My husband hasnt spent time with me since Tuesday and we both work a lot. I work 12 hr days and go to school. He is going away all weekend, he is gone already and not coming home until late tomorrow night. He is going to a concert with his dad. Then Monday I start all over with my long week. Well last night was our only night to hang out and he told me he was going over this guy's house from work to hang out. I know this guy-I work there PT too, and he did in fact go there. But I was soo hurt that I had been waiting all week to see him and knew I wasnt going to see him again for awhile and he didnt want to spend time with me. His birthday is less then 2 wks away and I have been planning such a nice getaway for us, and now I dont even want to do it. He doesnt understand why I am upset and thinks I am the one at fault!!
2006-09-23 03:02:51 · 19 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
We dont have sex as often (we just got married in Jan. I am 22 & he is *almost 25.)
He sleeps on the couch everynight- we have a puppy who barks all night and the only way she sleeps is on the couch with someone. He says its because he wants tme to get sleep since I work so much and he doesnt want her keeping me up.
2006-09-23 03:07:21 · update #1
OH oh oh!! And I found this old business card from a job he used to have in his night stand with other crap he cleaned out of his wallet and it had 2 girls' numbers on the back. I saw this when we first got together w/ what I remember as ONE name on the back. Now there is two and he says, it was before me! Last night he told me to call it If i dont believe him! I know I saw this before with one number on it!!!
2006-09-23 03:10:36 · update #2
Yeah I told him I was going out with some girls tonight and I do plan to make myself completely unavailable to him.
I dont really believe he is cheating when he came home last night he just kept telling me he loves me he doesnt want to hurt me, and I was nasty and ignored him. He comes from a good family and doesnt seem like he would cheat on me. He knows I am worried because he was seeing me when he was with his last girlfriend and I wouldnt do anything with him or "be with him" until that was over. He has given me no reason since then or since we have been married to be suspicous until now.
2006-09-23 03:14:18 · update #3
All I can say is don't start playing games (like not speaking to him and ignoring him) when you start something you have to be ready to finish it. And if at some point he gets tired of being ignored you may set the pace for the future of your relationship. This is just one week out of what you are intending to be the rest of your life with someone. One week of different behavior isn't much. Tell him you want him to sleep in the bed, put the dog outside and be happy together.
Kiss
2006-09-23 04:14:34 · answer #1 · answered by Kiss 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
1. Call his dad and in an around about way, find out if in fact he is going to a concert with his dad.
2. A newly married man DOES NOT sleep every night on the couch with his dog! There's something wrong here.
3. Tear up the old business card with the names on it. He doesn't need it anymore.
4. You'd better set some ground rules now while the marriage is young. Otherwise, you are setting yourself up for a life time of mistrust and loneliness. When and if the children come, it'll be even worse for you.
5. For whatever reason, it seems in a lot of marriages, the wife's lifestyle changes but the husband's doesn't. It's up to you to make sure he's following the same path as you are. Apparently he isn't. Wait til the kids come. That's when you will really become aware of it.
6. Guys and yes, some women, suffer from what I call the "me syndrome". Whatever they want comes first. Everyone else takes the back seat. As long as you go along with it, it will continue.
7. My heart aches for you. I endured a very lonely marriage and it just wasn't necessary. He rarely did anything with me. Sadly, I can see now that a lot of it was my fault because I loved him so when we married, that anything he wanted to do was okay, and I went along with it. When the kids came, I abruptly became aware that my life had changed and his hadn't. He kept doing all the things he always did, and I was home with the kids.
8. The bottom line is, either he's married to you and devoted to you or he isn't. If he wants to be single again, boot him out and find someone who respects you and takes your feelings into consideration. Life is just too short to be so unhappy. This may sound harsh, but I lived through it and would NOT do it again.
9. NO BIRTHDAY PARTY. Would he do it for you? I wonder. You can even bring it up after his birthday is over, and simply tell him what you had planned but decided not to because it seems he doesn't have time for you when you need it. From his actions, he doesn't deserve a party. As long as you keep giving with very little in return, he'll keep taking.
2006-09-23 13:19:32 · answer #2 · answered by Blondie 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It's not ur fault and it's his lose but how is he suppost to know that one night will hurt you so bad....Talk to him about it.
Guys like a girl that speaks not a girl that hides stuff and when she gets angry she tell u at the end.
Honey, ur wasting ur sweet heart with a man that doesn't give u as much attention as u need.
if he love u, he won't go out with some friends when he knows his wife is at home.
He is ur husband and it is his brithday but to make is special is to do it with all ur heart....SO talk to him on the phone and ask him why marry u if he is not gonna be there 4 u?
I know u respect him and love him but u need to know, this is not something to play around with (heart)...if he loves u he be really open with u and listen to what u have to say even is he don't have the time.
I'm sorry but he seeing someone else other then u coz
1) sleeping with a dog other then u, meaning he already got laid.
2)got a nomber of Two girls..when he had one so how is this before u met u?
3)Don't give him a party coz he don't deserve that attention and tell him he never deserved it...
Just wait and see if he gonna stay home and if he don't snap like a BI*Tch u are.
If he does say that u never had the time.
treat him the way he treat u.
2006-09-23 10:34:45 · answer #3 · answered by *~`h!8@Q 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
suggest you consider the strength of your communication, and what you do to enhance your relationship, what do you give to make his life easier. Yes, that should go both ways. Yet, all too often, one partner finds the other drifting away and faulting them for not being more faithful, without ever looking in the mirror to see their own part in the play.
Love is a two-way street. Communication builds that up, as does trust and mutual respect. "HIS" beliefs start many times with what he sees from you.... how cooperative and supportive you are of what he wants and how he wants things. I believe you'll find that the more you give, the more you are getting in return.
2006-09-23 10:15:20 · answer #4 · answered by megettingbetter 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Natalie , tell him he hurt you , guys need to be told , my man has been away on and off for the last 3 weeks , he`s working hard , but i`m finding it hard too , he has to share what time he has with me and his boys , and i had to tell him last weekend i was hurt because we had one night together and his son appeared on the doorstep that evening and also again the next morning - we ended up with about 2 hours with each other during the whole weekend - he`s away now until next weekend - tell him hun ...so he knows , and yes go out with your friends its good for you anyway !
2006-09-23 10:51:52 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Male brains dont work like ours. My husband works a lot, as do I, and we have 2 kids. So he finally got the chance to get two days off a week, and chose Thursday and Friday so he can go bowling with his friends and to a weekly car meet. He failed to understand why I was mad that he didnt ask for a Sunday so he could see me and the children. Many men are quite a bit selfish, I dont think it means they dont love us, just that in their minds, they come first.
2006-09-23 10:12:11 · answer #6 · answered by trishopesisters 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think the big problem here is communication. That is one of the most important things in a marriage. You just got married in Jan. so its all still new to the both of you but you need to speak up. He probably feels there is no problem because you never say anything. Stop with the attitudes toward him as with you not sitting down talking to him about how you feel etc. you are just as much at fault. The thing with the puppy, just tell him the puppy will never learn to sleep alone if he keeps sleeping on the couch. We all get use to planes, trains, traffic in area's we live in.......this too will pass!! Also going with his Dad for a weekend is great, not many men still spend "quality time" with their fathers anymore....or family. Sad but true!
I would keep planning that surprise birthday bash get-a-way weekend with him. It sounds like this is a great way to celebrate as well as the opportunity to get things out in the open. Be a woman & speak up!! You said yourself he doesn't want to lose you and he is always letting you know he loves you. There are a lot of people out there unfortunately that are not the lovey,dovey affectionate type and it sounds like that is the problem here. I am not saying there is none but its not as much as you want or are use to. If you really love this man & meant your vows then speak to him on affection too and find out so it doesn't bother you as much!!
I myself come from a very affectionate family, always hugging & kissing each other when we meet or leave & saying I love you. The husband I love with all my heart is not from that type of environment and rarely shows any affection at all and yes I would not be honest if I say it doesn't hurt at times; but I also know whole heartedly that he loves me with all his heart & there isn't anything he wouldn't do for me. We to have had talks & I told him I need hugs at times.....or just to cuddle, doesn't mean it has to lead to sex. I just need some type of touching!! Materialistic things I could care less for. He understands & tries to do it but its not him. He didn't tell me this.......its what I see. If people come over its amazing they say nothing cause he also is not a people person & keeps to himself. I just thought I would share a few thoughts & that to help you see there are different types of people and marriages but in no way does that mean he isn't in love with you & still want to spend the rest of his life with you. I almost lost my husband last year due to leukemia and he is now in remission. His sister played a song for us, country at that & he hates country lol. Song was about living as if you are dying.....that really brought us to tears & his goal was to do that no matter what. Even with death facing us, his heart wanting to live that way......guess what. He is STILL the man I fell in love with, married till death do us part, and will always be by his side even without the affection I would like!! I hope this helps. Has he changed since you met him?? They usually do but that is nothing against YOU!! You mentioned you both work a crazy amount of hours and this could be his way of unwinding. There is nothing wrong with you doing the same. Maybe plan the same night out with friends & come home for a romantice snack & time together afterwards and talk about your evening etc. Just a thought. It could be he is just happy and content now.
Take care, communicate and God Bless!!
2006-09-23 11:04:33 · answer #7 · answered by pammypoo_1 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
when a man is having an affair or casual sex outside of marriage he often blames his wife for everything that goes wrong in the marriage ,next time he goes out when you want him home go to where he says he will be and don't let him see you and watch to see what he does or get a detective to follow him and see what he;s up to because he is up to something .you have spent so much time apart it's almost like he was single again .
2006-09-23 10:09:03 · answer #8 · answered by clrdanlob 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You need to make your feeling's known girlfriend. I can understand your pain. Make sure he knows exactly how you feel..............and hey dont you have plans next weekend with your girlfriends? I would! Two can play at that game give him some of his own medicine and see if he likes it! Is it possible that you two are growing apart a little? That's not a good thing....watch out...
2006-09-23 10:08:51 · answer #9 · answered by Lynne B 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
My ex husband was very similar. He is not ready to be married. Tell him to grow up and act like your husband or divorce you. He is finding excuses to stay away from you. Either he wants to stop this behavior and save your marriage or he doesn't. Find out what his true feelings are and then, if he doesn't want to save the marriage leave his punk ***. I left mine and I am so much happier with my boyfriend. We have been together five years and own our own home.
2006-09-23 10:32:52 · answer #10 · answered by vp33333 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋