Kids and responsibility?

Question

I have two kids ages 12 and 9 and as far as I'm concerned they have it MADE. (thanks to me being a pushover for a mother) I know good habits and being neat etc. are all learned behaviors. I have been trying to make them understand this but its like I'm speaking Japanese to them. I am finally reaching the point where I am tired of repeating myself and doing everything for them. My son has even gone so far as to be MAD at me when he can't find something he's lost or some homework assignment is done at the last minute. What can I do to reverse this if anything?? I don't want to be their slave and I don't want them growing up thinking they need someone to take care of them....

Answer 1

Hi, I have two children as well 13 and 3. I am always on my 13 yr old about cleaning her room and picking up after herself. I dont know what It is with teenagers, they are very messy. I keep a clean house and I expect It to stay a certain way. The best advice I can give you Is to stay on their buts! Make them get tired of you nagging them. Remember you are the boss! Do not be a slave to them. It is never to late, start today. Whenever you so a mess or you want the homework done, make them do it right then and their, If you have to stand right over them until It is done. Good Luck. And God Bless you and your family

Answer 2

Well, I'm 13/14 and I sorta understand how you feel. I do the same thign to my mom. I'm chinese, so that means my parents are a lot stricter than most. Originally, she enerv let em do anything such as go outside, or play games, hang out with my friends, or use the phone. I eventually got tired of that and started rebelling. Over the past 5 years, I slowly got what I wanted because my mom had had enough and didnt want tod eal with it anymore. Perhaps you should give your child some ground rules, but a little more freedom elsewhere. If you get them mad, Let them expose it. If you force the fact that youll do something if they dont shutup, it wont turn out pretty. Kdis with feelings all cooped up inside become pretty f***ed up people, like me. Ive lost all meaning to live, for other reasons as well. Counselors do not help. Some do, but most jsut say your child has a problem and keep them comnig back to take your money. Your child will slowly not trust you because they think taht you dont want them anymore and want to give their problems to someone else. In the end, you should let them get mad, and storm intio their room, but when it gets physical, you know wehre to draw the line... Good Luck

Answer 3

set aside some time when there will be no tv or video games every day until there homework is done. Every day when you get home make sure you see there homework assignments so you know what they have to do. Then maybe on saturdays no going out untill all there chores are done.

My sister has a 12 and 16 yr old and she has a chore chart. They can't go do anything with there friends until all there chores for that day are done.

Hope this helps.

Answer 4

If you ever watch that show "the nanny" you will notice that her method is always the same. It's all about CONSISTENCY. Follow through is the hardest because we get tired and our moods change. But you need to stop talking and start acting. Set three simple rules: 1. Treat me with respect. 2. Be responsible for yourself. 3. Ask politely for help when you need it. You have to have consequences. Unfortunately, you can't let them sink or swim when it comes to schoolwork. So the first thing they do is get home from school and do their homework. Then you check it and they put it in their backpack by the door, ready for tomorrow. Homework is not done until the mess is cleaned up and ready for tomorrow. They are not allowed to play with friends, watch tv, play video games or computer until their rooms are clean and they are ready for the next day. There's no yelling or blaming allowed. They're responsible for their own happiness just like you are. They want to have fun, they need to get the work done first, period. And by the way, it doens't hurt if you spend time with them, having fun, when the work is done. And don't forget to hug them and laugh with them. When you feel angry, walk away.

Answer 5

mine are 12, 10 and 8 they used to be that way,for the past 2 yrs i started making them do chores if they cant find something its probably because i had to pick it up and it went in the trash.they know now if they want it , pick it up. if i have to clean their room i get to throw away what i dont want them to have or is just plain trash to me. eventually they get the idea. they also learned to wash dishes REAL good. if they did not want to eat off the ones that didn't come clean then they made sure to get them clean. no i do not give them an allowance. i am their mother not hteir boss.if they want to get paid for working they can wait til they turn 16 and it is legal. if the state wont pay them neither will i

Answer 6

I explained to my children around six months ago, (they are 10 and 7), that if they wanted me to do things for them, (such as buy clothes/toys, help them with their games/computer and not have to yell at them), that they would need to help me in return, such as cleaning up after themselves, doing small chores, going to bed when asked and doing homework on time, (not to much to ask, I don't think). I explained to them that if they did as they were asked in a timely manner I would not get mad and yell at them. This has worked really well, occasionally I have to remind them, (nicely), that I have asked once...they know what happens if I have to ask again, I give them lots of praise when they comply and tell them that they have helped me with my day so now we can have some time together. I make sure that this time is enjoyable for us all and remind them again why it was possible. Sounds a bit tedious I know but it has worked for us, every family is different so try some variations to see what works, consequences is often something that gets their attention, try a few things and see what works for your family...good luck, its a tough job.

Answer 7

You need to come up with a list of jobs and responsibilities for them around the house. This way they learn pride in their work, responsibility and duty. At the end of each week there should be an award for whom ever meets all their responsibilities.

Going to Chuck E Cheese or roller skating or whatever.

Answer 8

I've got the same problem. If you find something that works let me know. mine are 17and 11. they don't do anything to help out. Only thing I can come up with , is that I sould have spanked them more often when they were younger. Do every thing in your power to make it stop now. If you don't , it can only get worse

Answer 9

since you have let them get away with this for so long already, its gonna take awhile to correct! YOU must be willing to live with the consequences of holding them responsible for their actions, or lack thereof. my son was lazy too! he wouldnt pick up his things, so i told him everything that i had to pick up that belonged to him, was going to be donated to charity! its hard to do but it works! concentrate on the older one and the younger one will follow his lead. DONT let them ingage you in an arguement! it takes two to argue, and just dont do it! they will soon learn that YOU ARE in control! good luck!

Answer 10

kids,big responsibility you have to expect the unexpected from them you have to guide them true a good behavior and respect others and be some one some day