We've been married for close to 19 yrs with 2 kids together. Been tolerating his verbal and emotional abuse. Found out his recent affairs for the past couple of years. Even during our reconciliation period for the past 4 months, I found condoms in his toiletry bag when he came back from his overseas assignment. Enough is enough. I cant tolerate the way he treats this marriage. Obviously, he prefers to have his cake and eat it too. I believe in monogomous marriage though.
However, I want us to part amicably (though it pains me to have to come to this stage) and not be bitter over our divorce. Till date, he refuses to accept that our marriage is over and threatens to give me hell if I proceed with the divorce.
So, I need sincere advice or suggestions on how to persuade him to agree on an amicable divorce so that we can move on with the way we want our lives to be.
2006-09-23 00:43:53 · 12 answers · asked by DiL 3 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
It sounds as though you are making sound decisions. One thing left to grasp is that YOU cannot even remotely do enough, be good enough, be sufficiently rational, or sane or equitable, to get him to do anything. You don't control him, direct him, and very little left with which to bribe (or "encourage", if you prefer) him to act a certain way.
From your description, it's probable that he's going to make every effort to upset, anger, dissuade, and discourage, you. My advice (been there, done that)? Make your plans, see your attorney, and carry out the plan. Forge ahead. You've made a very good decision--a little late--but better now than never, so dam the torpedoes, full speed ahead.
2006-09-23 00:55:58 · answer #1 · answered by DelK 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Tell him what you just told us. However, I do not think that this guy is going to go out easy. If it were me, I would find out something that makes him quite uneasy and use it. OR-get yourself one hell of an attorney who will make sure that he doesn't give you any crap.
Also, there is always some degree of bitterness in every divorce. In this case, you should be the one who is bitter. He has defiled everything the two of you stood before God and vowed to. Don't be afraid of the future. Just take a deep breath and put one foot in front of the other. You'll get through it how you are meant to.
2006-09-23 00:50:20 · answer #2 · answered by blackwidow 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Learn right NOW that you are powerless in trying to control HIS behavior.......you are only responsible for your own. You need to go to an attorney as soon as possible and get real advise. Don't say one more word to him about divorce. Lay low and get your ducks in a row. Secure some finances. Get personal items and things that you cannot live without or need for your future secured. He is trying to instill fear, which he has. Remember, Act instead of React. Don't worry about what is does or thinks.....pay attention and be smart. Oh, yes, be sure to keep a diary of the events and threats. He is not going peacefully, sweetie!!!
2006-09-23 00:50:30 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
I believe your have two growth up kids, I know many couples hold on to the unhappiness marriage mainly for the kids. If for your case, you can never tolerate his behaviour and had done ways to reconcile but still don't work, you may want to seek marriage counselling for help. If still don't work, sit down with him and thrash out your concern, life is short, should lead a happy life and do what you want to do. All the best.
2006-09-23 01:24:37 · answer #4 · answered by vosy2006 2 · 0⤊ 1⤋
he is not going to agree to an amicable divorce because he doesn't want one .he wants you there on the side in case he hasn;'t got anyone to have sex with when he wants to be at home for a change,my advice is to save as much as you can and secretly organise a place to go to to live or go to a womens; refuge and they will help you get accomadation .he cannot force you to live with him married or not. take the children and as much as you want while he is away on one of his jaunts .don't go to girlfriends place as she just might be the ''other woman'' it's usually someone they know .get a restraining order on him if you are concerned for your safety.the refuge staff will advise you on this
2006-09-23 02:38:06 · answer #5 · answered by clrdanlob 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Go 2 the lawyer n tell the lawyer what exactly happen.What kind of proceture that u need 2 do.
2006-09-25 08:55:34 · answer #6 · answered by gen2 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It ISN'T going to be nice, reasonable, or friendly. Accept that. OK, now, get the divorce. It won't be pleasent, but that is immaterial. Do what you feel you must do.
2006-09-23 02:58:48 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Are you sure he even cares? Not trying to be mean , but he doesn't even try to hide his ''socializing''! If i was you i wouldn't care if he got bitter or not. He doesn't deserve you and you don't deserve the abuse and cheating. OMG i sound like Oprah!
2006-09-23 01:20:03 · answer #8 · answered by sidewalker 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
firstly, he will not leave you bcoz he a sexholic.. he actualy terms you as a homely prostiture. In country he wants to fuckk you and overaseas other girls..
Homely prostitute i hope you will agree. Sorry buts its a fact..
Secondly., talking may solve to divorice, but as you write its difficult. But if you strong then you should threaten him for allegation......
danieldamsel@yahoo.co.in
2006-09-23 00:48:59 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋
Tell him he's got 2 choices. Either he can act like a man and make things easy or he can act like a jackass and make things harder than they have to be. Which is it?
2006-09-23 00:47:41 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋