I have just discovered that I am pregnant. After 5 positive tests it is finally starting to sink in! But I dont know what to do, I am not 'ready' to have a child. I dont think I could provide the best life for a baby, and yet I cant find it in myself to abort it. My boyfriend and family have both said theyl support me whatever I decide to do. Although at the moment that isnt helping me. I just want the decision taken out of my hands. The only reason I have for terminating this pregnancy is that I am young (19) and have so many life plans that dont involve being a mother yet. Is that totally selfish? Has anyone else been in this situation? I always thought if I became pregnant Id have a 'gut' instinct as to whtat to do. But I dont. Nothing. Help!! Btw I am only about 5-6 weeks gone.
2006-09-23 01:36:21 · 38 answers · asked by xxx_snow_bunni_xxx 1 in Pregnancy & Parenting ➔ Pregnancy
You have a lot of guts asking this question on here. You will get a lot of negative responses to the abortion aspect.
Keeping that in mind, you need to make this decision for yourself. Nobody can decide for you. You risk getting pregnant whenever you have unprotected sex, now that you are, you need to take responsibility for your actions. Whether it be to go through with the pregnancy, abort, or adoption. It's completely up to you.
I will not judge you, nor does anyone else have the right to judge you for the decision that you make.
I was 19 when I had my son. Turned 20 just a few months after he was born. Like you, I was unmarried and had stuff that I wanted to do. But I willingly took part in making this life...so the only reasonable answer for me was to sacrifice what I wanted to do, to make sure my son had what he needed.
I'm 27 and married (to my son's father). We now have a 2yr old tot running around and I am a SAHM. To this day, I still make sacrifices. And I'm perfectly ok with that. I know my time will come to do my own thing someday. But for now, I live and do for them both.
You can still following through with your life plans if you keep this baby. You'll just have a little tot running around with you, to share in your experiences like travelling, or to celebrate with you when you get your college degree, if that's the route you choose. It can be harder with a little one at your heels, but not impossible.
Chin up and Good Luck!!
2006-09-23 02:24:51 · answer #1 · answered by my_lil_buttercups 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I mean really there are 3 options:
1) abortion, you may not want to do it but it is an option worth looking into
2) adoption, which is totally doable & you can give the child a chance at something more of a life than you can give it now
3) keep it in which case you will be needing a LOT of help
You sounded like you were thinking more on the not keeping it side of things, which is cool. I found it sad that you dismissed the fact that you are young & do have life plans - it's not selfish. I don't ever want kids because they would mess up my plans & lifestyle.
Whatever you do make sure it's the right thing for you to do at this point in time & decide soon so you know where you're going.
Good luck
2006-09-23 02:11:33 · answer #2 · answered by shirazzza 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I was in the same situation as you are. I chose to keep my child, but completely understand the thought process and being torn between giving up my life as I know it and having an abortion. Don't let anyone on here make you feel bad for any decision that you make. People don't understand what a difficult decision abortion is. For me, keeping the child was easier than making the decision to end the pregnancy, and adoption would have been even more difficult...although it is truly the only option that could be considered completely "unselfish". It's not so much that you are losing your life and that your life is going to change by having a child...in fact, once that baby is here, you'll find that it's your PRIORITIES that have changed. Whatever decision you make, remember it is possible to continue on with your life and meet whatever goals you have. Having a child in the picture will make many of those things more challenging, but all the more rewarding. Good luck to you, whatever your decision may be! :)
2006-09-23 01:49:28 · answer #3 · answered by Mara 4 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Well, I know what you're going through. I got pregnant at 17 and had my son when I was 18. Although, unlike you I didn't feel that I had a choice. I was going to have the baby no matter what and try my hardest to provide a great life for it. Well, I'm 22 now and my son just turned four. Believe me he's had a good life and I still have been able to do a lot of things. I have a very supportive family and in-laws so that made it better for me too. I graduated college in four years, got married, went to jamaica on my honeymoon, still have a social life..in fact when my son was 18 months I got to go to Hawaii to visit one of my best friends who lived there and my parents kept him home and watched him for me. So, kids can "ruin" your plans if you let them but there is no reason you can't have a baby and still do lots in life. I did and still am. Infact I'm pregnant with my second and my husband and I still have many plans for our future and things we want to do. Although now we plan on including our kids in all of it. Being a parent is one of lifes best rewards...it's amazing but if you're really not ready then it probably won't be good for you or the baby. Instead of abortion, if you're not sure if you want the baby look into adoption. There are many good people out there who want a baby and can't have one..so if you know that you won't be a good parent or can't handle it give another couple a chance at something great. Best of luck in whatever you decide!
2006-09-23 04:12:02 · answer #4 · answered by ktpb 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I am totally for you keeping the baby if you and your family are willing to help and support you or if not then consider adoption, there are so many people that can't have children and would love to take and raise your baby, ensuring the baby is given every chance in life as God intended. Who knows you could be carrying the future President, or another Einstien. Every human is put on this earth for a reason and the world should not be deprived of his/her contribution.
I know 9 months is a long time, but nothing compared to the lenght of time you may carry guilt around if you decide to have an abortion. Once it is done there is nothing that can undue what you did to take away your burden, it is going to always be there.
Sweetheart, please give it some very serious thought before you do something you will dread for the rest of your life. Remember God created this little life that you are carrying inside you to be born at this time and there will never be another one to take it's place, your baby is unique and God wants it to be born and chose you to give it life.
God bless you Sweetheart, I will say a prayer for you.
2006-09-23 02:20:47 · answer #5 · answered by yakity_one 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
From my point of view, in your case abortion is not something you should consider. You have a boyfriend (future husband) and a family that supports you. When you are pregnant after 5-10 days, if you have an abortion it means that you are killing a human being. That soul has made it's way to your belly and wants to develop into a full human.
When the baby will be born you will probably not be able to give it for adoption because you and your whole spirit will fall deeply in love with him/her.
Having a baby at 19 years old will not ruin your career/education plans but will help you be more responsable and mature.
Go for it and be happy about it !
2006-09-23 01:48:25 · answer #6 · answered by mycroft_old 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Well honey, I have to say I've been there. I was 16 and pregnant with a older mans baby. I knew that I was young and couldn't take care of the baby, but I wanted her/him! Siecne I was with and older man he just kinda convinced me that I had to give the baby up! I remember sitting in the parking lot outside the clinic saying to him,"are we sure we don't want this baby?" Like I had to ask him what "we" were feeling. Well I did it. And it was offal. I woke myself up from the anastisia screaming, "my baby, my baby's gone!" I would NEVER do it again! and I really felt that he hadn't "told" me to I wouldn't have done it. I regret it every day. So having it takein out of your hands isn't always a good thing to do. Now I am 19 (just like you) and we are still together about to have a baby in 3 weeks! I think everyone goes through the "I can't do this" phase. I was determened NOT to have an abortion. But I still to this day think I can't do this! I'm not good enough, I can't give him everything he deserves. I haven't got my life together. But honey who does? Honestly can you think of one person who has everything together? This baby has motivated me, and if anything got my life more "together" than it ever has been! Alot of women have babies and go to school and work. You can do it too. If you have that support, that's so good! It WILL be hard, but it WILL be worth it! At your first ultrasound when you see that baby is real and inside of YOU, and will love YOU forever, you'll feel so much better. It will all work out. If you need to talk feel free to e-mail me or catch me on mypace.com/babeechick
2006-09-23 01:58:34 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Listen, I'm going to tell you truthfully because no one else who answered sounded like they were as young as you, but guess what, I was 17 when I got pregnant with my wonderful son! I hadn't even finished high school yet, fixing to start my senior year. SO i missed that last fun year and getting to party on my 18 bday, etc. but absolutely none of that would have been better than my son! Whether it was then or when i was 30. My son is now three and I turned 18 the day after I had him. It is selfish in my opinion to be thinking about your "life plans" because you shouldn't have had sex if you didn't want a child, there is always a chance, but anyway I wll spare you the "mommy" lecture. Basically, a few months after my son was born, I took my GED and passed and I farted around for a while, we move alot with my husband's job adn i don't have to work (thankfully) and next month I will graduate from my ONLINE college course with my bachelors!!!! see, you don't have to comprimise anything! My son doesn't stop me from anything, in fact, seeing his eyes makes me WANT to do more good things in my life and be happy and successful because that makes him happy and shows him a good role model! well, hope that helps! you can contact me if you need any other help becuase believe me my situation was worse, my parents didn't like my bfriend, and i wasn't living at home when i found out, etc....lol it's rough
what's funny is that i did the same thing with the tests...i took alot, it's like denial or something
2006-09-23 01:54:44 · answer #8 · answered by Princess Billi Jo♥ 1 · 1⤊ 0⤋
You have to think about things from every aspect as I'm sure you are.
I was 2 months away from my 18th birthday when i had my son who is now 15 months old, he's a happy child and i have done it on my own as his father left us. I am now proud to say aged 19 i have started university and am studying hard to provide a future for myself and my son. It isn't easy but i personally felt that no matter what "accident" had occurred i had to stand up and accept my responsibility.
I know that everyone thinks differently but the decision cannot be taken from you, it is yours and yours only to make other people can only influence your decision but i thought that it may be helpful for you to know that although it is tough if a child is what you want the goal of still having a life is still achievable sometimes just in different ways
No matter what decision you make you may regret it all your life but please, don't rush into anything.
I wish you all the luck for the future and hope things turn out well for you
2006-09-24 12:11:40 · answer #9 · answered by Nimsay 06 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Thats a tough one ! I found myself pregnant at 19 and decided to keep the baby ... but everyone else is diff .....
u should really talk to a councillor as an outsiders point of view can sometimes help ...
If u are not ready to have a child then u should consider having an abortion .. its quick and easy in the early stages physically .... altho mentally it ca be hard to deal with and in no way what so ever are u being selfish ... mistakes happen ....
Sorry its not very good advice but good luck with whatever u decide to do ... only u can decide .....
2006-09-23 01:51:46 · answer #10 · answered by jizzumonkey 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋