11:29:00 · answer #7 · answered by sweet 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Get away from him and figure to take care of yourself and your children.
2006-09-23 11:30:42 · answer #8 · answered by djsanner@sbcglobal.net 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
He's going through a mid-life crisis. Give him time. He'll get over it.
2006-09-23 11:22:19 · answer #9 · answered by S K 7 · 0⤊ 2⤋
just move on...and never again get into the situation where you are dependent on someone other than yourself for support.
2006-09-23 11:36:59 · answer #10 · answered by Joe 5 · 1⤊ 1⤋