Wasting time...for those with trust issues..?

Question

Not a question, but a statement:
I seem to be seeing Q's about a lack of trust when the significant other hasnt done anything wrong, mostly from women. I have this to say:
Get some self esteem. You are wasting time worrying about "what if's". I spent yrs this way & realized that if he did decide to be unfaithful, he was gonna do it no matter what. You are only making yourself miserable for no reason. If you spend all your time worrying and being scared over what MIGHT happen, then living isnt gonna be much fun.
Enjoy what you have now. If something bad happens in the future, then deal with it. But dont waste time by worrying and contimplating the possibilities of your man being unfaithful. Its a stress you are only putting on yourself uselessly.

Answer 1

I agree...it's a waste of time. I think that they could be creating a self fullfilling prophecy for themselves by constantly thinking that way...it almost pushes the significant other away so that when/if they do cheat the other person can say "I knew it...I just knew this was going to happen" Well of course!!! That's all you thought about and so subconciously you have the power create it. Think about what GOOD could be done if that kind of energy was focused on something positive. Envisioning and telling yourself everday something good...great...then only good things can come from that. But as you say about these types of people... the root is probably low self esteem. Nice observation.

Answer 2

I agree. Forive and move forward.

Forgiving is love’s revolution against life’s unfairness. When we forgive, we ignore the normal laws that strap us to the natural law of getting even and, by the alchemy of love, we release ourselves from our own painful pasts. We may talk about turning the other cheek and forgiving those who have wronged us, but it is not a simple thing to do. The problem usually lies within the whirling tornado of emotions that are at the center of this act. It is the hardest trick in the bag of personal relationships.

It is important not to confuse forgiveness with other similar acts. Forgiveness is not excusing, smothering conflict, accepting people, or tolerance. When you forgive the person who hurt you deeply and unfairly, you perform a miracle that has no equal. Nothing else is the same. Forgiving has its own feel and its own color and its own climax, different from any other creative act in the repertoire of human relationships.

There are four stages in the process of forgiveness beginning with the hurt that precipitates the crisis and causes us pain that will not go away. We must acknowledge that first. The second stage is hate when all our feelings of anger and righteous indignation come to the surface. The third stage is healing; you are given the ‘magic eyes’ to see the person who hurt you in a new light. Your memory is healed, you turn back the flow of pain and are free again. The fourth stage is the coming together where you affect a reconciliation and invite the person back into your life at the right time ( which doesn't always mean now). The major healing takes place within us thanks to the love and freedom that blooms in us.

It is best to practice forgiveness a little at a time. Ordinary people forgive best if they go at it in bits and pieces, and for specific acts. We bog down if we try to forgive people in the grand manner, because wholesale forgiving is almost always fake. Forgiving anything at all is a minor miracle; forgiving carte blanche is silly. Nobody can do it. Except God. And the first rule for mere human beings in the forgiving game is to remember that we are not God.

Someting else to remember: The shadows of resentment keep our spiritual light from shining through, never allowing us to fully experience who we are. In the experience of resentment, we are pushed further from our light than at any other time, because anger and hatred are the opposite of love.

The longer we hold hard thoughts or feelings of animosity, the weaker our light becomes, and consequently the deeper the hurt from our own dishonoring. The anger grows and grows. No matter what the perceived sin is against us, eventually forgiveness is seen to be the only doorway to freedom.

Pain in the heart is the energy of love pushing against a blocked emotion contained there. Holding onto anger keeps us on the path of self-destruction.

Answer 3

I agree, but will add that, if there seems to be a real reason for the mistrust, even if it is a strong gut feeling, or if it hurts more than it feels good to be in the relationship, it is time to question the actual content of the relationship. Sometimes people stay for the wrong reasons.

Answer 4

Excellent statement ... i nearly ruined the relationship i have now because of the what if`s .....my ex hubby cheated on me and the feelings of mistrust take a while to get rid of , but once you realise that if he is going to cheat there is absolutly nowt you can do ... then you can continue on ....it ruins the happiness you feel being with the new person to keep thinking he will cheat .

Answer 5

Very VERY true! I think there are just so many stories nowadays that i think that fear is just instilled in most of us...and as previously stated, it is something the individual has to realize on their own,unless they are wise enough to learn from the troubles of others, to just let happen what will happen.

Answer 6

i do agreed to u.. im with dat type of person now, im having doubts and lots of if's even he's not doing anything wrong and it hurts badly that sumtyms i just want to go and run away... ur absolutely right why bothered myself for something im not sure if gonna happen or not and if it do so i will deal with it when it happen already... tnx for opening my mind bout it...

Answer 7

Unfortunately, a lot of people have to come to that realisation on their own and no matter how many times you try to help them, you can't.

Answer 8

You know whats funny? I didn't trust my first ex and she never cheated on me. I got older and got over all the issues I had with trust, only to have my wife cheat on me.

Answer 9

Good statement. I couldnt have said it better myself but now how many out there will read it and comprehend it, who knows but it is a nice gesture anyway.

Answer 10

Amen sister